This week things didn’t go as planned. I imagined a call Tuesday or Wednesday to find out the gender and (hopefully) good news on genetic testing. Tuesday & Wednesday went by with no news as I patiently impatiently waited. In the meantime, since this is very likely our last pregnancy, we thought we would do a special ultrasound at the end of our first trimester to just see little one and let Jason & Zayden see it’s not actually a baby shark 🤦🏼‍♀️. Let’s just say Zayden is still not fully convinced. I did share a little photo at the bottom of the post because the way a child is formed at just 12 weeks truly is a miracle. ***If you’re at a place in your life a bitty baby picture could trigger something for you, just stop reading this post early. I’ve been there, I get it and speaking from personal experience, don’t do it to yourself.***

Little one appeared healthy but he/she is also 12 weeks, so of course it’s early. It also is hard to determine the gender and the sweet woman doing the ultrasound made 2 guesses and there is 100% chance she is right on one of the guesses. 😂

Thursday rolled around and we got that Dr. call… I was on the phone with Jason and quickly hung up, because I didn’t want to miss this call. I could tell our sweet nurse wasn’t as bubbly as normal, so my mind circled with hundreds of thoughts while silently screaming in my head, “Just tell me.” Due to the twin we lost (what they call a vanishing twin), the results came back messy. The test read as high risk for several things. My heart dropped. Soooooo, it isn’t necessarily bad news because it’s likely just from the vanishing twin, right? Right?? An answer I don’t really have at the moment. We pray the high risk things are just coming from the vanishing twin, but I’d be lying if I said my confidence about this pregnancy wasn’t quickly deflated as my mind filled with thoughts of fear and worry. I no longer care the gender (not that I did before but I was looking forward to knowing), but now all we want to know is that Baby V is healthy.

I’ve been told by the very few people we’ve told that “God has this.” And He absolutely does, but my confidence is just shaken. Due to the vanishing twin, there may not be a genetic test we can do to determine if all things are in the clear, and if not we can wait but that peace of mind is worth something to this mama. I always thought – we’ve gone through the struggle. He knows we can’t handle more, that’s why Zayden pregnancy and birth were pretty darn easy, but maybe He isn’t quite done with our struggle yet. Who knows. We’d be guessing and left without answers so just continuing to pray for healthy baby and trying my hardest to enjoy this pregnancy. God knows that little one needs all the love no matter what and that’s what we are here for.

Of course, all the negative thoughts or comments are strictly coming from the things I’ve created in my head and none of it is fact but just assumptions. So do not take this as a sad post, just one that is leaving us with questions. For all we know little one is healthy but having that confirmation is always nice to have…but until then, here’s a sweet picture of our bitty baby! ❤️

For those following the past few posts and keeping C & B in your prayers – their transfer days are quickly approaching and they need a few more for good, successful transfers with no stress & worries! ❤️