400+ injections later… Fairwell IVF

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108 injections, that’s how many shots I took this round of IVF.  The other two rounds I had around 150-170 injections from start to finish each, not to mention the daily meds. This blows my mind, I actually thought it was more, but 108 injections this round was enough.   Anyways, my last shot is today, and knowing it’s my last IVF shot ever is a little bittersweet. I mean, good riddance to the daily shots and the knots & bruises from them. It’ll be nice to maybe sleep in so I don’t have to do it at the same time every morning, and turn off our alarm reminders so we don’t forget. For the past 4.5 years, I’ve either been doing infertility treatments, pregnant or nursing and the two latter, of course, are not finished but this is the first step to the end of that life.  And I’m not sure how to feel about it yet.

I am 12 weeks today.  We are not “in the clear” as some would say. We never are really until we hear that sweet baby take their first breath. Statistically, when you reach your 2nd trimester, you’re less likely to miscarry.  But as we and friends that have gone through this know, we never really know. And we can’t really “monitor” little one at this stage because I personally can’t feel kicking or movement.  I don’t have a heart monitor to hook up and check all hours of day (and that’s good for me because that would cause more stress than not likely), but I just have to put my faith in knowing it’s not in my hands. 

I know, even in 2021 there is still controversy about IVF.  I’ve heard people say, if you’re infertile maybe you’re not meant to be with that person or maybe you’re not meant to have children. I’ve heard individuals call embryos “frozen souls” or assume we just toss whatever embryos we don’t use or we get to pick if we get to have a boy or a girl. I respect people’s views but I am 110% thankful for what we have the ability to do in these days.  And to clarify, all of the above assumptions are exactly that, assumptions.  My goal of this post is not to get into this, but more just to say what an incredible gift we can do these days. I’m so thankful God has allowed us to be this advanced in today’s world.  Without IVF we would not have a Zayden Gray or a Ryken Spree or little Vinson on the way… And I cannot imagine not having these little sparks of joy and light in the world.  ❤️

Although our IVF journey is coming to an end, our infertility journey does not, that’s something that sticks around forever.  It’s not just the ability to not have another baby, it’s remembering and living through physically, emotionally and mentally painful losses.  It comes and goes, I’ll go months without it popping into my mind and then our first miscarriage will come to mind and me freezing in the Dr office because I was so confused on why this would happen to US.  Or the most recurring memory is in the ER with my last ectopic pregnancy. The Dr scoffed at me when I asked her for more time to respond to her question, when she wanted to just remove my tube like it was no big deal.  And I quote her, “You don’t need your tubes to have a baby, you can find other routes.” I was so angry and frustrated someone would talk to a mourning person that just found out her surprise pregnancy was not viable much longer, not to mention I had bled a liter into my belly and I was in insane amount of pain. When there was no one in the room besides a nurse, I glared at Jason and said to go out into the hallway and yell until someone got into my room with pain meds or I was going home to die.  The nurse heard me loud and clear and handled the situation.  And right before surgery another nurse came in and asked if she could pray over me. Tears flowed as I said please then was rushed away. That whole  memory still haunts me today. Some days I’ll fall into a funk after the memory pops up.  That memory always seems to break me and I don’t really see that memory leaving my mind anytime soon (or ever).  Or the memory of my first IVF shot – I was so nervous but it ended up not being as bad as I thought it would be and quickly started doing photos like this for my pure entertainment or when days Jason and I would get in a spat and I could say um, well at least I don’t do this to you. 😊 Ya got to find humor in it to make it through.

But the memories were not all bad, like the first time to make it to 10 weeks pregnant, or the day I actually looked pregnant vs just looking like I had gained a few extra pounds, ha or the first time meeting Zayden or Ryken and watching Jason hold them.  I couldn’t be more grateful for each and every memory.  Good and bad, it shaped me as a person, molded us as a couple, and truly made me a better mom. 

So I want to end this “Fairwell IVF” post with some tips for those struggling or those who know someone struggling with infertility.  I know everyone is different and this won’t apply to everyone, these are just from my personal experience. 
SUPPORT SYSTEM: I’m here for you, but if you need someone closer to you, talk about your experience. And thank the good Lord for opportunity you have. It’ll not only help you find some peace one way or another but it will help others as well. I’m not saying you HAVE to share your journey, I’ve just personally found it to be helpful in ours.  But find your support system and reach out when you need that support, a night out, a night in, someone to just sit with you or to send you a coffee pick me up when you really need it. Specifically for the Support Systems, stay positive, be present and just know we don’t always know what we need.  And please for the love, be positive. It is not helpful to say, maybe next time or just try again, or stop trying and it will happen or at least you have one.  Although it may be with good intentions, just be present for them. They may want to talk, they may not but show up for them.
OLD WIVES TALES: Eat pineapple (with the core) before your transfer.  I’m not sure why it’s a thing but I did it. Keep your feet warm after transfer and drink warm drinks and stay away from ice cold drinks.  Warm feet, warm drinks/food = warm uterus = warm, happy baby.  
INJECTIONS: Yes, they suck. Once you get used to it, the weight gain, headaches or bruises start to form, push through it. It is temporary.  Tedious, but temporary.  Slap the booty before your booty shots, some use ice or heat before – I just would slap the area before (when I remembered) and rubbed the area afterwards to avoid knots.  Stomach shots are not as painful as the other, it’s just difficult to get through the first handful then will likely be much easier.  Set the alarms so you can take them all at same time.  Listen to your Dr and take it easy when they tell you.  Your body is doing crazy, amazing things and it needs a little extra rest some days. 
MEDS: Again, set your alarm and take them at same time. And give yourself, your mind and your body grace. Your mood will change, you will likely gain some weight, and the hot flashes are extreme. Give yourself grace and ask your partner for grace. 
RETRIEVALS: Take it easy and pray for the best outcome. Hoping for all the embryos but remind yourself not all will make it. It definitely can happen but on average not all retrieved eggs become embryos. Our first time, we retrieved 18 eggs, 15 fertilized and only 2 made it. 2. It’s heartbreaking, I know and our 2 were so poor they wouldn’t rate them but Zayden was stronger than they thought.  You only need one but hope for the best and be positive. 
FAILED IVF ATTEMPTS: This is not your fault. It’s hard to understand and I still will never understand when it happens but it does happen unfortunately. Give it some time to process and then revisit if you want to try again. You may say no, then change your mind or vice versa. There’s no right way to process this type of thing, so take the time to process. And know my heart hurts for you and no one can explain why this happened nor make you feel better.  Take that time for yourself.  I pray you are able to find what works and end up finding happiness with whatever outcome! 
PREGNANCY TESTS: I mean, I feel pretty strongly about these but do what makes you most comfortable. For me, I was advised not to take any and I didn’t. I have had false positives and false negatives – to me, it wasn’t worth the stress. 
LOSSES: Accept that some won’t get what you’re going through. They may think you’re too much or you’re not there for them enough.  You may lose a friendship or two, feel lost or lonely but lean back into your support system.  Ignore or address the negative comments, they’re not worth the energy unless you’re squashing it and moving on. Alot of off-putting comments with IVF and infertility come from lack of experience themselves. You have more important things to focus on! Be patient with yourself and your partner. God has this. He has you.

And with that, fairwell IVF, it’s not always been fun, but it’s been worth it. You will be missed in some weird, traumatic response way, ha but you also won’t be missed.  We are grateful for the science that God has given us in today’s world.  I’ll continue to write about our infertility & life journey but this is IVF finally signing off. 💉

11 week update

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Bitty baby is stubborn, following suite in the Vinson family. He/she likes to hide when doing an ultrasound and giving mama a little breakdown. Yet, they were able to find little one and see heartbeat and finally got to see some movement!

All the appointments we’ve had over the years, I still stress at baby appointments. The longer I wait in the waiting room, the longer I have time to dwell on what could go wrong at the appointment. I don’t watch the screen during the ultrasound, I watch the face of the ultrasound tech to get a read of if I should look at the screen or just shut my eyes. If they say, do you see the flicker of heartbeat, and I don’t personally see it, I have a tendency to question if it’s really there. Each vial of blood taken, I wonder what’s going to come back not in our favor. I can’t turn it off. I would love to attend an appointment where I can happily bounce into the Dr office and assume everything is going to go great. Then I remember the first time we were in the Dr office and I did this and I walked out silently in tears. So ya, guess it’s normal response to appointments now? 🤷 Thankfully, the appointment went well today (after they found little ones heartbeat), healthy 172 heartbeat and I got to see he/she move like crazy!

Little one’s “vanishing twin” still has yet to “vanish,” so we will wait to see when that happens. It is still a little bittersweet to see little one that is the size they are supposed to be and a smaller one that just stopped growing. I know God has a plan for these strong babies we get to bring in the world. And so grateful to get to watch them grow and give them hugs as much as possible.

9 weeks, 19 months, 4 years

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I mean, what were we thinking? On chaotic days, I think this, but them quickly reminded I wouldn’t have the sweet hugs I get every day if I didn’t have the chaotic ones too!

Today, marks 9 weeks of a healthy heartbeat of one baby. We did lose the other twin, as we had thought after the last appointment but last week, we confirmed the twin had yet to grow for a couple of weeks and was no longer getting blood flow, however still present. So instead of “vanishing” like a vanishing twin should, still there for the moment. I’ve yet to process this fully, and I’m sure that will hit hard when the time comes, but we are thankful for the heartbeat we did get to see. I’m feeling pretty good, besides a little tired and some on and off sickness in the evenings, and so much lack of sleep I’m not sure how my body is surviving but it is happening. Zayden hopes this one is a girl and Ryken goes back and forth between baby boy and baby girl, but I just remind them we’re just hoping for another healthy baby just like them. We also have some names that the kids have come up with. Zayden is holding strong to Obi or Ryken (yes, he thinks it would be funny to name 2 kids Ryken). And Ryken just continues to say Baby, so poor kid will probably be nicknamed Baby for the rest of their life. They both also understand twin did go to heaven to hang out with Della.

19 months. Oh girl, Ryken is such a little wild child, but then is the sweetest all at the same time. She gives the best hugs. She whispers, sometimes yells “HUG” whenever she wants one and you’ll get about 15 in a matter of 30 seconds. She likes to do everything her Bub does and she is a wee bit demanding some days. We are still working on telling her that “RIGHT NOW” is not something you add to every sentence. Like “HUG RIGHT NOW” or “YOGURT RIGHT NOW PLEASE” is not how we talk lol, kind of cute, but I foresee this developing into more things as she gets older. Ha. Lord, help us. She adores her brother and her puppy Ollie, and most days she likes Charlie but only when he’s not trying to steal her food from her. If she could live outside and only eat popsicles, I’m pretty sure she would. And she still despises her hair being brushed. Yes, we’re one of those families that brushes their kids hair, no matter how strong the fight is in the child, but I’m not going to make her wear a bow or headband of pony because she just doesn’t want to this stage. Maybe one day she will change it up, for now she will be the brushed, straggly hair kiddo. 🙂 I can’t wait to see how her personality develops even more over the next few months.

4 years. I’m STILL in shock that we have a 4-year old. I’m not sure how that happened so quickly, and some days I don’t actually remember what life was like pre-Zayden, but I can tell you it is way better now. He is too smart. Remembers way more than I think he would, which makes it very difficult to get things past him. He loves to interrupt a friendly spouse spat with a “CAN YOU GUYS JUST GET ON THE SAME PAGE?” lol and he likes to make sure his sister follows the rules. He’s been put on phone duty. If someone accidentally leaves their phone out and sister goes for it, he knows to tell us right away so we don’t have any more accidental 911 calls. He also likes to make sure she doesn’t eat anything she’s not supposed to or share a cup that’s clearly his. Ha. He still loves his school and his favorite thing is playing with his friends and singing songs at school, to everyone, and everywhere. It’s my favorite thing he does at the moment. He’s really into playing board games and just recently, Jason introduced Mario Kart to him. I can confidently say that I can easily beat him in this game, but I’m sure that won’t last for long, but I will hold to my mom-win for the week! He’s such a fantastic big brother and he’s growing so fast, I can’t take it all in fast enough.

Continuing to be grateful for this chaotic journey. There’s your little update for the day from this family of 5. 🙂


Last day in fertility clinic

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Lots of emotions today, as I stepped out of the fertility clinic we’ve been going to for 5 years. So thankful to not have to make a 4 hour drive one way just to have access to my fertility doctor, but thankful for the ability and talent they have there and blessings God made through them. I have no idea where we would be without our sweet Zayden, Ryken and little Vinson(s).

Don’t let that last word throw you for a loop, it is still early and we had our first ultrasound today to see if pregnancy was viable. We did have two babies, but only got to see one heartbeat. Praise for one heartbeat and yet, my heart sunk in hopes for the other littles too. Realistically and cautiously, Baby A will probably vanish. It was a couple days smaller than the other but we also didn’t see that sweet flicker of a heartbeat. We knew what could happen putting in 2 embryos, we’ve put 2 embryos in every IVF cycle and never have made it with twins to this stage. So I walked out of that fertility clinic with a couple of tears in my eyes, but I walked to a happy car of 2 smiling toddlers and happy husband.

The doctor’s assistant (who was my favorite) in the office was the one to see me today, so it was only fitting to have a pretty good appointment and walk away from the clinic that put all my broken pieces together to help make these babies happen. Our journey isn’t over, but we can close that chapter in our lives today. Onto the next steps in our journey with our growing family! ❤️

Stay tuned for updates if you’d like, we plan to have another ultrasound in a few weeks. Thankful for the prayers and support over the years! It takes a village to raise children, it takes even more to support a couple going through infertility.

Orneriness & Updates

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Today. Today is transfer day, to say I’m a little nervous is an understatement. Not for the service, but the outcome. I asked Jason yesterday, “Are you ready for another one or are you ready to find out we won’t have another one?” He replied he wasn’t ready for either outcome, and I feel that too. I asked Ryken and Zayden if they wanted another brother or sister. Ryken replied a quick No to both 😂 and Zayden said maybe another sissy that he could make Ryken but if not he’d just take some bubble gum so he can blow huge bubbles with. So clearly, we are all ready for however things turn out!

The biggest change this time around is doing everything on my own. Every single appointment has been by myself, besides the initial video call. So if we can all get through this pandemic so support systems can be by their significant others side, that’d be swell. I think in any potential life change situation, you know deep down you can do it by yourself, but it sure is nice having Jason there just to remind me that I can when I start to question my ability. Also, all of this to say, I’ve only been alone physically, of course, My God is always here and I have a good support system that checks in on our journey, pray for me and I know several would jump at opportunity to help. So we are so appreciative to that! ❤️

So today is transfer day…our journey is to be continued soon, one way or another.

Now to Zayden & Ryken updates. Ryken really has that innocent, sweet smile, quiet voice (when she wants) and gives the best hugs hands down, and she will not hesitate to raise hell when she feels like it. 😂 She is our stunt-woman and I fear she will be a spitting image of her mama and spend countless summer days in the hospital with stitches, but we shall see. Maybe she will surprise us, but as I watched her climb to top of playhouse, turn around and fall off for the biggest trust fall I have ever witnessed, I don’t think she will. Lol. Little Miss loves to copy Zayden and thinks “right now” should be added to every sentence – something we rarely even say, but she has incorporated it into her vocabulary. And we always correct it with a how about a please, to which she replies, “Please, right now!” Someone come get this kid 😂😂 In all seriousness she’s so funny to watch her learn from Zayden. I wish I would have written more of her milestones down, but I have decided I’d rather spend that time I could be writing them down or blogging, just embracing these new things she’s learning. It. Is. My. Favorite to watch her and Z interact and play together, something they haven’t done by themselves yet til recently. Ryken would probably do anything Zayden asked, but thankfully, I don’t think he has figured that out yet.

Zayden, my sweet boy is loving school and making friends which makes me so happy. It’s so sweet to witness your child form friendships and watch those friendships grow. His bff is still his cousin Liam, and he talked about another friend at school, he would tell me what they’d play, what he likes, etc at school. To my surprise, no one in his class goes by this name so I assume he has an imaginary friend or he’s gotten confused on kids name 😂 We recently found out his bff isn’t even in his class, but across the hall and they meet and play at recess. This makes me smile and maybe means nothing to those reading but it’s such a cute thing to see as your he gets older. Speaking of – he turns 4 in less than a month and my mind cannot grasp this thought! How did my little cuddler, silly boy already become 4??

I’m going to end this quickly as I sit in waiting room of my transfer appointment and I want to sit and not think for a few minutes before taken back. Appreciate the love and prayers on our next steps to this journey!

16 months vs 44 months

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HOW? How is it possible that Ryken is turning 16 months? She’s getting so old I had to count out the months to figure out how old she is turning. I generally stop keeping track of “months” around 1.5 years old, but I thought it was interesting to show their differences and how old they are.

These two littles are so similar but SO different when comparing what they were like at the same age. Zayden (at Ryken’s age now) was so chill, quiet, content most of the time and a little ornery but not much! Now, with the other littles, cue the Led Zeppelin music “a-ah-ahh-ah,” and enter Ryken as she makes herself known with the orneriest smile you could ask for. Don’t get me wrong, she is also the sweetest and for the most part very happy little girl, but there is nothing that is going to stop or scare her. She’s a force to be reckoned with and I am so proud of her stubbornness she’s gotten from her mama. lol Maybe this is her personality, maybe she’s picked up on Zayden’s personality and takes it as the norm. You see, my chill little man has also stepped into this world of 3s where emotions some days are higher than others, and it’s hard to figure those out. He also, knows what he wants and will either attempt to convince you he should have it or negotiate his way to get he “needs.” You may think I’m complaining, but trust me I’m not. In this world, I want these two babies to be strong-willed, know what they want, but also be God-fearing individuals, respectful and courtesy of others. And I think we’re on the right track…it may be exhausting some days, but it. is. worth. it. IT IS WORTH IT.

The fun things….
Ryken says everything….she’s talking up a storm (when she’s not being reserved around others) and she repeats whatever you tell her. There is good and bad to this ha, but she takes after her brother and speaks very well for her age. She’s loudest when you’re laying in bed trying to sleep or pretend sleep to get her to nap. MOMMA. MOMMA. MOMMA – as I lay 2 cm from her, and do my best to pretend to be asleep as she yells my name. Some days this will work, other days, cue the Led Zeppelin music, as she stands up, looks down on me and slaps her foot on my face to wake me up.

She’s also a daredevil. But when she knows she’s doing something a little questionable, she at least looks at you and smiles. Not just your every day sweet smile, but the smile that says – “Hey you need to watch what I’m doing here, and be prepared to catch me…mmmk?” Yes, one of those smiles. I about laugh and have a heart attack every time.

Ryken & Zayden both are pretty picky eaters. With Zayden, he ate everything under the sun when he was little and now eats minimal things, where I’m hiding vegetables in smoothies and other forms (along with attempting the veggies every day on his plate, but let’s get real that little bugger knows and the battle of cleaning your plate is not one that I choose to go down). Ryken on the other hand, we didn’t necessarily give her everything under the sun. CLEARLY the having Zayden eat whatever we ate didn’t make him less picky, so we changed it up with Ryken and give her the basics and let her try things from our plates. ALL THIS to say, they’re both picky and one day I have hopes they’ll be little foodies like we are, but for now, cheese will probably be on most things we eat.

Zayden finished up his first “cool” aka school and is on summer break for a month before he goes into another “cool.” We haven’t fully decided what school he’s going into, but as a parent trying to find the balance of letting your 3.5 year live a fun-filled life of a child and not pushing them too quickly into this routine-filled school life. Don’t get me wrong, Zayden thrives in it, learns so much in school but how do you decide what’s too much for a child, when you know the real life isn’t always fun and you want them to enjoy their time so much right now. Anyways, that’s something Jason and I go back and forth on, what place is the right fit for him, what is too much mentally or physically or socially, and are we overthinking it? Ha. Either way, he will start something in the next month. Something he has to be potty-trained for – you’re welcome to send your potty-training tips, but pretty sure it boils down to it’s something he can do, he wants to do occasionally, but he just doesn’t want to. I’ve explained to him recently, that pottying is just taking out the trash (as a good friend told me) and I also have told him, he has a new job. Once these set of diapers run out, he’s been promoted to have a new job, and that’s going the bathroom on his own, when he wants, and he can decide what time of day that will be, so I’m leaving it on his shoulders to make the decisions. If it’s his idea, it’s likely to work more than if it’s someone else’s idea telling him to do it. Cross your fingers, say a prayer, we’d much rather go this route then forcing the potty training thing before end of next month.

Zayden continues to just eat up learning things. His teacher said, this is the age they are little sponges, and he tells me things I have to google because I first don’t know where he heard it but second have to see if he’s right and most of the time he is.

SLEEP – Zayden pretty much sleeps through the night, which I haven’t said in awhile. He does sleep with us 99% of the nights, the occassional 1% is just flukes here and there. I don’t mind it, Jason doesn’t mind it, Ryken loves it..it works for us. Ryken is currently being weaned and does pretty good sleeping through the night with the random nursing session, but she’s a bit of a bed hog. She also kind of seems to enjoy her space, so she will sleep in her bed more often than Zayden will. Now that she’s being weaned, I think it’s likely she will even more.

Speaking of weaning, prayers for this mama. Nursing takes a toll on your body, mind, emotions, etc, etc, etc I read yesterday, “The amount of energy it takes your body to produce enough breast milk for your baby for one day is the equivalent of walking 7 miles.” @moomysmilk – So theoretically, I’ve walked in comparison to over 3,000 miles in the past 16 months, but the body doesn’t always reflect that as a workout. It’s a full time job and when you have other full time jobs, it is exhausting and takes it’s toll. And I’ll be the first to tell you I’m not really ready to wean, but I think she is. She thinks she isn’t because it’s a comfort, but she also isn’t efficient like she used to be and only nurses to comfort. So, she’s ready – but this sweet girl and this mama heart need some extra love during the weekend so we can fully wean. We would likely nurse more, but we have other plans that we can share later on and it requires me to end this nursing journey.

Some things we experienced since my last post:
-Hand-foot-mouth – 1000/10 do not recommend
-Quick trip to Mississippi for a wedding, we found a fantastic sitter for the kids and were so happy they got to journey down with us. Making a couple of stops, one to see friend in TN and visit the zoo!
-Traveled to Arizona! Yay, this was our first flights for Ryken, first big trip since the pandemic, and first trip where mama was along most of the days while Jason was working! A little bit exhausting, a little bit of stress, and alot of fun. We miss adventuring outside of the state with Zayden and we feel for Ryken not getting to experience the things we could with Zayden, but this gave us a little taste and we can’t wait til next trip.
-Ryken got to play with her first sparklers (because apparently a 3 month old holding a sparkler is frowned upon). And Zayden got to shoot off his first ever firework – like an actual firework, which he liked and was a little nervous.
-Visit some friends in Kansas that I consider family. The kids got to spend the day with two of my favorite people in the world. They were a HUGE part of me growing up and growing in the church, and I may have been a little jealous I didn’t get to spend all the time with them too, but we had a wedding and I was so grateful Zayden and Ryken got to spend time with the Graves family this month!
-Celebrated Ryken’s 1st birthday! My heart can’t take it either and it’s already been 4 months since!
-Zayden fished for the first time and caught his first fish – WHO catches a fish the first time they go? He was in love and wanted his own fishing pole for next time.
-We camped for the 2nd time with our Community Group (so many kids I don’t recall how many but it was a blast)
-We laid to rest one of the sweetest men and the kids great-grandpa (they only great-grandpa they had the pleasure of meeting) But we know he’s in heaven hanging out with Aslan & Della.

Continuing to love every day with them, as tired as we may be and as much coffee as our bodies need. We wouldn’t change it! Til the next time….Jason did a 50 days of Spring project if you’re interested in some more photos from this year!


**School, potty-training, sleeping, nursing vs formula are different for every child, I firmly believe parents choose what’s best for them, and the paths we’ve chosen with our kiddos is what works best for us, and honestly they’re different that we choose different paths for each of them based on how they react to things. So don’t take anything I say as we think we’re doing it better – ha, because we’re not. We’re winging it and we’re changing things up if it doesn’t work for us. They’re not this small forever, so we’re embracing these exhausting years.**

NIAW 2021

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I’ve hesitated to post this week, because I almost feel guilty we have had two successful pregnancies when I know so many continue to struggle to even get to that point. But I’ve always been an advocate for sharing your story, so I will continue to share mine.

The first time I shared our infertility journey, I didn’t receive backlash but I did get some comments that I didn’t NEED to share my story to everyone. And that made me feel guilty that I was trying to get attention to myself, when really I was just trying to draw attention to a subject that everyone seemed to brush under the rug.

1 in 8 couples deal with infertility.

1 in 4 women have a miscarriage.

Only 4 out of 10 women have a successful pregnancy with their first round of IVF.

After learning those facts 5 years ago, I decided to speak our story. However, now we have had 2 successful IVF pregnancies with 2 beautiful, sweet children and I feel a little guilty speaking about National Infertility Awareness Week. But, I’m still infertile, I still cannot have children without the use of IVF, I still take that huge chance of doing IVF and it not being successful, but yes, we do have two children. I refuse to let myself sit in that mindset, because where we are now is because of our struggles we went through and the only way I think I got through it mentally & physically was because of lots of prayers and support from those I shared our story with. So I will continue to share for others. And if we have another IVF journey I’ll share it as well.

And for now I’ll continue to love on these blessings we have, not take them for granted and raise these little ones to share their story and be brave when they question themselves.

5-11 months

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I feel a little guilty. I haven’t posted about Ryken’s life as I did with Zayden and I have felt terrible about it so I keep putting off writing updates. So, here is my attempt to play catch up…

They say you follow all the rules with your 1st then your 2nd you are like, eh sure have a little sugar or go do that, that’s safe. And I always thought that was a crazy mindset, but it’s true. And for me personally, it has nothing to do with caring or being more careful with one vs the other, but after having 1 survive for 3 years, you realize not all the unsaid “rules” they give to parents are meant to be followed. Also, children are crazy and keeping up with 1 vs 2 there’s not a ton of time to follow ALL the “rules” or even take a minute to write a blog. So I’ve been doing my updating of little miss via pictures on our Facebook pretty regularly. I mean, I can’t NOT post photos of that smile!

5-11 months has been a lot of the same (pandemic-wise), limited places we go, no travel unfortunately, only ordering out vs eating out (that’s hard on these foodies, we love the restaurant experience and just hasn’t been the same ordering out) and seeing family, a few select people in more recent months, our neighbors, and enjoying time at home/hikes/etc. Then the snowpocalypse hit and kept us even more confined, as literally, getting out of the driveway was near impossible and probably comical for those that saw my attempts. We were even forced ha, I saw partially kidding, partially serious but we were forced to purchase a new bouncy house. Our last one was struggling to survive the wrestling matches of a 3 year old and a new bouncy house has already gotten so much playtime I don’t know what we did before it. Trust me parents, worth that purchase if you’re needing to burn some extra energy regularly.

Zayden is still keeping us on our toes on the regular. He is always talking, literally, even in his sleep he talks. He LOVES zombies, playing “indivisible” aka invisible and has no issues telling me when we don’t talk that way lol. “Shut it” and “stupid” and maybe another word or two have been learned and quickly added to the do not say list. He has no issue telling me that, “We don’t call that box stupid mommy,” after I struggled to put the box together and gave up lol. He started “Cool” aka school at our church and although he hated it at first because he would miss us, he seems to enjoy going now, just occasionally gets nervous and bored as he would say. “What’s nervous again? I get nervous because I’m going to miss you,” with a quiver in his voice and a little lip shake. Momma & Daddy hearts melt and hurt all at the same time with this. And he usually comes home very happy and tells us about his day (sometimes) and tells me if he has any “drips” aka tears come down during the day or not. The only time he’s had drips is at naptime when he missed me. Ha, melted and hurt heart all over again. He’s REALLY loving sister lately, he likes to have her watch him play games but doesn’t always want her to play. He likes to show her things and brush her hair and tell her what she can and can’t do. He’s my little helper most days! He still loves me more than I think anything haha and still sleeps in bed with us and still is in diapers – we’ll get there one day but for now we’re just embracing these little moments that won’t last forever.

Ryken is ON THE MOVE. She started crawling around 4-5 months and became a professional power crawler until 10.5-11 months and she decided to walk and hasn’t stopped since. She’s happy 99% of the time, ornery the rest of the time, with a smidge of fussiness here and there, but generally speaking she’s only fussy when she doesn’t get her way. She knows how to get what she wants, when she wants and talk about nervous, ha, that makes me nervous for the future but for now it’s pretty dang cute and I commend her for being a boss baby! 🙂 We’re trying to raise a young woman that commands respect, knows how to get what she wants, and knows her worth, and I think she’s doing pretty good about doing it so far. She LOVES to be outside. Rain, shine, snow, doesn’t matter to this girl, she wants to be outside and she wants to be on the go. I remember when Zayden was younger he liked being outside, but not like her. And she’s a straight up daredevil. I watch the things she does sometimes and I know in my heart that she’s too young, but I let her attempt and am always pretty impressed by her rebound or success in it. We always thought Zayden would be our little motorcycle rider, but starting to think Miss Ryken may do it before he does. Ha. Lord help us.

Ryken is loving most foods, prefers to do acrobatic nursing or drinking from a big cup, the bottles are hit or miss. She’s decided a pacifier is no longer her thing. She loves loves her brother and her daddy and Ollie is her favorite dog. She likes to pester Charlie, not in a mean way but in a – I’ll pet him when he’s sleeping because he will growl at me way lol. He’s a trooper but loves her just as much! Jason and Ryken have this sweet special bond that I guess I’ve never seen but Jason would compare it to Zayden and my bond. They even have a special handshake (kind of) 🙂 I’ll leave that for just them, but I want to note it because I don’t want to forget it. She also loves to mimic us, if she hears a word or sound – she’s going to try to mimic it the best she can. Today I said “better” randomly and she said “better.” Wait, what did you just say? She smiles and runs away! Other words she has said, Hi (to everyone by the way), bubba, daddy, momma, OLLIE (but only yelling Ollie’s name when she steals something from her ha), Charlie is an attempt but can’t quite get there, up and uh oh are said all day long. And then the random words she likes to repeat once and then act like she never said them, unfortunately I haven’t kept track of those but it’s safe to say she’ll be talking early like her brother.

She hasn’t traveled like her brother did when he was her age, but she has taken 1 trip to New Mexico and recently to St. Louis, MO. Last weekend, we took the kids and my brother’s family to the zoo, City Museum, and the aquarium and ran amuck in STL for just a little getaway. We were able to see some friends and family but it was a short and sweet break for us and for them. They need that change of scenery, and to enjoy the experiences that we all have been missing. We have our next trip to Arizona planned for next month, so fully looking forward to some flying with them again!

Sweet girl turns 1 in less than 2 weeks and I honestly don’t know where time has gone. 2020 was the slowest and fastest month. I’m glad we were able to be slightly sheltered from what others had struggled with in the city, but I also want to be realistic with them about what 2020 brought. Nothing like being born in a pandemic, but she has been such a light to us. Ryken Spree is exactly what 2020 needed and I’m so thankful we were able to have her during this weird, sad time.

We are looking forward to many more laughs and smiles together this year! Stay tuned. 🙂

4 Months | Ryken Spree

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Sweet, happy girl turned 4 months yesterday and I’m clueless how that happened so quickly.  How is it possible? 

Ryken is as happy as can be (besides the teething) most days.  She is just now starting to roll over and holds her head up so well.  Not one day has passed that she isn’t happy! ❤️ Her personality is starting to come out and she’s a little combination of sweet, ornery and sass.  She’s been sleeping like a champ until recently but no complaints – we’ll sleep someday 😂

Zayden still isn’t 110% sure about sissy but he’s warming up to her. He’s very excited about when she’s big enough to play with him! Some fun things about Zayden:

Continuing to love to learn, swim and be his curious little self. He knows more random facts about things that I can keep track up (most of these “facts” he tells me are spot on but occasionally he gets his info mixed up. One of the more questionable facts is turtles can jump up to 10x their length and they can jump 10 miles. 😂 Another cute thing he does, is wonders what color the car will be after we come out of the car wash. He’s always a little disappointed when my car comes out to be white after every wash lol.

Pandemic is still the pandemic, life is still limited, but we’ve adapted and are lucky enough to see all of our immediate family and enjoy the lake most weekends. Life is different but thankful for these two sweeties.

3 months & 32 months

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How did we get here?  Little Miss Ryken is 3 months old today and Zayden is over 2.5 years old (yes I had to count the months to figure it out bc I have up counting months awhile back!)

Ryken is smiling every day.  Cooing all the time, sitting in her lion chair, holding her head up really well and officially rolled over for the first time today!  She’s been pretty content just chilling and letting us move her until today.  She loves to swim in our little pool, riding in car rides is a breeze, and sleeping is her thing (thankfully)!

Zayden is still is curious, adventurous, smart little self. He still is a bit particular when it comes to the food he wants to eat. He traces his name and words really well, starting to color inside the lines, loves to create things and is a little obsessed with excavators and tractors. He takes all information we give him and can repeat it a month later – this kiddo surprises me every day. We’ve been working on reading and I wouldn’t be surprised if he could read some by the time he turns 3. He could step up his sports game a little, but he will get there if he wants eventually (currently, he thinks a basketball is a football and a baseball is a basketball). He loves his sis but still wants momma’s attention when I give her too much! 😂🤷 And he loves to swim in his pool & the lake, so much so we can’t get him out of the water most days. He even got to tube with his cousin and me and all he wanted to do was, “Go faster.”

Last month, we got to see zebras, Ryken met her great grandma Jackie, and finally got to see Ryken’s grandparents (Papa & Grammie Vinson). This meant travelling 11 hours by car to New Mexico during pandemic was interesting but we did it! They both actually did really well! ❤️🚗 We also got to shoot off huge fireworks thanks to the Qualls family; Ryken slept through most of them and Zayden loved them as long as he was wearing his headphones 😂

Life is still fairly quarantined with a little more outside life but staying at a safe and cautious distance! We are ready for things to be a little more normal but we’ve learned this may just be our new normal. Our children may never step in a store again or eat inside a restaurant for quite some time, maybe they will not blink an eye when they get to school age and have to wear masks all the time. Who knows, but we are loving life with them no matter what type of restrictions life gives us.

We are so grateful for our two cuties and praying to continue to stay healthy, happy and as rested as we can!