I mean, what were we thinking? On chaotic days, I think this, but them quickly reminded I wouldn’t have the sweet hugs I get every day if I didn’t have the chaotic ones too!
Today, marks 9 weeks of a healthy heartbeat of one baby. We did lose the other twin, as we had thought after the last appointment but last week, we confirmed the twin had yet to grow for a couple of weeks and was no longer getting blood flow, however still present. So instead of “vanishing” like a vanishing twin should, still there for the moment. I’ve yet to process this fully, and I’m sure that will hit hard when the time comes, but we are thankful for the heartbeat we did get to see. I’m feeling pretty good, besides a little tired and some on and off sickness in the evenings, and so much lack of sleep I’m not sure how my body is surviving but it is happening. Zayden hopes this one is a girl and Ryken goes back and forth between baby boy and baby girl, but I just remind them we’re just hoping for another healthy baby just like them. We also have some names that the kids have come up with. Zayden is holding strong to Obi or Ryken (yes, he thinks it would be funny to name 2 kids Ryken). And Ryken just continues to say Baby, so poor kid will probably be nicknamed Baby for the rest of their life. They both also understand twin did go to heaven to hang out with Della.
19 months. Oh girl, Ryken is such a little wild child, but then is the sweetest all at the same time. She gives the best hugs. She whispers, sometimes yells “HUG” whenever she wants one and you’ll get about 15 in a matter of 30 seconds. She likes to do everything her Bub does and she is a wee bit demanding some days. We are still working on telling her that “RIGHT NOW” is not something you add to every sentence. Like “HUG RIGHT NOW” or “YOGURT RIGHT NOW PLEASE” is not how we talk lol, kind of cute, but I foresee this developing into more things as she gets older. Ha. Lord, help us. She adores her brother and her puppy Ollie, and most days she likes Charlie but only when he’s not trying to steal her food from her. If she could live outside and only eat popsicles, I’m pretty sure she would. And she still despises her hair being brushed. Yes, we’re one of those families that brushes their kids hair, no matter how strong the fight is in the child, but I’m not going to make her wear a bow or headband of pony because she just doesn’t want to this stage. Maybe one day she will change it up, for now she will be the brushed, straggly hair kiddo. 🙂 I can’t wait to see how her personality develops even more over the next few months.
4 years. I’m STILL in shock that we have a 4-year old. I’m not sure how that happened so quickly, and some days I don’t actually remember what life was like pre-Zayden, but I can tell you it is way better now. He is too smart. Remembers way more than I think he would, which makes it very difficult to get things past him. He loves to interrupt a friendly spouse spat with a “CAN YOU GUYS JUST GET ON THE SAME PAGE?” lol and he likes to make sure his sister follows the rules. He’s been put on phone duty. If someone accidentally leaves their phone out and sister goes for it, he knows to tell us right away so we don’t have any more accidental 911 calls. He also likes to make sure she doesn’t eat anything she’s not supposed to or share a cup that’s clearly his. Ha. He still loves his school and his favorite thing is playing with his friends and singing songs at school, to everyone, and everywhere. It’s my favorite thing he does at the moment. He’s really into playing board games and just recently, Jason introduced Mario Kart to him. I can confidently say that I can easily beat him in this game, but I’m sure that won’t last for long, but I will hold to my mom-win for the week! He’s such a fantastic big brother and he’s growing so fast, I can’t take it all in fast enough.
Continuing to be grateful for this chaotic journey. There’s your little update for the day from this family of 5. 🙂
Tag: vanishing twin
Never as planned..
This week things didn’t go as planned. I imagined a call Tuesday or Wednesday to find out the gender and (hopefully) good news on genetic testing. Tuesday & Wednesday went by with no news as I patiently impatiently waited. In the meantime, since this is very likely our last pregnancy, we thought we would do a special ultrasound at the end of our first trimester to just see little one and let Jason & Zayden see it’s not actually a baby shark 🤦🏼♀️. Let’s just say Zayden is still not fully convinced. I did share a little photo at the bottom of the post because the way a child is formed at just 12 weeks truly is a miracle. ***If you’re at a place in your life a bitty baby picture could trigger something for you, just stop reading this post early. I’ve been there, I get it and speaking from personal experience, don’t do it to yourself.***
Little one appeared healthy but he/she is also 12 weeks, so of course it’s early. It also is hard to determine the gender and the sweet woman doing the ultrasound made 2 guesses and there is 100% chance she is right on one of the guesses. 😂
Thursday rolled around and we got that Dr. call… I was on the phone with Jason and quickly hung up, because I didn’t want to miss this call. I could tell our sweet nurse wasn’t as bubbly as normal, so my mind circled with hundreds of thoughts while silently screaming in my head, “Just tell me.” Due to the twin we lost (what they call a vanishing twin), the results came back messy. The test read as high risk for several things. My heart dropped. Soooooo, it isn’t necessarily bad news because it’s likely just from the vanishing twin, right? Right?? An answer I don’t really have at the moment. We pray the high risk things are just coming from the vanishing twin, but I’d be lying if I said my confidence about this pregnancy wasn’t quickly deflated as my mind filled with thoughts of fear and worry. I no longer care the gender (not that I did before but I was looking forward to knowing), but now all we want to know is that Baby V is healthy.
I’ve been told by the very few people we’ve told that “God has this.” And He absolutely does, but my confidence is just shaken. Due to the vanishing twin, there may not be a genetic test we can do to determine if all things are in the clear, and if not we can wait but that peace of mind is worth something to this mama. I always thought – we’ve gone through the struggle. He knows we can’t handle more, that’s why Zayden pregnancy and birth were pretty darn easy, but maybe He isn’t quite done with our struggle yet. Who knows. We’d be guessing and left without answers so just continuing to pray for healthy baby and trying my hardest to enjoy this pregnancy. God knows that little one needs all the love no matter what and that’s what we are here for.
Of course, all the negative thoughts or comments are strictly coming from the things I’ve created in my head and none of it is fact but just assumptions. So do not take this as a sad post, just one that is leaving us with questions. For all we know little one is healthy but having that confirmation is always nice to have…but until then, here’s a sweet picture of our bitty baby! ❤️
For those following the past few posts and keeping C & B in your prayers – their transfer days are quickly approaching and they need a few more for good, successful transfers with no stress & worries! ❤️
Momhood or lack there of 