Zayden in a Pandemic

I had no intention of posting again til after little sis was born, but this blog started with our infertility journey to Zayden and I want to continue to document our journey for both of them. So, I have to document this chaos happening in today’s world and what it’s like pregnant and for a toddler.

Zayden doesn’t really get what’s going on, I mean he’s 2 ha, but it has affected his every day life (in a very minimal way).  He misses his buddy Hayden and we have been keeping our distance from neighbors and no one has come into the house besides his (also isolated) nanny some days. He doesn’t understand why he can’t see his Gammie and Papaw and he definitely wants to see his Uncle Will, Aunt, B, and Lima but has been content enough with video calls for the time being.  No parks, no swimming at Bentonville Community Center, no shopping at Target (this kid may not love shopping at Target, but LOVES LOVES running the aisles).  In fact, he loves it so much, we used to take him there purely to burn off energy and for no real reason of actually getting anything. Ha. #parentsconfessions  No traveling to the lake or to play with his cousins and no church class. So life in his eyes has been more limited, but it also has given him his momma and daddy time, which is all he’s really concerned with.

This time has been filled with lots of painting, coloring chalk all over the driveway and a little on the garage door.  So many walks around the neighborhood, looking for worms and puddles to splash in, and playing in the backyard with the dogs, etc.  Thankfully, this pandemic has come at a time where we want to be home more with Zayden anyways and I’ve limited my work significantly being in the 9th month of pregnancy.  However, knowing I was going to spend more time at home doesn’t make it less difficult finding ways to keep a toddler entertained easily day in and day out.  When we have a rough morning of meltdowns, we get discouraged about not having enough to do, but quickly reminded all you really need is that love from the parents to get you through the tougher times.  And we are grateful we are able to be there for him.

Of course this has affected our daily activities and chores as well, like never did I think I’d be wiping down our groceries before bringing them into the house or going days upon days without seeing my family (for those than know us, that’s really surprising), nor did I think we wouldn’t be allowing anyone into the house after sis is born for awhile and this has been new adjustment.  And I didn’t think we’d be postponing weddings/sessions left and right due to restrictions.  Yet, my mind is set to be thankful.  Thankful for this pandemic and more time to spend with Zayden.  Of course, I’m not thankful for how the economy is being affected, lives are being lost, people starting to turn on each other over TP or more hate crimes because they think another race is purposefully trying to spread the virus, or parents and individuals are experiencing firsts in a way they never thought they’d have to.  But this has given us time to step back and really embrace being in the moments and not being caught up in the hustle and bustle of being here or there.  And just taking the moments to breathe in (cautiously and within a safe distance from everyone else) and being present.

Continuing prayers for everyone, especially all the soon to be parents are healthy and those sweet babes are being born healthy, the immunocompromised, and those on the front lines during this difficult time.  And lifting up those that have lost loved ones.  I never imagined experiencing something like this, but we are in it and hoping for an end soon.  Til then, enjoying our sweet baby boy and last few days before we become a family of four.

Also – if you’re interested in following Zayden’s journey during this quarantined lifestyle – here’s a few images or follow his Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zaydengray/

 

Count down & the new norm

Where do I start?  Every day I think about being pregnant and “quarantined” I think about how weird of a time it is to be pregnant. I mean, it’s a weird time for everyone right now but I’m going to just speak as a pregnant mama during this Covid19 world.  Did you know some states aren’t allowing spouses or a support system to be in the same room during delivery?  Did you know most or maybe all states by now are ONLY letting 1 spouse/support system in the room? Or that no visitors whatsoever are allowed in?  No siblings, grandparents, friends or family are allowed to visit the baby in the hospital. It’s a change to keep us all safe, obviously, so I have no qualms about it, but it’s a little sad too.  In addition, we are limiting grandparents or anyone in the house to no one, unless they’ve been self-quarantined for 14 days themselves.

Daily, I go through a range of emotions from worried, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, baffled, and the emotions go on and on.  Of those emotions I experience regularly, very minimal times do my emotions reflect excited, happy, upbeat, and peaceful. Blessed, absolutely, I feel that every single day.  However, this current environment is stripping my excitement and peace as each day goes by.  We’ve gone through what we believe is every possible scenario of how this delivery could play out that we can think of.  I know we don’t know what’s to come but we can attempt to be as prepared as possible.

Scenario 1: We have baby girl easily and without a hitch! Jason is in the room, baby and mom are healthy and get sent home quickly.  Zayden is taken care of by my sis while we’re gone.  This is the scenario we are praying for!

Scenario 2: Jason isn’t allowed in the hospital room and misses the birth of his 2nd child. I labor/deliver on my own.  Jason takes care of Zayden, mom and baby girl are healthy and released home quickly.

Scenario 3: One of  us tests positive for Covid-19.  We are isolated from baby until she tests negative/positive. If negative, we isolate positive person at home, while the negative person(s) isolate elsewhere.

Scenario 4: Z gets sick & tests positive, none of the rest of us do.  We quarantine baby sis and me elsewhere while Jason quarantines with Z at home.

Scenario 5: All of us get it besides baby sis.  My mom and sister will hopefully be healthy and take turns caring for sis til we are allowed to see her.  This is the scenario I am fearing the most.  Not that my mom and sister aren’t fully capable of loving and handling baby sis on their own, but it’s more germs to be exposed to and to be forced away from your newborn child is a very unnerving thought.

Scenario 6: We all get sick and test positive for Covid-19 and we all quarantined at home.  Honestly, if we are all healthy enough to not have huge issues with the virus, I would prefer this over isolating any of us from another.  So I guess surprisingly this is the most ideal scenario after 1 & 2.

Scenario 7: Our hospitals become overwhelmed and I’ll not be able to birth in hospital.  Let’s not even go into this one because it’s so far out of my head at the moment.  A possibility, yes, but not something I want to think about at the moment.

Scenario 8: We have labor & delivery complications with me or baby sis.  I’m not allowing myself to go down this road mentally, so we’ll leave it at that.

I truly despise that my mind even goes to any of this….but in this world, we have to go through these scenarios and create plans and back up plans.  We simply do not know what to expect and it’s way beyond what we had to think about last time around.  With Zayden, the only thing we planned for is making sure our dogs were taken care of while we were in the hospital.  I’m sure some may think this is all extreme, honestly I don’t care what they may think, because we’re just doing what’s best for our kiddos and until you’re in this situation then I don’t know you’ve fully grasp it.

These scenarios continue to weigh heavily on me day and night.  Being isolated from Zayden or baby sis will be one of the toughest things we’ve ever had to do, and let’ me remind you we went through 6+ years of infertility, multiple surgeries, miscarriages after miscarriages and IVF twice, so that’s kind of saying something lol  To be isolated from either of them is what scares us the most..

To end this, I’ll give you a little update on where we are baby wise.  Baby sis still doesn’t have a name yet, but we are considering Zayden’s latest suggestion of Princess Sissy. She seems to be doing good with a healthy heartbeat and moving a ton still.  Dilated to a 3 (whoa – we never got this far with Zayden without being induced), and we have an induction date scheduled for 04/06 unless she comes before.  🙂 Finding this out earlier today brought tears to my eyes because it makes this all just a little more real.

Here’s to this new norm that we’re adjusting to and hopefully just a little more than  a week before little sis arrives!  And while we wait, we continue to soak up every minute possible with Zayden.  Jason has been thankfully capturing photos every single day and sharing them on our facebook in case you want a cute little pick me up. 🙂

Praying for all those expecting mamas out there that are experiencing the ups and downs of their pregnancies.  Hoping for peace and safe & healthy deliveries!