Tag: covid19

2 Months in THIS World

unravelingtheyarn2 Comments

Sweet girl, you are 2 months (yesterday) and you are full of smiles, despite the world chaos you have come into. Generally, my posts of you and Zayden are just about you and where you have traveled to and things you have done, but things are much bigger than just you or us.

You were born into a pandemic & now protests & riots everywhere. Let me explain so you know just how different this life is than what we expected you to come into. We have been isolated for quite some time until more recently. We didn’t have visitors, we didn’t see family or friends (and still haven’t seen most friends) and we haven’t been out in the world since you were born. Until recently, this week we traveled to see your Grandma & Grandpa Vinson. And while in isolation, we have done a handful of fun things like ride your first boat on the lake, your first pool time, traveling 11 hours in the car, and you & your brother’s first camping trip which you loved every single thing and smiled through it all! We have experienced quite a bit of happiness in our little bubble, and yet there is so much sadness here and in our world that my heart hurts you’ve come at this time. It hurts that we haven’t done better as a society. We shouldn’t be seeing the hate we are seeing now, things that should have never ever happened have. But I’m going to tell you about it because this is reality. We should be living in a world where hate shouldn’t be present, racism should be non-existent, rights for people of color should be just as equal to anyone else’s. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. You my sweet girl are privileged, there is no doubt about that. We are not judged by our skin color. It unfortunately happens in this world and has caused so many unruly deaths, and produced so much hate that I can’t even explain it fully to you. But I will try. We are already trying to teach your bubs and you about racism, and love and hate in this world. We are trying to teach you both about white privilege and will continue so hopefully you don’t have to live through the same things that we are witnessing. You and your brother are the future. You are the change.

Prior to your birth, we had covid19 hit the world and have been in a pandemic for awhile now. Businesses have been closed down, restrictions with what you can and cannot do, how many people can be together at a time, etc. For us, it fell at a time where we had to stay at home anyways and this just gave us more time with you and Z while weddings get postponed and the scheduled things we had opened up. The pandemic continues, little help was given to small businesses and people that have poured their lives into their business have to close down for good. Then people start to protest about opening back up, some states (like Arkansas) have opened back up with some restrictions and some have chosen to stay closed down. It’s a weird world as a small business owner. Next up, murder hornets – honestly, just Google this when you get old enough because if I try to even explain them, you’ll think I’m making it up from a movie or something. Then shortly thereafter, a terrible murder happens to George Floyd, a man that did not deserve to be treated like he was and he died a terrible death. The world hasn’t been the same since and it shouldn’t be. Protests began in every state. Then riots began. People are taking a stand. We are taking a stand. This was another person of color that died unjustly and we have to stand that this stops. You will be taught to treat others better. You will be taught to love. You will be taught not to hate. And you will be taught to stand up for things you believe in. Sweet girl, you and your brother be the change and we vow to pour into you so you don’t witness these same tragedies every single day.

I am sorry this book of our journey for you and your brother has turned into a world of chaos, but it’s apart of your life. We pray you never experience the unjust things that are happening in the world, not because you were born with a privilege or because you are living in a bubble, but because changed has happened.

Count down & the new norm

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Where do I start?  Every day I think about being pregnant and “quarantined” I think about how weird of a time it is to be pregnant. I mean, it’s a weird time for everyone right now but I’m going to just speak as a pregnant mama during this Covid19 world.  Did you know some states aren’t allowing spouses or a support system to be in the same room during delivery?  Did you know most or maybe all states by now are ONLY letting 1 spouse/support system in the room? Or that no visitors whatsoever are allowed in?  No siblings, grandparents, friends or family are allowed to visit the baby in the hospital. It’s a change to keep us all safe, obviously, so I have no qualms about it, but it’s a little sad too.  In addition, we are limiting grandparents or anyone in the house to no one, unless they’ve been self-quarantined for 14 days themselves.

Daily, I go through a range of emotions from worried, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, baffled, and the emotions go on and on.  Of those emotions I experience regularly, very minimal times do my emotions reflect excited, happy, upbeat, and peaceful. Blessed, absolutely, I feel that every single day.  However, this current environment is stripping my excitement and peace as each day goes by.  We’ve gone through what we believe is every possible scenario of how this delivery could play out that we can think of.  I know we don’t know what’s to come but we can attempt to be as prepared as possible.

Scenario 1: We have baby girl easily and without a hitch! Jason is in the room, baby and mom are healthy and get sent home quickly.  Zayden is taken care of by my sis while we’re gone.  This is the scenario we are praying for!

Scenario 2: Jason isn’t allowed in the hospital room and misses the birth of his 2nd child. I labor/deliver on my own.  Jason takes care of Zayden, mom and baby girl are healthy and released home quickly.

Scenario 3: One of  us tests positive for Covid-19.  We are isolated from baby until she tests negative/positive. If negative, we isolate positive person at home, while the negative person(s) isolate elsewhere.

Scenario 4: Z gets sick & tests positive, none of the rest of us do.  We quarantine baby sis and me elsewhere while Jason quarantines with Z at home.

Scenario 5: All of us get it besides baby sis.  My mom and sister will hopefully be healthy and take turns caring for sis til we are allowed to see her.  This is the scenario I am fearing the most.  Not that my mom and sister aren’t fully capable of loving and handling baby sis on their own, but it’s more germs to be exposed to and to be forced away from your newborn child is a very unnerving thought.

Scenario 6: We all get sick and test positive for Covid-19 and we all quarantined at home.  Honestly, if we are all healthy enough to not have huge issues with the virus, I would prefer this over isolating any of us from another.  So I guess surprisingly this is the most ideal scenario after 1 & 2.

Scenario 7: Our hospitals become overwhelmed and I’ll not be able to birth in hospital.  Let’s not even go into this one because it’s so far out of my head at the moment.  A possibility, yes, but not something I want to think about at the moment.

Scenario 8: We have labor & delivery complications with me or baby sis.  I’m not allowing myself to go down this road mentally, so we’ll leave it at that.

I truly despise that my mind even goes to any of this….but in this world, we have to go through these scenarios and create plans and back up plans.  We simply do not know what to expect and it’s way beyond what we had to think about last time around.  With Zayden, the only thing we planned for is making sure our dogs were taken care of while we were in the hospital.  I’m sure some may think this is all extreme, honestly I don’t care what they may think, because we’re just doing what’s best for our kiddos and until you’re in this situation then I don’t know you’ve fully grasp it.

These scenarios continue to weigh heavily on me day and night.  Being isolated from Zayden or baby sis will be one of the toughest things we’ve ever had to do, and let’ me remind you we went through 6+ years of infertility, multiple surgeries, miscarriages after miscarriages and IVF twice, so that’s kind of saying something lol  To be isolated from either of them is what scares us the most..

To end this, I’ll give you a little update on where we are baby wise.  Baby sis still doesn’t have a name yet, but we are considering Zayden’s latest suggestion of Princess Sissy. She seems to be doing good with a healthy heartbeat and moving a ton still.  Dilated to a 3 (whoa – we never got this far with Zayden without being induced), and we have an induction date scheduled for 04/06 unless she comes before.  🙂 Finding this out earlier today brought tears to my eyes because it makes this all just a little more real.

Here’s to this new norm that we’re adjusting to and hopefully just a little more than  a week before little sis arrives!  And while we wait, we continue to soak up every minute possible with Zayden.  Jason has been thankfully capturing photos every single day and sharing them on our facebook in case you want a cute little pick me up. 🙂

Praying for all those expecting mamas out there that are experiencing the ups and downs of their pregnancies.  Hoping for peace and safe & healthy deliveries!