A little overcome with emotion as I think there’s less than 7 days til we get to meet little Kyden Jade! And the emotion isn’t just coming from me, it also is coming from Zayden. Despite several attempts and explanations of how momma should be in and out of hospital, he does have a little apprehension about hospitals in general. He asked if he could just come with me, ha but to avoid being scarred for life I quickly told him that wasn’t possible. Lol.
In the past week or so, Zayden has been talking to Kyden, giving her kisses and hugging her when he hugs me! It is so sweet and I think he’s finally starting to realize another littles is coming. Ryken daily asks for HER baby to come and gets upset when she sees her baby dolls aren’t actually real 😂 Honestly, it will likely be the biggest change for her, but maybe she will adjust well. I mean, wishful thinking at least! Either way, I cannot wait to watch these two be the big siblings they were made to be! I fully anticipate more crying, laughing, stress and less sleep in our near future!
It’s a little bittersweet to have these last few days, knowing these are the last few days of being pregnant…ever again. There’s no possibility of any surprise pregnancies and we have chosen this was our last round of IVF for our sanity, budget, and just health in general. Every round of IVF takes a whole different toll on your body, hormones, emotions, weight, etc etc and it just isn’t in the plan for us. However, if I’ve learned anything during the past 8+ years, it is our “plans” and His plans do not always match up. We are so thankful for the support, encouragement and prayers over the years as our IVF journey comes to an end. We do plan to adopt one day; we do not know how or when that will happen, but we feel that has always been a path we want to pursue. As our family continues to grow, we will continue to share our journey of growing and learning.
A little update on the littles… Ryken is still as sassy as ever, a little dare devil, and isn’t afraid to speak her mind (to anyone). She has started school 2 days a week which she loves and goes in without any hesitation! She loves her baby dolls (most days), her doggies, despises car seats, plays kitchen and makes obstacles courses every day. Prefers to pick out her own outfit, shoes and likes to do everything “all by myself,” loves to cook with me and imitate anything her bubby does and says. She still “hides” by covering her eyes when she feels uncomfortable around strangers but is starting to be more open to others!
Zayden, still loves school and making friends. He continues to talk nonstop and teaches me things he’s learned. He still wants to be an astronaut and scientist. He has been begging to go to an Escape Room 😂 if that explains his personality at all! He has recently started loving to swim again, he went through a phase of not loving it but has been really into wearing his goggles and swimming any time he can. Every day there is a new “experiment” he has done, 99.9% of the time it is not something you would want to smell, taste or touch as it has every spice, soap or sanitizer in it, approach at your own risk.
Kyden, she was growing and 2.5 weeks ahead of schedule until recently her growth has slowed down and she has also dropped. Praying she continues to defy the odds of her 2 vessel possible restrictions and be big and strong. We have been doing non-stress test once a week the past 3 weeks to make sure she is doing what she needs to be and she continues to move around on the regular. Our plan for her is to make her entrance via induction next Thursday (06/23) unless she wants to do what she wants and decides to come earlier. If she does, we are praying it is not til Monday. Jason is currently traveling and we’d love for him to be back before then, but if we have learned anything over the years, it’s to roll with what God gives you, He will not give you more than you cannot take and our children never have been ones to follow the “plans” so we shall see right?
Hopefully our next update will have bitty baby photos attached!
I don’t feel like writing today..but forcing myself, because I have a lot of items swirling in my head. It helps me personally to address my concerns to the interwebs of the world or whoever wants to read and get it out of my head space. Also, I almost always feel guilty blogging nowadays, because I should be playing with the kids or reading a book with them in lieu of over here typing away not paying attention to them fully. It’s a weird mom guilt world out there, and I’m just living in it.
ANYWAYS, let’s start off with all the good things, then I’ll get to the rest…
Ryken – she is 22 months old this month and I just can’t wrap my head around her turning 2. How and when did this happen? I feel kind of sad, she’s only know this pandemic world, but she’s also been filled with a less full schedule of mom and dad being gone and more creativity at home. YES, we can go and travel and we did last month. However, limitations and just wanting to stay healthy for us and others plays a big factor on what we do and don’t do. Like everyone else I’m sure, pre-covid, a simple runny nose wouldn’t have stopped me from going on a trip. Now, post-covid world, I’m taking a test a day prior to us leaving the country to make sure we aren’t positive and will be A. getting others sick, and B. getting quarantined somewhere outside our home. I says all this, and we went to Mexico last month and we did not have a negative test upon returning to the US, but along the way home in the airport or somewhere, we did all catch covid and were quarantined at home for a bit. We all had mild cases in the big scheme of things with migraine-like headaches, fevers, etc but the kids just ate lots of popsicles and we upped the vitamins recommended and moved on. This is a good thing, we had not gotten it and it was almost a breath of fresh air to just all get it at the same time and get over it. I know not everyone is that fortunate, so we were counting our blessings for sure!
Back to Ryken – even in this covid world, she is still the light she was when she arrived on 04/06/2020. And when I say light…SHE IS A BURST of light, like a firecracker but not just any firecracker – the commercial type ones that thousands of people go to watch. She gets your attention and she isn’t afraid of what you may think (unless you hurt her feelings by telling her no, then she does care what you think). Ha. In all seriousness, she is such a sweet little girl and so, so ornery at the same time. She can fool you with a quick grin and sweet giggle, so you have to be on your toes. She not only gives Jason and I a run for our money, she does Zayden as well. She still loves all the animals, anything and everything that even resembles an animal, she instantly loves it and of course has about 15 stuffed animals she likes to play with these days. And she loves her baby dolls. Every morning she asks where her baby is, and goes and wraps her up in a wash cloth, because I have yet to get her any baby doll blankets lol. It’s pretty entertaining to watch. I never really talk about how smart she is, I know with Zayden he was so book smart and LOVED to learn at a really early age. She’s not really into doing workbooks or puzzles, learning colors or numbers like Zayden was, but she has learned those things. And she is such a smart little girl. She has a bit of a country accent (oops, she got that one from me), and some times I can’t always tell what she’s saying. For example, she drew a picture and said it was a BAIL, mom it’s a BAIL, a BAIL. I couldn’t figure it out and it looked like a triangle and I was still drawing a blank. Finally, she sighs, rolls her eyes and says, “Ding dong, ding dong.” A BELL! A bell, yes, that IS a bell! When Zayden was her age, he would just say the word over and over and get frustrated with me until I was able to distract him to something else OR I was able to figure it out. Ryken wants me to figure it out and explores other ways that just saying it over and over til I get it. It’s such a small thing but so funny how their minds work and work so differently.
Onto my sweet boy, he’s still a sweetheart and loves his friends and cousins so much! And when we pray for someone, he comes back a few days later and asks me how he/she is doing, like he’s really listening and involved in the prayers. Sometimes I don’t know how much he hears, but he seems to hear and take in more than I think most days. We had a friend in the hospital with covid, pneumonia, lung damage, etc, etc, etc, for about 3 or maybe even 4 months and we prayed for this man a ton. Zayden would ask to pray for him about every other day and we sent him a picture we colored to hopefully make his hospital room a little brighter. Praise God he was able to come home YESTERDAY, so that was exciting to hear and Zayden thought that was pretty cool he got to leave the hospital when we weren’t sure if he would be able to or not. Zayden has become a gamer. Ha, not that we love to do a lot of video games but it happens and I don’t even know how to play in the world he’s created, but he does and thankfully daddy does and gets roped into it too. He still loves soccer and plans to play in the spring, and he loves to keep us on our toes. I’m ALWAYS learning new things from him or googling things that he needs to know the answers to. Ha, anything about volcanoes, I now probably know the answer to. Ask away, I got you and if not I’ll refer to Zayden because he does.
Baby V. She doesn’t have a name yet, and we think we’ll let Ryken choose (if you remember Zayden got to choose Ryken). However, not fully sure we can trust Ryken with this but we’ll give her a few to choose from and hope for the best! If all else fails, mommy gets final say in the hospital. Ha, and I’ll let her choose the middle name. If you’ve been around this ornery girl, you know what I mean. Baby V is growing like she should be and her anatomy scan went well, with the exception of one scare (for me, they say it could be nothing but there’s always a chance so of course for any mom it is a scare). Anyways, yesterday, we had our anatomy scan and all seemed well, but there’s a 1% chance in all pregnancies to have a 2 vessel cord in lieu of 3 vessel cord. I never even knew it was a thing and of course, I have a 2-vessel cord. Like I said, it may amount to nothing, but the biggest concern is making sure baby grows properly, specifically the kidneys. If you’re interested, I can tell you more about what I know but google can tell you a few things as well. Apparently, this is more common in white women over 25-check, check, multiple pregnancy (i.e. twins)-check, as we started this pregnancy with vanishing twin, and being pregnant with a girl-check, another item is high blood sugar, which I’ve never experienced, but will be ensuring my diet doesn’t allow that for the remainder of pregnancy (because who doesn’t need to cut out some sugar). What does this mean? Maybe nothing, or maybe that sweet girl has restricted or limited blood flow and could slow her growth. Per several things I’ve read online (legitimate sources, not googling to scare myself but to be informed). “2-3 out of 10 single umbilical artery pregnancies have health problems, including heart, kidney or digestion problems with genetic conditions.”
SO, there’s that. Like I said, so far she’s growing as she said and right on 20 weeks like I am. She doesn’t kick a ton but she does alligator rolls most of the day (if that tells us anything about her personality already) and there’s nothing we can really do. Stressing about it isn’t going to get us anywhere, but praying about it and lifting her up will. I say this all, but I will admit I found this out yesterday morning and the second I had a moment to myself I cried, a lot. I thought, I should pray about this but I was a little too ticked off to. How ridiculous to hear me say that BUT it’s the truth. I was pissed. I knew deep down we’ve had 2 easy pregnancies, some sickness here and there but overall it was a really easy pregnancy (once we got pregnant) and very easy delivery and recovery. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES that we’d make it 3 easy pregnancies. I knew that, but I also have heard, oh your body has done this before, it’ll be a breeze this time. Well, wake up call to Chasnie – your plans are not His plans. Anyways, finally prayed last night about baby girl and about giving it to Him in lieu of stewing on it, stressing about it, and thinking the worst could happen. In the end, whatever were to happen, we have a perfect little girl that is on track and growing fine right now. She will be perfect no matter if there is a “defect” or not. (I say in quotations “defect” as a medical term). However, as a parent, your first inclination and probably inclination for life is you want your child healthy and to have a blessed life without complications, so of course, my first thought is to be upset, mad, worried, sad…and feel whatever I’m feeling right now. But I’m fully aware, she will be perfect however she is, in the 2-3 chance out of 10 that physically she is not, she still is in our eyes and His eyes. {Mini Rant: Some may read this as me being over the top, honestly I don’t even care anymore. I’ve heard enough negative things over the years of IVF journey that it doesn’t seem to phase me and my thoughts.} But this is how I process my fears, worries, and concerns. It helps me get it out of my head and move forward and I absolutely believe in the power of prayer and I know some reading will lift her up to be a healthy sweet baby we get to meet in June!
Eh, I told you I didn’t want to write today but knew I needed to. And I don’t exactly want to end on a mini rant (ha) so, I’m going to end on our trip to Mexico. I mean, my blog has always been all over the place with my ADD writing….so why not finish strong here. 😊
We got to take a little family trip (minus my sister’s family) to Puerto Vallarta. It was Zayden’s second time in Mexico and Ryken’s first! The 4 cousins had so much fun playing with each other, building sand castles, looking for crabs and shells, and just getting to hang out in the SUN somewhere. It was such a nice little break from every day world and we thankfully felt really good and safe about traveling and all stayed healthy while we were there. We had such an awesome view from our room that all of us were surprised to have and ate some delicious food and drinks. Zayden’s favorite thing to do was probably swim up to the bar and order a “Virgin Apina Coladas” Virgin Pina Colada if you couldn’t figure it out. And Ryken wasn’t real sure about the sand in her toes, but ended up enjoying building sand castles aka mounds of sand then stomping on them. Travelling to and from was a little different than it used to be, but managed and really enjoyed the trip! Thankful for our last out of the US trip before baby V comes! Here’s to more adventures with 3 babies.
108 injections, that’s how many shots I took this round of IVF. The other two rounds I had around 150-170 injections from start to finish each, not to mention the daily meds. This blows my mind, I actually thought it was more, but 108 injections this round was enough. Anyways, my last shot is today, and knowing it’s my last IVF shot ever is a little bittersweet. I mean, good riddance to the daily shots and the knots & bruises from them. It’ll be nice to maybe sleep in so I don’t have to do it at the same time every morning, and turn off our alarm reminders so we don’t forget. For the past 4.5 years, I’ve either been doing infertility treatments, pregnant or nursing and the two latter, of course, are not finished but this is the first step to the end of that life. And I’m not sure how to feel about it yet.
I am 12 weeks today. We are not “in the clear” as some would say. We never are really until we hear that sweet baby take their first breath. Statistically, when you reach your 2nd trimester, you’re less likely to miscarry. But as we and friends that have gone through this know, we never really know. And we can’t really “monitor” little one at this stage because I personally can’t feel kicking or movement. I don’t have a heart monitor to hook up and check all hours of day (and that’s good for me because that would cause more stress than not likely), but I just have to put my faith in knowing it’s not in my hands.
I know, even in 2021 there is still controversy about IVF. I’ve heard people say, if you’re infertile maybe you’re not meant to be with that person or maybe you’re not meant to have children. I’ve heard individuals call embryos “frozen souls” or assume we just toss whatever embryos we don’t use or we get to pick if we get to have a boy or a girl. I respect people’s views but I am 110% thankful for what we have the ability to do in these days. And to clarify, all of the above assumptions are exactly that, assumptions. My goal of this post is not to get into this, but more just to say what an incredible gift we can do these days. I’m so thankful God has allowed us to be this advanced in today’s world. Without IVF we would not have a Zayden Gray or a Ryken Spree or little Vinson on the way… And I cannot imagine not having these little sparks of joy and light in the world. ❤️
Although our IVF journey is coming to an end, our infertility journey does not, that’s something that sticks around forever. It’s not just the ability to not have another baby, it’s remembering and living through physically, emotionally and mentally painful losses. It comes and goes, I’ll go months without it popping into my mind and then our first miscarriage will come to mind and me freezing in the Dr office because I was so confused on why this would happen to US. Or the most recurring memory is in the ER with my last ectopic pregnancy. The Dr scoffed at me when I asked her for more time to respond to her question, when she wanted to just remove my tube like it was no big deal. And I quote her, “You don’t need your tubes to have a baby, you can find other routes.” I was so angry and frustrated someone would talk to a mourning person that just found out her surprise pregnancy was not viable much longer, not to mention I had bled a liter into my belly and I was in insane amount of pain. When there was no one in the room besides a nurse, I glared at Jason and said to go out into the hallway and yell until someone got into my room with pain meds or I was going home to die. The nurse heard me loud and clear and handled the situation. And right before surgery another nurse came in and asked if she could pray over me. Tears flowed as I said please then was rushed away. That whole memory still haunts me today. Some days I’ll fall into a funk after the memory pops up. That memory always seems to break me and I don’t really see that memory leaving my mind anytime soon (or ever). Or the memory of my first IVF shot – I was so nervous but it ended up not being as bad as I thought it would be and quickly started doing photos like this for my pure entertainment or when days Jason and I would get in a spat and I could say um, well at least I don’t do this to you. 😊 Ya got to find humor in it to make it through.
But the memories were not all bad, like the first time to make it to 10 weeks pregnant, or the day I actually looked pregnant vs just looking like I had gained a few extra pounds, ha or the first time meeting Zayden or Ryken and watching Jason hold them. I couldn’t be more grateful for each and every memory. Good and bad, it shaped me as a person, molded us as a couple, and truly made me a better mom.
So I want to end this “Fairwell IVF” post with some tips for those struggling or those who know someone struggling with infertility. I know everyone is different and this won’t apply to everyone, these are just from my personal experience. SUPPORT SYSTEM: I’m here for you, but if you need someone closer to you, talk about your experience. And thank the good Lord for opportunity you have. It’ll not only help you find some peace one way or another but it will help others as well. I’m not saying you HAVE to share your journey, I’ve just personally found it to be helpful in ours. But find your support system and reach out when you need that support, a night out, a night in, someone to just sit with you or to send you a coffee pick me up when you really need it. Specifically for the Support Systems, stay positive, be present and just know we don’t always know what we need. And please for the love, be positive. It is not helpful to say, maybe next time or just try again, or stop trying and it will happen or at least you have one. Although it may be with good intentions, just be present for them. They may want to talk, they may not but show up for them. OLD WIVES TALES: Eat pineapple (with the core) before your transfer. I’m not sure why it’s a thing but I did it. Keep your feet warm after transfer and drink warm drinks and stay away from ice cold drinks. Warm feet, warm drinks/food = warm uterus = warm, happy baby. INJECTIONS: Yes, they suck. Once you get used to it, the weight gain, headaches or bruises start to form, push through it. It is temporary. Tedious, but temporary. Slap the booty before your booty shots, some use ice or heat before – I just would slap the area before (when I remembered) and rubbed the area afterwards to avoid knots. Stomach shots are not as painful as the other, it’s just difficult to get through the first handful then will likely be much easier. Set the alarms so you can take them all at same time. Listen to your Dr and take it easy when they tell you. Your body is doing crazy, amazing things and it needs a little extra rest some days. MEDS: Again, set your alarm and take them at same time. And give yourself, your mind and your body grace. Your mood will change, you will likely gain some weight, and the hot flashes are extreme. Give yourself grace and ask your partner for grace. RETRIEVALS: Take it easy and pray for the best outcome. Hoping for all the embryos but remind yourself not all will make it. It definitely can happen but on average not all retrieved eggs become embryos. Our first time, we retrieved 18 eggs, 15 fertilized and only 2 made it. 2. It’s heartbreaking, I know and our 2 were so poor they wouldn’t rate them but Zayden was stronger than they thought. You only need one but hope for the best and be positive. FAILED IVF ATTEMPTS: This is not your fault. It’s hard to understand and I still will never understand when it happens but it does happen unfortunately. Give it some time to process and then revisit if you want to try again. You may say no, then change your mind or vice versa. There’s no right way to process this type of thing, so take the time to process. And know my heart hurts for you and no one can explain why this happened nor make you feel better. Take that time for yourself. I pray you are able to find what works and end up finding happiness with whatever outcome! PREGNANCY TESTS: I mean, I feel pretty strongly about these but do what makes you most comfortable. For me, I was advised not to take any and I didn’t. I have had false positives and false negatives – to me, it wasn’t worth the stress. LOSSES: Accept that some won’t get what you’re going through. They may think you’re too much or you’re not there for them enough. You may lose a friendship or two, feel lost or lonely but lean back into your support system. Ignore or address the negative comments, they’re not worth the energy unless you’re squashing it and moving on. Alot of off-putting comments with IVF and infertility come from lack of experience themselves. You have more important things to focus on! Be patient with yourself and your partner. God has this. He has you.
And with that, fairwell IVF, it’s not always been fun, but it’s been worth it. You will be missed in some weird, traumatic response way, ha but you also won’t be missed. We are grateful for the science that God has given us in today’s world. I’ll continue to write about our infertility & life journey but this is IVF finally signing off. 💉
I mean, what were we thinking? On chaotic days, I think this, but them quickly reminded I wouldn’t have the sweet hugs I get every day if I didn’t have the chaotic ones too!
Today, marks 9 weeks of a healthy heartbeat of one baby. We did lose the other twin, as we had thought after the last appointment but last week, we confirmed the twin had yet to grow for a couple of weeks and was no longer getting blood flow, however still present. So instead of “vanishing” like a vanishing twin should, still there for the moment. I’ve yet to process this fully, and I’m sure that will hit hard when the time comes, but we are thankful for the heartbeat we did get to see. I’m feeling pretty good, besides a little tired and some on and off sickness in the evenings, and so much lack of sleep I’m not sure how my body is surviving but it is happening. Zayden hopes this one is a girl and Ryken goes back and forth between baby boy and baby girl, but I just remind them we’re just hoping for another healthy baby just like them. We also have some names that the kids have come up with. Zayden is holding strong to Obi or Ryken (yes, he thinks it would be funny to name 2 kids Ryken). And Ryken just continues to say Baby, so poor kid will probably be nicknamed Baby for the rest of their life. They both also understand twin did go to heaven to hang out with Della.
19 months. Oh girl, Ryken is such a little wild child, but then is the sweetest all at the same time. She gives the best hugs. She whispers, sometimes yells “HUG” whenever she wants one and you’ll get about 15 in a matter of 30 seconds. She likes to do everything her Bub does and she is a wee bit demanding some days. We are still working on telling her that “RIGHT NOW” is not something you add to every sentence. Like “HUG RIGHT NOW” or “YOGURT RIGHT NOW PLEASE” is not how we talk lol, kind of cute, but I foresee this developing into more things as she gets older. Ha. Lord, help us. She adores her brother and her puppy Ollie, and most days she likes Charlie but only when he’s not trying to steal her food from her. If she could live outside and only eat popsicles, I’m pretty sure she would. And she still despises her hair being brushed. Yes, we’re one of those families that brushes their kids hair, no matter how strong the fight is in the child, but I’m not going to make her wear a bow or headband of pony because she just doesn’t want to this stage. Maybe one day she will change it up, for now she will be the brushed, straggly hair kiddo. 🙂 I can’t wait to see how her personality develops even more over the next few months.
4 years. I’m STILL in shock that we have a 4-year old. I’m not sure how that happened so quickly, and some days I don’t actually remember what life was like pre-Zayden, but I can tell you it is way better now. He is too smart. Remembers way more than I think he would, which makes it very difficult to get things past him. He loves to interrupt a friendly spouse spat with a “CAN YOU GUYS JUST GET ON THE SAME PAGE?” lol and he likes to make sure his sister follows the rules. He’s been put on phone duty. If someone accidentally leaves their phone out and sister goes for it, he knows to tell us right away so we don’t have any more accidental 911 calls. He also likes to make sure she doesn’t eat anything she’s not supposed to or share a cup that’s clearly his. Ha. He still loves his school and his favorite thing is playing with his friends and singing songs at school, to everyone, and everywhere. It’s my favorite thing he does at the moment. He’s really into playing board games and just recently, Jason introduced Mario Kart to him. I can confidently say that I can easily beat him in this game, but I’m sure that won’t last for long, but I will hold to my mom-win for the week! He’s such a fantastic big brother and he’s growing so fast, I can’t take it all in fast enough.
Continuing to be grateful for this chaotic journey. There’s your little update for the day from this family of 5. 🙂
Lots of emotions today, as I stepped out of the fertility clinic we’ve been going to for 5 years. So thankful to not have to make a 4 hour drive one way just to have access to my fertility doctor, but thankful for the ability and talent they have there and blessings God made through them. I have no idea where we would be without our sweet Zayden, Ryken and little Vinson(s).
Don’t let that last word throw you for a loop, it is still early and we had our first ultrasound today to see if pregnancy was viable. We did have two babies, but only got to see one heartbeat. Praise for one heartbeat and yet, my heart sunk in hopes for the other littles too. Realistically and cautiously, Baby A will probably vanish. It was a couple days smaller than the other but we also didn’t see that sweet flicker of a heartbeat. We knew what could happen putting in 2 embryos, we’ve put 2 embryos in every IVF cycle and never have made it with twins to this stage. So I walked out of that fertility clinic with a couple of tears in my eyes, but I walked to a happy car of 2 smiling toddlers and happy husband.
The doctor’s assistant (who was my favorite) in the office was the one to see me today, so it was only fitting to have a pretty good appointment and walk away from the clinic that put all my broken pieces together to help make these babies happen. Our journey isn’t over, but we can close that chapter in our lives today. Onto the next steps in our journey with our growing family! ❤️
Stay tuned for updates if you’d like, we plan to have another ultrasound in a few weeks. Thankful for the prayers and support over the years! It takes a village to raise children, it takes even more to support a couple going through infertility.
Today. Today is transfer day, to say I’m a little nervous is an understatement. Not for the service, but the outcome. I asked Jason yesterday, “Are you ready for another one or are you ready to find out we won’t have another one?” He replied he wasn’t ready for either outcome, and I feel that too. I asked Ryken and Zayden if they wanted another brother or sister. Ryken replied a quick No to both 😂 and Zayden said maybe another sissy that he could make Ryken but if not he’d just take some bubble gum so he can blow huge bubbles with. So clearly, we are all ready for however things turn out!
The biggest change this time around is doing everything on my own. Every single appointment has been by myself, besides the initial video call. So if we can all get through this pandemic so support systems can be by their significant others side, that’d be swell. I think in any potential life change situation, you know deep down you can do it by yourself, but it sure is nice having Jason there just to remind me that I can when I start to question my ability. Also, all of this to say, I’ve only been alone physically, of course, My God is always here and I have a good support system that checks in on our journey, pray for me and I know several would jump at opportunity to help. So we are so appreciative to that! ❤️
So today is transfer day…our journey is to be continued soon, one way or another.
Now to Zayden & Ryken updates. Ryken really has that innocent, sweet smile, quiet voice (when she wants) and gives the best hugs hands down, and she will not hesitate to raise hell when she feels like it. 😂 She is our stunt-woman and I fear she will be a spitting image of her mama and spend countless summer days in the hospital with stitches, but we shall see. Maybe she will surprise us, but as I watched her climb to top of playhouse, turn around and fall off for the biggest trust fall I have ever witnessed, I don’t think she will. Lol. Little Miss loves to copy Zayden and thinks “right now” should be added to every sentence – something we rarely even say, but she has incorporated it into her vocabulary. And we always correct it with a how about a please, to which she replies, “Please, right now!” Someone come get this kid 😂😂 In all seriousness she’s so funny to watch her learn from Zayden. I wish I would have written more of her milestones down, but I have decided I’d rather spend that time I could be writing them down or blogging, just embracing these new things she’s learning. It. Is. My. Favorite to watch her and Z interact and play together, something they haven’t done by themselves yet til recently. Ryken would probably do anything Zayden asked, but thankfully, I don’t think he has figured that out yet.
Zayden, my sweet boy is loving school and making friends which makes me so happy. It’s so sweet to witness your child form friendships and watch those friendships grow. His bff is still his cousin Liam, and he talked about another friend at school, he would tell me what they’d play, what he likes, etc at school. To my surprise, no one in his class goes by this name so I assume he has an imaginary friend or he’s gotten confused on kids name 😂 We recently found out his bff isn’t even in his class, but across the hall and they meet and play at recess. This makes me smile and maybe means nothing to those reading but it’s such a cute thing to see as your he gets older. Speaking of – he turns 4 in less than a month and my mind cannot grasp this thought! How did my little cuddler, silly boy already become 4??
I’m going to end this quickly as I sit in waiting room of my transfer appointment and I want to sit and not think for a few minutes before taken back. Appreciate the love and prayers on our next steps to this journey!
Sweet, happy girl turned 4 months yesterday and I’m clueless how that happened so quickly. How is it possible?
Ryken is as happy as can be (besides the teething) most days. She is just now starting to roll over and holds her head up so well. Not one day has passed that she isn’t happy! ❤️ Her personality is starting to come out and she’s a little combination of sweet, ornery and sass. She’s been sleeping like a champ until recently but no complaints – we’ll sleep someday 😂
Zayden still isn’t 110% sure about sissy but he’s warming up to her. He’s very excited about when she’s big enough to play with him! Some fun things about Zayden:
Continuing to love to learn, swim and be his curious little self. He knows more random facts about things that I can keep track up (most of these “facts” he tells me are spot on but occasionally he gets his info mixed up. One of the more questionable facts is turtles can jump up to 10x their length and they can jump 10 miles. 😂 Another cute thing he does, is wonders what color the car will be after we come out of the car wash. He’s always a little disappointed when my car comes out to be white after every wash lol.
Pandemic is still the pandemic, life is still limited, but we’ve adapted and are lucky enough to see all of our immediate family and enjoy the lake most weekends. Life is different but thankful for these two sweeties.
Where do I start? Every day I think about being pregnant and “quarantined” I think about how weird of a time it is to be pregnant. I mean, it’s a weird time for everyone right now but I’m going to just speak as a pregnant mama during this Covid19 world. Did you know some states aren’t allowing spouses or a support system to be in the same room during delivery? Did you know most or maybe all states by now are ONLY letting 1 spouse/support system in the room? Or that no visitors whatsoever are allowed in? No siblings, grandparents, friends or family are allowed to visit the baby in the hospital. It’s a change to keep us all safe, obviously, so I have no qualms about it, but it’s a little sad too. In addition, we are limiting grandparents or anyone in the house to no one, unless they’ve been self-quarantined for 14 days themselves.
Daily, I go through a range of emotions from worried, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, baffled, and the emotions go on and on. Of those emotions I experience regularly, very minimal times do my emotions reflect excited, happy, upbeat, and peaceful. Blessed, absolutely, I feel that every single day. However, this current environment is stripping my excitement and peace as each day goes by. We’ve gone through what we believe is every possible scenario of how this delivery could play out that we can think of. I know we don’t know what’s to come but we can attempt to be as prepared as possible.
Scenario 1: We have baby girl easily and without a hitch! Jason is in the room, baby and mom are healthy and get sent home quickly. Zayden is taken care of by my sis while we’re gone. This is the scenario we are praying for!
Scenario 2: Jason isn’t allowed in the hospital room and misses the birth of his 2nd child. I labor/deliver on my own. Jason takes care of Zayden, mom and baby girl are healthy and released home quickly.
Scenario 3: One of us tests positive for Covid-19. We are isolated from baby until she tests negative/positive. If negative, we isolate positive person at home, while the negative person(s) isolate elsewhere.
Scenario 4: Z gets sick & tests positive, none of the rest of us do. We quarantine baby sis and me elsewhere while Jason quarantines with Z at home.
Scenario 5: All of us get it besides baby sis. My mom and sister will hopefully be healthy and take turns caring for sis til we are allowed to see her. This is the scenario I am fearing the most. Not that my mom and sister aren’t fully capable of loving and handling baby sis on their own, but it’s more germs to be exposed to and to be forced away from your newborn child is a very unnerving thought.
Scenario 6: We all get sick and test positive for Covid-19 and we all quarantined at home. Honestly, if we are all healthy enough to not have huge issues with the virus, I would prefer this over isolating any of us from another. So I guess surprisingly this is the most ideal scenario after 1 & 2.
Scenario 7: Our hospitals become overwhelmed and I’ll not be able to birth in hospital. Let’s not even go into this one because it’s so far out of my head at the moment. A possibility, yes, but not something I want to think about at the moment.
Scenario 8: We have labor & delivery complications with me or baby sis. I’m not allowing myself to go down this road mentally, so we’ll leave it at that.
I truly despise that my mind even goes to any of this….but in this world, we have to go through these scenarios and create plans and back up plans. We simply do not know what to expect and it’s way beyond what we had to think about last time around. With Zayden, the only thing we planned for is making sure our dogs were taken care of while we were in the hospital. I’m sure some may think this is all extreme, honestly I don’t care what they may think, because we’re just doing what’s best for our kiddos and until you’re in this situation then I don’t know you’ve fully grasp it.
These scenarios continue to weigh heavily on me day and night. Being isolated from Zayden or baby sis will be one of the toughest things we’ve ever had to do, and let’ me remind you we went through 6+ years of infertility, multiple surgeries, miscarriages after miscarriages and IVF twice, so that’s kind of saying something lol To be isolated from either of them is what scares us the most..
To end this, I’ll give you a little update on where we are baby wise. Baby sis still doesn’t have a name yet, but we are considering Zayden’s latest suggestion of Princess Sissy. She seems to be doing good with a healthy heartbeat and moving a ton still. Dilated to a 3 (whoa – we never got this far with Zayden without being induced), and we have an induction date scheduled for 04/06 unless she comes before. 🙂 Finding this out earlier today brought tears to my eyes because it makes this all just a little more real.
Here’s to this new norm that we’re adjusting to and hopefully just a little more than a week before little sis arrives! And while we wait, we continue to soak up every minute possible with Zayden. Jason has been thankfully capturing photos every single day and sharing them on our facebook in case you want a cute little pick me up. 🙂
Praying for all those expecting mamas out there that are experiencing the ups and downs of their pregnancies. Hoping for peace and safe & healthy deliveries!
I feel a little guilty, which is exactly what most of this pregnancy has felt like. From what I hear, that’s just what mom life is all about, trying to find balance and dealing with the guilt that comes with unbalanced lifestyle. You’re either too tired to play with your very excited toddler or you’re busy trying to do things and can’t take a second to just breathe for yourself. It’s a continuous battle with yourself, but I’d rather do this battle every day than what we were doing for 6+ years prior to having Z. Here’s how life has been going so far!
I’m 30 weeks. Baby girl is measuring on time, appears to be healthy and has a good healthy heart rate, so we are praying she continues to. She’s ACTIVE. I’m talking about the good Lord has combined my energy (pre-pregnancy) and Jason’s ridiculousness and created this little being that kicks and punches all day and all night long. Zayden was a very chill little boy in the womb and she’s the opposite. Ha, as I typed this I got a good jab, as if she knows I’m talking about her. Thankful for those little (and big) jabs every day though.
Zayden is finally over the thought of us having a baby shark vs an actual baby. He also gives baby sissy kisses almost daily but REFUSES to feel her kick. When I try to pull my shirt up over the belly and show him kicks, he covers my belly back up and says, “No Mama.” Maybe he’s not quite ready for sissy to get here yet. Speaking of “Sissy” we have yet to decide on a name. Feel free to give your input with the ones we have picked out or new suggestions! 🙂 So far, we’ve narrowed it down to Ryken, Becklee, Becklenn or Brexton and we have a middle name of Spree already picked out (thanks Aunt B for sharing your middle name with us). Ryken is Zayden’s favorite or he’s open to the name “Sissy Beck” but that’s about as much as he’s willing to compromise on the name, so we shall see! Like I said, feel free to throw your suggestions out there as we’re just not sold on anything yet.
As far as our little Zman – he’s still as awesome as he’s ever been. He’s a little smarty pants for sure. Since he’s mastered his ABCs awhile ago, he now likes to just say them as fast as possible before someone chimes in and if we interrupt him, he likes to start all over. He also can count to 50, which Jason is not the happiest about as he does push ups with Zayden and when Zayden decided one day to go over 30, Jason just wasn’t fully prepared to keep doing the pushups lol. I fully plan to get him to 100 by age 3, but we have plenty of time for this.
*Puzzles & Books he still loves. That kid can seriously race us with puzzles and likely win every time.
*PJ Masks (Catboy, Owlet, and Gecko), Ninja Turtles, Spiderman & most recently Daniel the Tiger are some of his favorite shows to watch. And I’m going to be honest, I don’t even have any shows anymore because when we are watching shows, it’s usually something he enjoys.
*He still loves Wall-E, Frozen and Polar Express movies.
Jumping, running, crashing, building, running, jumping and hide & seek are some of his favorite things to do.
*He has moved from calling me Mom-Mom to Mommy and occasionally when he’s trying to be funny, he calls us Mom & Dad. It’s too grown up for me to take seriously.
*Lima (aka Liam, his cousin) is his bff. We recently went on vacation with them for a week and he started calling him Lima which likely will stick with him for life and he now asks to hang out with him every day. 🙂 Love that sweet cousin love.
*Speaking of vacation, we’ve added Bahamas to his list of places he’s visited and knocked off another stamp on his passport, making that 2 out of the country travels in 2 years!
*He’s really interested in this Kid Bible app on my phone – I only let him play on it once a day for 2 Bible stories and I honestly thought he wasn’t retaining any of the stories at all, but after you listen to the stories so many times, he surprisingly knows them and that just warms my heart to know he’s willing to listen and take those stories in. His favorites at the moment are Daniel in the Lion’s Den, Samson, Noah’s Ark (aka the “rainbone” story) and the house being built on the rock vs the sand. I’m pretty sure the last story he only likes because he likes that the wave crashes and destroys the house on the sand – ha, but it’s pretty great to watch him listen to those!
*His daddy is starting to win the favorite award every day. He used to be all mommy, but mom’s a bit more tired than normal and can’t put him on my back all the time, so dad’s been winning the favorite award more than I have recently.
*Zayden got a big boy bed, that he seems to be loving. I do sleep in it half the time with him, but it’s much more room than sharing King bed with Jason, baby girl and Charlie lol. So we will get what we can take.
*His favorite pup has changed from Della to Ollie, because Ollie actually likes to play with him and Della is just not as fast as she used to be.
*Water guns & Rawrs (aka dinosaurs) in the bathtubs are still our go to every bath.
*Food is still a toss up. He loves things one day and doesn’t the next – this is a constant struggle, but we’re rolling with it. I’ve attempted every tip, but I just have to remind myself it’s a phase and this too shall pass.
*He still loves to cook with his mommy, especially if it’s something he can taste as we go. He loves to ask me, “Momma, I like it?” lick his lips then looks at me like can I try it yet. Brownies, muffins, and waffles have been some of our favorites to make..or anything that he can mix basically.
*We have nightmares and I think that’s something that we just will be dealing with for awhile. He wakes up at least once a night scared of something that he’ll try to tell me about – it usually has something to do with a toy or someone he knows but never can get a full story from him before I get him to calm down and fall back asleep. We have active imaginations in our family, so I can only imagine it’ll stick around for awhile.
We are loving every minute we can soak in with little man. He’s really pretty chill and calm mostly, but has his moments but they are pretty few and far between and usually because he’s hangry or tired. Yet, I take these moments over anything we’ve had pre-Zayden. Life is different, much different but so so good. We are going to embrace all we can in the next 10 weeks before sissy gets here. Thankful for prayers for healthy babies and thankful for this place we are in life.
Leaving with you with a few favorites from vacation:
My little man, I don’t know how time has gone so quickly and you turned two today. I write this as you sleep on my left arm, as you do every night. Yup, that’s right we break all the rules in this house apparently and he’s sleeping in our bed. Welcome to the world of two at the Vinsons. I remember telling myself we wouldn’t do that as parents and now I laugh bc it’s literally one of the highlights of us parenting is having your child roll over, hold you close and say, “Oh Momma” and slowly fall asleep. I want to remember these moments & phrases before they fade away, so I’ve compiled a list of my fave things Z says.
Oney = eleven
Sesen = seven (it’s cuter when he says it)
Mom Mom = instead of Momma or Mommie
Owwie = Ollie
Deaa = Della
Char-No = Charlie 😂 because I think he rarely says Charlie’s name without yelling no, generally bc he’s usually trying to steal his food.
Ohpp – like opp, oops and whoops all combined.
Oh Momma & Oh Dadda = cuddles
Fly bite = any type of scratch or bug bite, and he’s a little dramatic about those. A mosquito bite from 6 months ago he still talks about.
ABCDEs = letters
1,2,3,10 = numbers
Oof = orange
Rrrrrr (with a growl, and occassionally followed by ‘for Rachel’) = R
Brrrrue = blue (apparently, your quarter Hispanic blood allows you to roll those rs way better than me!
Tapzoy = trapzoid (but you like to say it in a rough, scary voice)
Q = qune
Cak = cake
Foot shnacks = fruit snacks
Snow = but said through your wrinkled up nose like you smell as you say it. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s my favorite ,😂
Rayannah & Hayden (which are two different people but always together) = Rain-ya
Dis = what’s this, which I hear all day long, even when he knows what “dis” is.
When we pray at night I always ask what God is doing and you say, “wating” which means watching over us!
You have some favorite things yourself, like your lizard toy named Lizard & your white stuffed dog named White Dog. 🤷♀️ We are working on your lack of creativity at the moment lol. Your mom & dad are still your favorites but your best friend Hayden & sitter Rayannah are coming in close!
You still want to eat mac-n-cheese or fruit snacks for every meal🙄 and oranges, blueberries, eggs, yogurt & waffles you’ll get by with. Still refusing alot if foods but will keep trying!
You know your letters, numbers to 20, all the shapes, and currently learning opposites which has been hysterical.
Your bike, playset & bouncy house are probably your favorite things to do, and throwing the ball to Charlie.
We’ve experienced so many firsts together in the past two years…
Travel to New York & Hawaii, somewhere none of us have gone until you came along!
2 different hospital stays & 1 surgery, which is not something Jason or myself are unfamiliar with, but it was a first having a child go through this. Croup & tonsillectomy were a terrible experience for us but thankfully the good Lord kept watch over the Drs and strong little man was better after a couple of weeks each time.
Trick-or-Treating was new to us this year as last time it was wet & cold and I definitely wasn’t letting you ear candy last year😂 anyways, last night was so fun. – you were so polite whispering trick or treat and thank you and would only take one piece of candy every time. It made me so happy to watch you do that and run from the house with excitement. I hate to tell you – it’s not likely you’re getting many pieces of that candy as I passed out most of it lol but I saved a handful for you. Because, I mean, sugar. 😬😂 I am a bit concerned you now think it’s acceptable to wander up to houses & trick or treat any random day but you’ll learn.
We got to experience seeing baby sissy (yes, I said sissy) on an ultrasound this week, something we’ve never been able to say in all the years of infertility and you were right there to see her kicking with us. I don’t know if you’re thrilled or not but you will be, because you are already the best big brother.
Here’s to many more firsts, adventures and so many hugs & kisses with us. We love you little man and so proud of who you are! ❤️
Momhood or lack there of 