Tag: ivf baby

Never give up that glimpse of hope.

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“Happy Implantation Day!” a sweet friend text me this week. I thought to myself, wait is that my implantation day in 2017, did I forget about it, was I blocking that day and it’s chaos? Her question encouraged me to look back on that day and remind myself what I was feeling. So I did. I didn’t read it all the way through because I had errands to run and it was sad and my emotions were coming back to me and I just couldn’t right then.

The day continues and our sick little guy ended up not sleeping basically from 1:30-4 this morning. He can’t sleep unless I’m holding him, I can’t sleep unless I’m not holding him. So there we are, me holding him and wishing I was just getting some sleep. I found myself a little irritated and finally I just said, “Hey God.. I am thankful for a crying baby. I am grateful for my lack of sleep because it means we have him. So thank you.”

I was the reminded about the implantation day text so early this morning, I went back through my blog and found 2 posts from 02/15/17. Implantation Day. Countless shots, medications, and lots of tears and we finally reached this day. It was nerve-wracking to say the least. I’ve posted the 2 blogs from that day below for you to read if interested but my emotions were all over the place and my summary is below:

02/15/17 – Before the Call

02/15/17 – After the Call

  • Nervous as all get out. We had 13 embryo.
  • Receive a call first thing on implantation day and all embryos are poor quality and they weren’t sure any of them would make it. My faith, patience, emotions were shattered.
  • Wait. Wait. Wait a few hours to see if we can even implant any.
  • Receive another call to come in and we will transfer the best 2 if we wanted to but basically don’t give your hopes up because they have such a poor rating they can’t rate them.
  • My faith still shattered, but I prayed.
  • Go in to the Dr. and we put in the best 2. It was so difficult to not cry but I sucked it up and held it in. Made it through the appointment and literally did nothing for the rest of the day. I was upset and defeated but I knew I needed to trust God.

It was a rollercoaster of emotions, my faith was shattered more than a couple of times, my frustration had overcome me more times than I can count, but on the other side we have one sweet, amazing, strong, a little crazy, cuddliest, orneriest toddler that you can imagine. So I will continue to love those sleepless nights and I will watch all the episodes of Curious George for the 18th time (literally what we are watching right now, I guess it’s better than Baby Shark -I even whispered Baby Shark in my head, just in case he has telepathy, in fear he will want to watch and dance to it again) 😂 🤞

Our chances of a successful pregnancy per history was a big fat 0. Maybe the Dr. chances were slightly higher but I knew in my heart that after losing 5 babies and ending up with losing both of my tubes, that our chances were next to nothing but God knew something I didn’t. He had a bigger plan. And I’m so thankful we didn’t give up hope and we trusted Him. To anyone going through infertility, I pray for you and I hope your faith isn’t shattered and I hope you never give up. Sending love to all of you today on our Implantation Day! ❤️

Written by Chasnie & Zayden 😊

Living with a 1-Year Old

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Life has been crazy keeping up with a 1-year old! I still can’t believe he has grown so much and developed are sweet and ORNERY personality! Everyone that hangs out with Z talks about how sweet he is, what they don’t always get to witness is the crazy side of him. I mean, as I am typing this he has accidentally given me a black eye from “fake falling” on my face. lol

It’s been a little exhausting keeping up lately. Teething has taken over our nights and early mornings which has led to minimal sleep again, but that will pass soon (or so I hope)😴

Some new things little man has been doing this month is running around nonstop, being more interactive most of the time vs not, picking up his messes but making them more than not, and being extra affectionate which I will take a sloppy kiss from that sweet boy any day! ♥️. He has also said a few more words so we wanted to write them down to remember them! Of course the norm, like mom and dad and bubba (whoever that is):

Bubbles

Butt bomb (haha, is that a bad word?)

Della

Water

Baseball

Bath

Della (apparently she’s his favorite)

Backpack

Jesus – thank you to some kids songs the says this with conviction!

Yes

Baby

Woah

And a few others I can’t seem to think of…

Keeping up with a 1-year old brings a whole different level of love, happiness, patience, joy…all of which we just are reminded daily that he is worth every second. Thank you God for giving us such a sweet, ornery boy in our lives.

1 Year Old | Zayden Gray | My Superman

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Over a year ago, we sat in a hospital room talking to our doctor about how we only had 2 embryos that have survived and they were so poor they couldn’t even rate them. They asked us if we wanted to proceed forward and try anyways… With no real hope, we prayed over those 2 embryos every day and today we have a healthy 1-year old. Cue the tears 😭.

What a superhero, little miracle, blessing from God you are Zayden Gray. We have spent 365 days with you in our arms or chasing you around. You have kept us on our toes each and every day as we figure out this whole parenting thing!

We have gone through so many firsts with you, firsts that I normally wouldn’t think twice about but we have cherished every single one. I can’t wait to see how the rest of our future goes together! ♥️

A few things you’ve learned this month:

Learned how to climb a ladder

Being more affectionate, especially with the puppies. They love Z’s hugs & kisses

Say a few new random words (backpack, phone, baseball)

Going up & down stairs 😬 which happens to be your new fave game.

Causing destruction

More teeth – molars this time!

Being a little daredevil 😬😬

Using utensils

And the best part …starting to look like your mama! ♥️

Your first year in pictures:

11 Months | Zayden Gray

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I just can’t….you are growing up way too fast little man! Today you are 11 months and we will be celebrating your first birthday before we know it!

We started this month off in California but stayed close to home for the rest of the month, besides a quick trip to hang with your cousin John while we did a shoot in Kansas City. God was looking out for our schedule this month because we spent most of it passing a little sickness around. Luckily, you managed to break away from it after a couple of days.

This month you’ve really been trying to master your walk. You choose to walk most places, unless you need to get there fast and you stick with your power crawl 😂. Some other things new you’ve been doing this month:

*Kick and throw balls

*Say “mmmmmm” when you really love your food, but you close your eyes and say it, which makes it even cuter.

*Says, “I love you” or it sounds really close!

*You can find your ears, nose, toes and private parts but I’m pretty sure all boys don’t have an issue finding them.

*You still only recognize dogs, cows and birds as animals, apparently they are your favorite.

*We made our first trip to the Amazeum which was fun overload for you!

*We did our first painting, and I must say you’re quite the artist! 😊

*Ollie and Della are your favorite puppies this month but you really want Charlie to be your best friend. Maybe one day…

*You give hugs & kisses way more frequently and it just melts this Mama’s heart! You can never get enough of those, especially when they aren’t asked for but just random ones. ♥️

I can’t help but remember how long the process was to get you. We struggled for so long for you. You may not be our only little man but you are the only one we’ve gotten to hold, receive hugs and kisses from, and get to watch grow in front of our eyes. We are so thankful for you Zayden and cannot wait to see what tomorrow brings!

10 Months – What? How!

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Oh my word you are growing and growing you are not so little man! 10 months?! Let me say that again so it sinks in…10 months have flown by and I can’t believe in 2 months we will be holding a one-year old!

Some changes have happened over the past month, but you became boss man to me, which means mama won’t be home as late as she normally is! Other changes you’ve been going through are:

  • A couple of steps here and there, but not full on walking yet. I assume that’ll happen when we forget you can actually walk! 😂
  • Peek-a-boo & chasing mom/dad are still your jam.
  • Ollie has become your favorite pup.
  • 1 1/2 new teeth have been added to your collection.
  • Your athletic ability is really coming out – stacking things, throwing balls (or throwing anything for that matter), and crawling through tunnels.
  • We are officially on watch for an attempted escapist. Once, you pushed the kitchen chair all the way to the door just to attempt to unlock the door. Not thrilled about this new trick, but pretty cute!
  • Your booty dance is on point. 😂
  • We took your 12th flight and traveled all the way to San Francisco to see the Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, Muir Woods, Big Sur, first zoo and aquarium and subway ride. And I can’t forget to mention meeting with friends you’ve never had a chance to meet til this month! We actually got to celebrate your 10 month with ice cream and hanging out with the Joneses!
  • You’re starting to become more cuddly and wanting to lay down with us without us trying to force a nap. This is a moment we don’t want to forget. All these are moments we don’t want to forget!

Zayden, you are such a blessing to everyone you meet and I cannot imagine life without you! I can’t wait to see what the next month brings us!

9 Months

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Hey little man, slowwww down! Zayden continues to make us smile each and every day! Recently, I went back and re-read the beginning of our blog, the beginning of our story and it just reminded me how much of a blessing he is!

Some new changes:

Standing up! This one is huge, he actually stands up when he’s distracted and will stand for awhile, but once he figures out he’s standing he falls to the ground like he isn’t ready just yet, but will be walking soon!

Sleep is our friend! Naps and bedtime have been fully embraced by you…so until next regression that is bound to come, we will enjoy our sleep with you!

We had to move your bed down a notch because you are master escape artist already and we didn’t want to give you more of an opportunity to escape. I’m not kidding – you have figured out how to open doors and drawers, and this morning you figured out how to climb on me to open outside door. So momma will be installing more complicated locks soon!

You love to dance, with us and on your own.

You’re a peek-a-boo champion. You’re so good, you even like to play peek-a-boo with yourself! 😂

Bottom lip manipulator – gosh, when did you get so good at this??

Speaking of that bottom lip, you’ve finally figured out what “No” means and you use your bottom lip appropriately. It works most of the time but I’m not going to tell you that.

Climbing stairs is your new hobby! Of course baby gates have been installed, but if we are with you we will let you master those stairs more.

Getting down (and on) the couch, bed, basically anything taller than you, you’re figuring out how to get on and off (feet first)

You are waking up on your own and patiently waiting (for the most part) for us to get you! And the sweet hugs first thing in the morning are my new favorite thing.

You traveled 8 hours in a car to KC to see your friends, Harlow & Kylie. This was a huge achievement because you have your carseat so much but you survived and we survived. And you loved playing with your friends!

Throwing a ball or anything that resembles a ball. Your aim is a wee bit off, but you’re loving playing fetch and tossing ball back and forth (especially with your cousins – they make things so much more fun!)

The dogs are still your best friends and they love you more every single day, it could be the food you throw at them on the daily, but you never know! 😂

You love your walker! On of your favorite games is running after us screaming as you try to catch us. I’m sure we look like a bunch of maniacs but it is sure fun bub!

Babble, babble, babble. I don’t know what you’re saying 99.9% of the time but you are confident in your speech! Ha.

Currently you are a little clingy to me but I’m enjoying every single moment. I know this time will pass and I’ll have to share more of your hugs with others, but until then I’ll just enjoy this time.

Kisses & Goodbyes – we’ve been working on kisses and goodbyes for a month or so and you’re a bit stingy with both!

You continue to be such a sweet, calm (mostly), chill little man and we really couldn’t have gotten any luckier! You truly a miracle we will never forget that. We love you bub ..keep being your ornery, playful little self! ❤️