Tag: IVF

16 months vs 44 months

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HOW? How is it possible that Ryken is turning 16 months? She’s getting so old I had to count out the months to figure out how old she is turning. I generally stop keeping track of “months” around 1.5 years old, but I thought it was interesting to show their differences and how old they are.

These two littles are so similar but SO different when comparing what they were like at the same age. Zayden (at Ryken’s age now) was so chill, quiet, content most of the time and a little ornery but not much! Now, with the other littles, cue the Led Zeppelin music “a-ah-ahh-ah,” and enter Ryken as she makes herself known with the orneriest smile you could ask for. Don’t get me wrong, she is also the sweetest and for the most part very happy little girl, but there is nothing that is going to stop or scare her. She’s a force to be reckoned with and I am so proud of her stubbornness she’s gotten from her mama. lol Maybe this is her personality, maybe she’s picked up on Zayden’s personality and takes it as the norm. You see, my chill little man has also stepped into this world of 3s where emotions some days are higher than others, and it’s hard to figure those out. He also, knows what he wants and will either attempt to convince you he should have it or negotiate his way to get he “needs.” You may think I’m complaining, but trust me I’m not. In this world, I want these two babies to be strong-willed, know what they want, but also be God-fearing individuals, respectful and courtesy of others. And I think we’re on the right track…it may be exhausting some days, but it. is. worth. it. IT IS WORTH IT.

The fun things….
Ryken says everything….she’s talking up a storm (when she’s not being reserved around others) and she repeats whatever you tell her. There is good and bad to this ha, but she takes after her brother and speaks very well for her age. She’s loudest when you’re laying in bed trying to sleep or pretend sleep to get her to nap. MOMMA. MOMMA. MOMMA – as I lay 2 cm from her, and do my best to pretend to be asleep as she yells my name. Some days this will work, other days, cue the Led Zeppelin music, as she stands up, looks down on me and slaps her foot on my face to wake me up.

She’s also a daredevil. But when she knows she’s doing something a little questionable, she at least looks at you and smiles. Not just your every day sweet smile, but the smile that says – “Hey you need to watch what I’m doing here, and be prepared to catch me…mmmk?” Yes, one of those smiles. I about laugh and have a heart attack every time.

Ryken & Zayden both are pretty picky eaters. With Zayden, he ate everything under the sun when he was little and now eats minimal things, where I’m hiding vegetables in smoothies and other forms (along with attempting the veggies every day on his plate, but let’s get real that little bugger knows and the battle of cleaning your plate is not one that I choose to go down). Ryken on the other hand, we didn’t necessarily give her everything under the sun. CLEARLY the having Zayden eat whatever we ate didn’t make him less picky, so we changed it up with Ryken and give her the basics and let her try things from our plates. ALL THIS to say, they’re both picky and one day I have hopes they’ll be little foodies like we are, but for now, cheese will probably be on most things we eat.

Zayden finished up his first “cool” aka school and is on summer break for a month before he goes into another “cool.” We haven’t fully decided what school he’s going into, but as a parent trying to find the balance of letting your 3.5 year live a fun-filled life of a child and not pushing them too quickly into this routine-filled school life. Don’t get me wrong, Zayden thrives in it, learns so much in school but how do you decide what’s too much for a child, when you know the real life isn’t always fun and you want them to enjoy their time so much right now. Anyways, that’s something Jason and I go back and forth on, what place is the right fit for him, what is too much mentally or physically or socially, and are we overthinking it? Ha. Either way, he will start something in the next month. Something he has to be potty-trained for – you’re welcome to send your potty-training tips, but pretty sure it boils down to it’s something he can do, he wants to do occasionally, but he just doesn’t want to. I’ve explained to him recently, that pottying is just taking out the trash (as a good friend told me) and I also have told him, he has a new job. Once these set of diapers run out, he’s been promoted to have a new job, and that’s going the bathroom on his own, when he wants, and he can decide what time of day that will be, so I’m leaving it on his shoulders to make the decisions. If it’s his idea, it’s likely to work more than if it’s someone else’s idea telling him to do it. Cross your fingers, say a prayer, we’d much rather go this route then forcing the potty training thing before end of next month.

Zayden continues to just eat up learning things. His teacher said, this is the age they are little sponges, and he tells me things I have to google because I first don’t know where he heard it but second have to see if he’s right and most of the time he is.

SLEEP – Zayden pretty much sleeps through the night, which I haven’t said in awhile. He does sleep with us 99% of the nights, the occassional 1% is just flukes here and there. I don’t mind it, Jason doesn’t mind it, Ryken loves it..it works for us. Ryken is currently being weaned and does pretty good sleeping through the night with the random nursing session, but she’s a bit of a bed hog. She also kind of seems to enjoy her space, so she will sleep in her bed more often than Zayden will. Now that she’s being weaned, I think it’s likely she will even more.

Speaking of weaning, prayers for this mama. Nursing takes a toll on your body, mind, emotions, etc, etc, etc I read yesterday, “The amount of energy it takes your body to produce enough breast milk for your baby for one day is the equivalent of walking 7 miles.” @moomysmilk – So theoretically, I’ve walked in comparison to over 3,000 miles in the past 16 months, but the body doesn’t always reflect that as a workout. It’s a full time job and when you have other full time jobs, it is exhausting and takes it’s toll. And I’ll be the first to tell you I’m not really ready to wean, but I think she is. She thinks she isn’t because it’s a comfort, but she also isn’t efficient like she used to be and only nurses to comfort. So, she’s ready – but this sweet girl and this mama heart need some extra love during the weekend so we can fully wean. We would likely nurse more, but we have other plans that we can share later on and it requires me to end this nursing journey.

Some things we experienced since my last post:
-Hand-foot-mouth – 1000/10 do not recommend
-Quick trip to Mississippi for a wedding, we found a fantastic sitter for the kids and were so happy they got to journey down with us. Making a couple of stops, one to see friend in TN and visit the zoo!
-Traveled to Arizona! Yay, this was our first flights for Ryken, first big trip since the pandemic, and first trip where mama was along most of the days while Jason was working! A little bit exhausting, a little bit of stress, and alot of fun. We miss adventuring outside of the state with Zayden and we feel for Ryken not getting to experience the things we could with Zayden, but this gave us a little taste and we can’t wait til next trip.
-Ryken got to play with her first sparklers (because apparently a 3 month old holding a sparkler is frowned upon). And Zayden got to shoot off his first ever firework – like an actual firework, which he liked and was a little nervous.
-Visit some friends in Kansas that I consider family. The kids got to spend the day with two of my favorite people in the world. They were a HUGE part of me growing up and growing in the church, and I may have been a little jealous I didn’t get to spend all the time with them too, but we had a wedding and I was so grateful Zayden and Ryken got to spend time with the Graves family this month!
-Celebrated Ryken’s 1st birthday! My heart can’t take it either and it’s already been 4 months since!
-Zayden fished for the first time and caught his first fish – WHO catches a fish the first time they go? He was in love and wanted his own fishing pole for next time.
-We camped for the 2nd time with our Community Group (so many kids I don’t recall how many but it was a blast)
-We laid to rest one of the sweetest men and the kids great-grandpa (they only great-grandpa they had the pleasure of meeting) But we know he’s in heaven hanging out with Aslan & Della.

Continuing to love every day with them, as tired as we may be and as much coffee as our bodies need. We wouldn’t change it! Til the next time….Jason did a 50 days of Spring project if you’re interested in some more photos from this year!


**School, potty-training, sleeping, nursing vs formula are different for every child, I firmly believe parents choose what’s best for them, and the paths we’ve chosen with our kiddos is what works best for us, and honestly they’re different that we choose different paths for each of them based on how they react to things. So don’t take anything I say as we think we’re doing it better – ha, because we’re not. We’re winging it and we’re changing things up if it doesn’t work for us. They’re not this small forever, so we’re embracing these exhausting years.**

5-11 months

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I feel a little guilty. I haven’t posted about Ryken’s life as I did with Zayden and I have felt terrible about it so I keep putting off writing updates. So, here is my attempt to play catch up…

They say you follow all the rules with your 1st then your 2nd you are like, eh sure have a little sugar or go do that, that’s safe. And I always thought that was a crazy mindset, but it’s true. And for me personally, it has nothing to do with caring or being more careful with one vs the other, but after having 1 survive for 3 years, you realize not all the unsaid “rules” they give to parents are meant to be followed. Also, children are crazy and keeping up with 1 vs 2 there’s not a ton of time to follow ALL the “rules” or even take a minute to write a blog. So I’ve been doing my updating of little miss via pictures on our Facebook pretty regularly. I mean, I can’t NOT post photos of that smile!

5-11 months has been a lot of the same (pandemic-wise), limited places we go, no travel unfortunately, only ordering out vs eating out (that’s hard on these foodies, we love the restaurant experience and just hasn’t been the same ordering out) and seeing family, a few select people in more recent months, our neighbors, and enjoying time at home/hikes/etc. Then the snowpocalypse hit and kept us even more confined, as literally, getting out of the driveway was near impossible and probably comical for those that saw my attempts. We were even forced ha, I saw partially kidding, partially serious but we were forced to purchase a new bouncy house. Our last one was struggling to survive the wrestling matches of a 3 year old and a new bouncy house has already gotten so much playtime I don’t know what we did before it. Trust me parents, worth that purchase if you’re needing to burn some extra energy regularly.

Zayden is still keeping us on our toes on the regular. He is always talking, literally, even in his sleep he talks. He LOVES zombies, playing “indivisible” aka invisible and has no issues telling me when we don’t talk that way lol. “Shut it” and “stupid” and maybe another word or two have been learned and quickly added to the do not say list. He has no issue telling me that, “We don’t call that box stupid mommy,” after I struggled to put the box together and gave up lol. He started “Cool” aka school at our church and although he hated it at first because he would miss us, he seems to enjoy going now, just occasionally gets nervous and bored as he would say. “What’s nervous again? I get nervous because I’m going to miss you,” with a quiver in his voice and a little lip shake. Momma & Daddy hearts melt and hurt all at the same time with this. And he usually comes home very happy and tells us about his day (sometimes) and tells me if he has any “drips” aka tears come down during the day or not. The only time he’s had drips is at naptime when he missed me. Ha, melted and hurt heart all over again. He’s REALLY loving sister lately, he likes to have her watch him play games but doesn’t always want her to play. He likes to show her things and brush her hair and tell her what she can and can’t do. He’s my little helper most days! He still loves me more than I think anything haha and still sleeps in bed with us and still is in diapers – we’ll get there one day but for now we’re just embracing these little moments that won’t last forever.

Ryken is ON THE MOVE. She started crawling around 4-5 months and became a professional power crawler until 10.5-11 months and she decided to walk and hasn’t stopped since. She’s happy 99% of the time, ornery the rest of the time, with a smidge of fussiness here and there, but generally speaking she’s only fussy when she doesn’t get her way. She knows how to get what she wants, when she wants and talk about nervous, ha, that makes me nervous for the future but for now it’s pretty dang cute and I commend her for being a boss baby! 🙂 We’re trying to raise a young woman that commands respect, knows how to get what she wants, and knows her worth, and I think she’s doing pretty good about doing it so far. She LOVES to be outside. Rain, shine, snow, doesn’t matter to this girl, she wants to be outside and she wants to be on the go. I remember when Zayden was younger he liked being outside, but not like her. And she’s a straight up daredevil. I watch the things she does sometimes and I know in my heart that she’s too young, but I let her attempt and am always pretty impressed by her rebound or success in it. We always thought Zayden would be our little motorcycle rider, but starting to think Miss Ryken may do it before he does. Ha. Lord help us.

Ryken is loving most foods, prefers to do acrobatic nursing or drinking from a big cup, the bottles are hit or miss. She’s decided a pacifier is no longer her thing. She loves loves her brother and her daddy and Ollie is her favorite dog. She likes to pester Charlie, not in a mean way but in a – I’ll pet him when he’s sleeping because he will growl at me way lol. He’s a trooper but loves her just as much! Jason and Ryken have this sweet special bond that I guess I’ve never seen but Jason would compare it to Zayden and my bond. They even have a special handshake (kind of) 🙂 I’ll leave that for just them, but I want to note it because I don’t want to forget it. She also loves to mimic us, if she hears a word or sound – she’s going to try to mimic it the best she can. Today I said “better” randomly and she said “better.” Wait, what did you just say? She smiles and runs away! Other words she has said, Hi (to everyone by the way), bubba, daddy, momma, OLLIE (but only yelling Ollie’s name when she steals something from her ha), Charlie is an attempt but can’t quite get there, up and uh oh are said all day long. And then the random words she likes to repeat once and then act like she never said them, unfortunately I haven’t kept track of those but it’s safe to say she’ll be talking early like her brother.

She hasn’t traveled like her brother did when he was her age, but she has taken 1 trip to New Mexico and recently to St. Louis, MO. Last weekend, we took the kids and my brother’s family to the zoo, City Museum, and the aquarium and ran amuck in STL for just a little getaway. We were able to see some friends and family but it was a short and sweet break for us and for them. They need that change of scenery, and to enjoy the experiences that we all have been missing. We have our next trip to Arizona planned for next month, so fully looking forward to some flying with them again!

Sweet girl turns 1 in less than 2 weeks and I honestly don’t know where time has gone. 2020 was the slowest and fastest month. I’m glad we were able to be slightly sheltered from what others had struggled with in the city, but I also want to be realistic with them about what 2020 brought. Nothing like being born in a pandemic, but she has been such a light to us. Ryken Spree is exactly what 2020 needed and I’m so thankful we were able to have her during this weird, sad time.

We are looking forward to many more laughs and smiles together this year! Stay tuned. 🙂

4 Months | Ryken Spree

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Sweet, happy girl turned 4 months yesterday and I’m clueless how that happened so quickly.  How is it possible? 

Ryken is as happy as can be (besides the teething) most days.  She is just now starting to roll over and holds her head up so well.  Not one day has passed that she isn’t happy! ❤️ Her personality is starting to come out and she’s a little combination of sweet, ornery and sass.  She’s been sleeping like a champ until recently but no complaints – we’ll sleep someday 😂

Zayden still isn’t 110% sure about sissy but he’s warming up to her. He’s very excited about when she’s big enough to play with him! Some fun things about Zayden:

Continuing to love to learn, swim and be his curious little self. He knows more random facts about things that I can keep track up (most of these “facts” he tells me are spot on but occasionally he gets his info mixed up. One of the more questionable facts is turtles can jump up to 10x their length and they can jump 10 miles. 😂 Another cute thing he does, is wonders what color the car will be after we come out of the car wash. He’s always a little disappointed when my car comes out to be white after every wash lol.

Pandemic is still the pandemic, life is still limited, but we’ve adapted and are lucky enough to see all of our immediate family and enjoy the lake most weekends. Life is different but thankful for these two sweeties.

3 months & 32 months

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How did we get here?  Little Miss Ryken is 3 months old today and Zayden is over 2.5 years old (yes I had to count the months to figure it out bc I have up counting months awhile back!)

Ryken is smiling every day.  Cooing all the time, sitting in her lion chair, holding her head up really well and officially rolled over for the first time today!  She’s been pretty content just chilling and letting us move her until today.  She loves to swim in our little pool, riding in car rides is a breeze, and sleeping is her thing (thankfully)!

Zayden is still is curious, adventurous, smart little self. He still is a bit particular when it comes to the food he wants to eat. He traces his name and words really well, starting to color inside the lines, loves to create things and is a little obsessed with excavators and tractors. He takes all information we give him and can repeat it a month later – this kiddo surprises me every day. We’ve been working on reading and I wouldn’t be surprised if he could read some by the time he turns 3. He could step up his sports game a little, but he will get there if he wants eventually (currently, he thinks a basketball is a football and a baseball is a basketball). He loves his sis but still wants momma’s attention when I give her too much! 😂🤷 And he loves to swim in his pool & the lake, so much so we can’t get him out of the water most days. He even got to tube with his cousin and me and all he wanted to do was, “Go faster.”

Last month, we got to see zebras, Ryken met her great grandma Jackie, and finally got to see Ryken’s grandparents (Papa & Grammie Vinson). This meant travelling 11 hours by car to New Mexico during pandemic was interesting but we did it! They both actually did really well! ❤️🚗 We also got to shoot off huge fireworks thanks to the Qualls family; Ryken slept through most of them and Zayden loved them as long as he was wearing his headphones 😂

Life is still fairly quarantined with a little more outside life but staying at a safe and cautious distance! We are ready for things to be a little more normal but we’ve learned this may just be our new normal. Our children may never step in a store again or eat inside a restaurant for quite some time, maybe they will not blink an eye when they get to school age and have to wear masks all the time. Who knows, but we are loving life with them no matter what type of restrictions life gives us.

We are so grateful for our two cuties and praying to continue to stay healthy, happy and as rested as we can!

2 Months in THIS World

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Sweet girl, you are 2 months (yesterday) and you are full of smiles, despite the world chaos you have come into. Generally, my posts of you and Zayden are just about you and where you have traveled to and things you have done, but things are much bigger than just you or us.

You were born into a pandemic & now protests & riots everywhere. Let me explain so you know just how different this life is than what we expected you to come into. We have been isolated for quite some time until more recently. We didn’t have visitors, we didn’t see family or friends (and still haven’t seen most friends) and we haven’t been out in the world since you were born. Until recently, this week we traveled to see your Grandma & Grandpa Vinson. And while in isolation, we have done a handful of fun things like ride your first boat on the lake, your first pool time, traveling 11 hours in the car, and you & your brother’s first camping trip which you loved every single thing and smiled through it all! We have experienced quite a bit of happiness in our little bubble, and yet there is so much sadness here and in our world that my heart hurts you’ve come at this time. It hurts that we haven’t done better as a society. We shouldn’t be seeing the hate we are seeing now, things that should have never ever happened have. But I’m going to tell you about it because this is reality. We should be living in a world where hate shouldn’t be present, racism should be non-existent, rights for people of color should be just as equal to anyone else’s. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. You my sweet girl are privileged, there is no doubt about that. We are not judged by our skin color. It unfortunately happens in this world and has caused so many unruly deaths, and produced so much hate that I can’t even explain it fully to you. But I will try. We are already trying to teach your bubs and you about racism, and love and hate in this world. We are trying to teach you both about white privilege and will continue so hopefully you don’t have to live through the same things that we are witnessing. You and your brother are the future. You are the change.

Prior to your birth, we had covid19 hit the world and have been in a pandemic for awhile now. Businesses have been closed down, restrictions with what you can and cannot do, how many people can be together at a time, etc. For us, it fell at a time where we had to stay at home anyways and this just gave us more time with you and Z while weddings get postponed and the scheduled things we had opened up. The pandemic continues, little help was given to small businesses and people that have poured their lives into their business have to close down for good. Then people start to protest about opening back up, some states (like Arkansas) have opened back up with some restrictions and some have chosen to stay closed down. It’s a weird world as a small business owner. Next up, murder hornets – honestly, just Google this when you get old enough because if I try to even explain them, you’ll think I’m making it up from a movie or something. Then shortly thereafter, a terrible murder happens to George Floyd, a man that did not deserve to be treated like he was and he died a terrible death. The world hasn’t been the same since and it shouldn’t be. Protests began in every state. Then riots began. People are taking a stand. We are taking a stand. This was another person of color that died unjustly and we have to stand that this stops. You will be taught to treat others better. You will be taught to love. You will be taught not to hate. And you will be taught to stand up for things you believe in. Sweet girl, you and your brother be the change and we vow to pour into you so you don’t witness these same tragedies every single day.

I am sorry this book of our journey for you and your brother has turned into a world of chaos, but it’s apart of your life. We pray you never experience the unjust things that are happening in the world, not because you were born with a privilege or because you are living in a bubble, but because changed has happened.

Count down & the new norm

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Where do I start?  Every day I think about being pregnant and “quarantined” I think about how weird of a time it is to be pregnant. I mean, it’s a weird time for everyone right now but I’m going to just speak as a pregnant mama during this Covid19 world.  Did you know some states aren’t allowing spouses or a support system to be in the same room during delivery?  Did you know most or maybe all states by now are ONLY letting 1 spouse/support system in the room? Or that no visitors whatsoever are allowed in?  No siblings, grandparents, friends or family are allowed to visit the baby in the hospital. It’s a change to keep us all safe, obviously, so I have no qualms about it, but it’s a little sad too.  In addition, we are limiting grandparents or anyone in the house to no one, unless they’ve been self-quarantined for 14 days themselves.

Daily, I go through a range of emotions from worried, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, baffled, and the emotions go on and on.  Of those emotions I experience regularly, very minimal times do my emotions reflect excited, happy, upbeat, and peaceful. Blessed, absolutely, I feel that every single day.  However, this current environment is stripping my excitement and peace as each day goes by.  We’ve gone through what we believe is every possible scenario of how this delivery could play out that we can think of.  I know we don’t know what’s to come but we can attempt to be as prepared as possible.

Scenario 1: We have baby girl easily and without a hitch! Jason is in the room, baby and mom are healthy and get sent home quickly.  Zayden is taken care of by my sis while we’re gone.  This is the scenario we are praying for!

Scenario 2: Jason isn’t allowed in the hospital room and misses the birth of his 2nd child. I labor/deliver on my own.  Jason takes care of Zayden, mom and baby girl are healthy and released home quickly.

Scenario 3: One of  us tests positive for Covid-19.  We are isolated from baby until she tests negative/positive. If negative, we isolate positive person at home, while the negative person(s) isolate elsewhere.

Scenario 4: Z gets sick & tests positive, none of the rest of us do.  We quarantine baby sis and me elsewhere while Jason quarantines with Z at home.

Scenario 5: All of us get it besides baby sis.  My mom and sister will hopefully be healthy and take turns caring for sis til we are allowed to see her.  This is the scenario I am fearing the most.  Not that my mom and sister aren’t fully capable of loving and handling baby sis on their own, but it’s more germs to be exposed to and to be forced away from your newborn child is a very unnerving thought.

Scenario 6: We all get sick and test positive for Covid-19 and we all quarantined at home.  Honestly, if we are all healthy enough to not have huge issues with the virus, I would prefer this over isolating any of us from another.  So I guess surprisingly this is the most ideal scenario after 1 & 2.

Scenario 7: Our hospitals become overwhelmed and I’ll not be able to birth in hospital.  Let’s not even go into this one because it’s so far out of my head at the moment.  A possibility, yes, but not something I want to think about at the moment.

Scenario 8: We have labor & delivery complications with me or baby sis.  I’m not allowing myself to go down this road mentally, so we’ll leave it at that.

I truly despise that my mind even goes to any of this….but in this world, we have to go through these scenarios and create plans and back up plans.  We simply do not know what to expect and it’s way beyond what we had to think about last time around.  With Zayden, the only thing we planned for is making sure our dogs were taken care of while we were in the hospital.  I’m sure some may think this is all extreme, honestly I don’t care what they may think, because we’re just doing what’s best for our kiddos and until you’re in this situation then I don’t know you’ve fully grasp it.

These scenarios continue to weigh heavily on me day and night.  Being isolated from Zayden or baby sis will be one of the toughest things we’ve ever had to do, and let’ me remind you we went through 6+ years of infertility, multiple surgeries, miscarriages after miscarriages and IVF twice, so that’s kind of saying something lol  To be isolated from either of them is what scares us the most..

To end this, I’ll give you a little update on where we are baby wise.  Baby sis still doesn’t have a name yet, but we are considering Zayden’s latest suggestion of Princess Sissy. She seems to be doing good with a healthy heartbeat and moving a ton still.  Dilated to a 3 (whoa – we never got this far with Zayden without being induced), and we have an induction date scheduled for 04/06 unless she comes before.  🙂 Finding this out earlier today brought tears to my eyes because it makes this all just a little more real.

Here’s to this new norm that we’re adjusting to and hopefully just a little more than  a week before little sis arrives!  And while we wait, we continue to soak up every minute possible with Zayden.  Jason has been thankfully capturing photos every single day and sharing them on our facebook in case you want a cute little pick me up. 🙂

Praying for all those expecting mamas out there that are experiencing the ups and downs of their pregnancies.  Hoping for peace and safe & healthy deliveries!

8.5 Months in a Pandemic

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What a weird world we’re living in right now… Weird as in eery and questionable.  Being 37 weeks pregnant is interesting.  I generally am not a germaphobe. We wash our hands, hand sanitize regularly and try not to lick walls, but some of us in the family can’t always abide by these general common sense rules. Zayden finds it hard to work within these rules when he is playing pretend kitty cat. Anyways, when the CDC and my Dr. recommend isolating yourself and you find out you’ll be separated from baby girl if you get COVID-19, things start to hit the nerves a little more than I wanted.

I went in for 37 week check up this morning, greeted at the door to answer questions and have my temperature taken.  All precautions I appreciate being done to keep me as well as others safe, but my fear was slightly heightened after walking by the closed offices with health warning signs on the doors. Thankfully, my Dr office is taking every precaution and limiting the number of people in the office, delaying appointments that aren’t absolutely necessary and encouraging patients to come by themselves and not to mention getting people in and out as quickly as possible. That all said, I’m dilated to a 1, which doesn’t mean a ton to me because with Zayden I was dilated at a 1 for 3 weeks maybe?  Ha. Little sis is always extremely comfy and hasn’t dropped yet, so she may be content for a bit!  Likely, around end of 39 weeks we may induce, like we did with Zayden!

Although, it’s not how I envisioned the end of this pregnancy going.  I planned on nesting yes but being able to get last minute items for baby sis like most procrastinators like myself need time for.  We planned for Zayden coming to the hospital, meeting her and actually picking her name.  And we also didn’t stress about getting sick or not.  Now, we are isolated in the home, Zayden (or anyone besides Jason) doesn’t get to visit in the hospital, and unfortunately, if either of us gets sick with COVID, we have to stay away from baby until better.  THIS IS NOT WHAT WE PLANNED.  Which is laughable to an extent, because I know planning never happens as we aren’t in control, but my heart breaks a little with these extra precautions and fears that come up every day.  What you can do – pray just for this virus to slow down and we all stay healthy and away from it, not just me, all of us.  Of course, I know that if it does happen and I or Jason have to be isolated from baby, we will survive (physically, mentally is a different story) and we know that there are much bigger cases and issues going on in the world that us, but the first moments with our sweet baby girl we don’t want to see her being wheeled away to be isolated from us.

Hopefully, my next update is baby sis will be here and healthy!  But in the meantime, I’ll leave you with these sweet maternity photos by none other than, Vinson Images

Ps. Zayden still can’t decide between the names Brexton, Becklee, Ryken or Baby Box.

30 weeks & toddler life

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I feel a little guilty, which is exactly what most of this pregnancy has felt like. From what I hear, that’s just what mom life is all about, trying to find balance and dealing with the guilt that comes with unbalanced lifestyle. You’re either too tired to play with your very excited toddler or you’re busy trying to do things and can’t take a second to just breathe for yourself.  It’s a continuous battle with yourself, but I’d rather do this battle every day than what we were doing for 6+ years prior to having Z. Here’s how life has been going so far!

I’m 30 weeks.  Baby girl is measuring on time, appears to be healthy and has a good healthy heart rate, so we are praying she continues to.  She’s ACTIVE.  I’m talking about the good Lord has combined my energy (pre-pregnancy) and Jason’s ridiculousness and created this little being that kicks and punches all day and all night long. Zayden was a very chill little boy in the womb and she’s the opposite.  Ha, as I typed this I got a good jab, as if she knows I’m talking about her.  Thankful for those little (and big) jabs every day though.

Zayden is finally over the thought of us having a baby shark vs an actual baby.  He also gives baby sissy kisses almost daily but REFUSES to feel her kick.  When I try to pull my shirt up over the belly and show him kicks, he covers my belly back up and says, “No Mama.” Maybe he’s not quite ready for sissy to get here yet.  Speaking of “Sissy” we have yet to decide on a name.  Feel free to give your input with the ones we have picked out or new suggestions! 🙂  So far, we’ve narrowed it down to Ryken, Becklee, Becklenn or Brexton and we have a middle name of Spree already picked out (thanks Aunt B for sharing your middle name with us).  Ryken is Zayden’s favorite or he’s open to the name “Sissy Beck” but that’s about as much as he’s willing to compromise on the name, so we shall see!  Like I said, feel free to throw your suggestions out there as we’re just not sold on anything yet.

As far as our little Zman – he’s still as awesome as he’s ever been.  He’s a little smarty pants for sure.  Since he’s mastered his ABCs awhile ago, he now likes to just say them as fast as possible before someone chimes in and if we interrupt him, he likes to start all over.  He also can count to 50, which Jason is not the happiest about as he does push ups with Zayden and when Zayden decided one day to go over 30, Jason just wasn’t fully prepared to keep doing the pushups lol. I fully plan to get him to 100 by age 3, but we have plenty of time for this.
*Puzzles & Books he still loves.  That kid can seriously race us with puzzles and likely win every time.
*PJ Masks (Catboy, Owlet, and Gecko), Ninja Turtles, Spiderman & most recently Daniel the Tiger are some of his favorite shows to watch.  And I’m going to be honest, I don’t even have any shows anymore because when we are watching shows, it’s usually something he enjoys.
*He still loves Wall-E, Frozen and Polar Express movies.
Jumping, running, crashing, building, running, jumping and hide & seek are some of his favorite things to do.
*He has moved from calling me Mom-Mom to Mommy and occasionally when he’s trying to be funny, he calls us Mom & Dad.  It’s too grown up for me to take seriously.
*Lima (aka Liam, his cousin) is his bff. We recently went on vacation with them for a week and he started calling him Lima which likely will stick with him for life and he now asks to hang out with him every day. 🙂 Love that sweet cousin love.
*Speaking of vacation, we’ve added Bahamas to his list of places he’s visited and knocked off another stamp on his passport, making that 2 out of the country travels in 2 years!
*He’s really interested in this Kid Bible app on my phone – I only let him play on it once a day for 2 Bible stories and I honestly thought he wasn’t retaining any of the stories at all, but after you listen to the stories so many times, he surprisingly knows them and that just warms my heart to know he’s willing to listen and take those stories in.  His favorites at the moment are Daniel in the Lion’s Den, Samson, Noah’s Ark (aka the “rainbone” story) and the house being built on the rock vs the sand.  I’m pretty sure the last story he only likes because he likes that the wave crashes and destroys the house on the sand  – ha, but it’s pretty great to watch him listen to those!
*His daddy is starting to win the favorite award every day.  He used to be all mommy, but mom’s a bit more tired than normal and can’t put him on my back all the time, so dad’s been winning the favorite award more than I have recently.
*Zayden got a big boy bed, that he seems to be loving.  I do sleep in it half the time with him, but it’s much more room than sharing King bed with Jason, baby girl and Charlie lol.  So we will get what we can take.
*His favorite pup has changed from Della to Ollie, because Ollie actually likes to play with him and Della is just not as fast as she used to be.
*Water guns & Rawrs (aka dinosaurs) in the bathtubs are still our go to every bath.
*Food is still a toss up. He loves things one day and doesn’t the next – this is a constant struggle, but we’re rolling with it.  I’ve attempted every tip, but I just have to remind myself it’s a phase and this too shall pass.
*He still loves to cook with his mommy, especially if it’s something he can taste as we go.  He loves to ask me, “Momma, I like it?” lick his lips then looks at me like can I try it yet. Brownies, muffins, and waffles have been some of our favorites to make..or anything that he can mix basically.
*We have nightmares and I think that’s something that we just will be dealing with for awhile. He wakes up at least once a night scared of something that he’ll try to tell me about – it usually has something to do with a toy or someone he knows but never can get a full story from him before I get him to calm down and fall back asleep.  We have active imaginations in our family, so I can only imagine it’ll stick around for awhile.

We are loving every minute we can soak in with little man.  He’s really pretty chill and calm mostly, but has his moments but they are pretty few and far between and usually because he’s hangry or tired. Yet, I take these moments over anything we’ve had pre-Zayden.  Life is different, much different but so so good.  We are going to embrace all we can in the next 10 weeks before sissy gets here. Thankful for prayers for healthy babies and thankful for this place we are in life.

Leaving with you with a few favorites from vacation:

TWO. |Zayden

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My little man, I don’t know how time has gone so quickly and you turned two today. I write this as you sleep on my left arm, as you do every night. Yup, that’s right we break all the rules in this house apparently and he’s sleeping in our bed. Welcome to the world of two at the Vinsons. I remember telling myself we wouldn’t do that as parents and now I laugh bc it’s literally one of the highlights of us parenting is having your child roll over, hold you close and say, “Oh Momma” and slowly fall asleep. I want to remember these moments & phrases before they fade away, so I’ve compiled a list of my fave things Z says.

Oney = eleven

Sesen = seven (it’s cuter when he says it)

Mom Mom = instead of Momma or Mommie

Owwie = Ollie

Deaa = Della

Char-No = Charlie 😂 because I think he rarely says Charlie’s name without yelling no, generally bc he’s usually trying to steal his food.

Ohpp – like opp, oops and whoops all combined.

Oh Momma & Oh Dadda = cuddles

Fly bite = any type of scratch or bug bite, and he’s a little dramatic about those. A mosquito bite from 6 months ago he still talks about.

ABCDEs = letters

1,2,3,10 = numbers

Oof = orange

Rrrrrr (with a growl, and occassionally followed by ‘for Rachel’) = R

Brrrrue = blue (apparently, your quarter Hispanic blood allows you to roll those rs way better than me!

Tapzoy = trapzoid (but you like to say it in a rough, scary voice)

Q = qune

Cak = cake

Foot shnacks = fruit snacks

Snow = but said through your wrinkled up nose like you smell as you say it. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s my favorite ,😂

Rayannah & Hayden (which are two different people but always together) = Rain-ya

Dis = what’s this, which I hear all day long, even when he knows what “dis” is.

When we pray at night I always ask what God is doing and you say, “wating” which means watching over us!

You have some favorite things yourself, like your lizard toy named Lizard & your white stuffed dog named White Dog. 🤷‍♀️ We are working on your lack of creativity at the moment lol. Your mom & dad are still your favorites but your best friend Hayden & sitter Rayannah are coming in close!

You still want to eat mac-n-cheese or fruit snacks for every meal🙄 and oranges, blueberries, eggs, yogurt & waffles you’ll get by with. Still refusing alot if foods but will keep trying!

You know your letters, numbers to 20, all the shapes, and currently learning opposites which has been hysterical.

Your bike, playset & bouncy house are probably your favorite things to do, and throwing the ball to Charlie.

We’ve experienced so many firsts together in the past two years…

Travel to New York & Hawaii, somewhere none of us have gone until you came along!

2 different hospital stays & 1 surgery, which is not something Jason or myself are unfamiliar with, but it was a first having a child go through this. Croup & tonsillectomy were a terrible experience for us but thankfully the good Lord kept watch over the Drs and strong little man was better after a couple of weeks each time.

Trick-or-Treating was new to us this year as last time it was wet & cold and I definitely wasn’t letting you ear candy last year😂 anyways, last night was so fun. – you were so polite whispering trick or treat and thank you and would only take one piece of candy every time. It made me so happy to watch you do that and run from the house with excitement. I hate to tell you – it’s not likely you’re getting many pieces of that candy as I passed out most of it lol but I saved a handful for you. Because, I mean, sugar. 😬😂 I am a bit concerned you now think it’s acceptable to wander up to houses & trick or treat any random day but you’ll learn.

We got to experience seeing baby sissy (yes, I said sissy) on an ultrasound this week, something we’ve never been able to say in all the years of infertility and you were right there to see her kicking with us. I don’t know if you’re thrilled or not but you will be, because you are already the best big brother.

Here’s to many more firsts, adventures and so many hugs & kisses with us. We love you little man and so proud of who you are! ❤️

Seven. ❤️

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Seven, that’s how many heaven babies we have. To some that may seem like a drop in a bucket to their several more losses. To others it may seem like too many to still be sane (my sanity is still in question), and there are countless others that will say to themselves, atleast you were able to get pregnant. I’ve thought every single one of those thoughts over the years and today I just am grateful for the littles we have.

A couple of months ago I was at the Dr office and I was asked if we’ve had any miscarriages and I huffed and said “uh ya,” and she asked me how many and my reply was “alot.” However, she needed more information, she needed a number before she would look at my first ultrasound this pregnancy… So I counted. I managed to come up with 5 losses, unfortunately what I hadn’t counted yet was the 2 we lost during our IVF processes. Maybe those don’t qualify as miscarriages but embryos that we lost
They were viable embryos and I did carry them, even if only for days. I don’t say this to strum up past, sad feelings but I say it to explain just how mentally exhausting infertility is. It takes a toll on you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and to think I hadn’t even begun to register the last two losses we experienced. It’s been almost 2 years since one and about 11 weeks since the last…you would think that would be enough time, but the reality is you never “get over” a loss. If it’s the loss of not having a positive pregnancy test, miscarriage, a phantom pregnancy, ectopic, or loss of a child you have had the privilege to hold in your arms. The loss is always with you.

This month is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. I usually share our story, my video I created last IVF process or the blog I put together with 12 other strong ladies about our losses. But this year I encourage you to share your story. Tell me about your beautiful little one you were able to meet even if only via ultrasound. If not me, share with someone the loss you experienced and remember those sweet babies in Heaven. I’ll be remembering our seven a little extra this month.