Tag: Motherhood

4 Months | Ryken Spree

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Sweet, happy girl turned 4 months yesterday and I’m clueless how that happened so quickly.  How is it possible? 

Ryken is as happy as can be (besides the teething) most days.  She is just now starting to roll over and holds her head up so well.  Not one day has passed that she isn’t happy! ❤️ Her personality is starting to come out and she’s a little combination of sweet, ornery and sass.  She’s been sleeping like a champ until recently but no complaints – we’ll sleep someday 😂

Zayden still isn’t 110% sure about sissy but he’s warming up to her. He’s very excited about when she’s big enough to play with him! Some fun things about Zayden:

Continuing to love to learn, swim and be his curious little self. He knows more random facts about things that I can keep track up (most of these “facts” he tells me are spot on but occasionally he gets his info mixed up. One of the more questionable facts is turtles can jump up to 10x their length and they can jump 10 miles. 😂 Another cute thing he does, is wonders what color the car will be after we come out of the car wash. He’s always a little disappointed when my car comes out to be white after every wash lol.

Pandemic is still the pandemic, life is still limited, but we’ve adapted and are lucky enough to see all of our immediate family and enjoy the lake most weekends. Life is different but thankful for these two sweeties.

3 months & 32 months

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How did we get here?  Little Miss Ryken is 3 months old today and Zayden is over 2.5 years old (yes I had to count the months to figure it out bc I have up counting months awhile back!)

Ryken is smiling every day.  Cooing all the time, sitting in her lion chair, holding her head up really well and officially rolled over for the first time today!  She’s been pretty content just chilling and letting us move her until today.  She loves to swim in our little pool, riding in car rides is a breeze, and sleeping is her thing (thankfully)!

Zayden is still is curious, adventurous, smart little self. He still is a bit particular when it comes to the food he wants to eat. He traces his name and words really well, starting to color inside the lines, loves to create things and is a little obsessed with excavators and tractors. He takes all information we give him and can repeat it a month later – this kiddo surprises me every day. We’ve been working on reading and I wouldn’t be surprised if he could read some by the time he turns 3. He could step up his sports game a little, but he will get there if he wants eventually (currently, he thinks a basketball is a football and a baseball is a basketball). He loves his sis but still wants momma’s attention when I give her too much! 😂🤷 And he loves to swim in his pool & the lake, so much so we can’t get him out of the water most days. He even got to tube with his cousin and me and all he wanted to do was, “Go faster.”

Last month, we got to see zebras, Ryken met her great grandma Jackie, and finally got to see Ryken’s grandparents (Papa & Grammie Vinson). This meant travelling 11 hours by car to New Mexico during pandemic was interesting but we did it! They both actually did really well! ❤️🚗 We also got to shoot off huge fireworks thanks to the Qualls family; Ryken slept through most of them and Zayden loved them as long as he was wearing his headphones 😂

Life is still fairly quarantined with a little more outside life but staying at a safe and cautious distance! We are ready for things to be a little more normal but we’ve learned this may just be our new normal. Our children may never step in a store again or eat inside a restaurant for quite some time, maybe they will not blink an eye when they get to school age and have to wear masks all the time. Who knows, but we are loving life with them no matter what type of restrictions life gives us.

We are so grateful for our two cuties and praying to continue to stay healthy, happy and as rested as we can!

2 Months in THIS World

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Sweet girl, you are 2 months (yesterday) and you are full of smiles, despite the world chaos you have come into. Generally, my posts of you and Zayden are just about you and where you have traveled to and things you have done, but things are much bigger than just you or us.

You were born into a pandemic & now protests & riots everywhere. Let me explain so you know just how different this life is than what we expected you to come into. We have been isolated for quite some time until more recently. We didn’t have visitors, we didn’t see family or friends (and still haven’t seen most friends) and we haven’t been out in the world since you were born. Until recently, this week we traveled to see your Grandma & Grandpa Vinson. And while in isolation, we have done a handful of fun things like ride your first boat on the lake, your first pool time, traveling 11 hours in the car, and you & your brother’s first camping trip which you loved every single thing and smiled through it all! We have experienced quite a bit of happiness in our little bubble, and yet there is so much sadness here and in our world that my heart hurts you’ve come at this time. It hurts that we haven’t done better as a society. We shouldn’t be seeing the hate we are seeing now, things that should have never ever happened have. But I’m going to tell you about it because this is reality. We should be living in a world where hate shouldn’t be present, racism should be non-existent, rights for people of color should be just as equal to anyone else’s. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. You my sweet girl are privileged, there is no doubt about that. We are not judged by our skin color. It unfortunately happens in this world and has caused so many unruly deaths, and produced so much hate that I can’t even explain it fully to you. But I will try. We are already trying to teach your bubs and you about racism, and love and hate in this world. We are trying to teach you both about white privilege and will continue so hopefully you don’t have to live through the same things that we are witnessing. You and your brother are the future. You are the change.

Prior to your birth, we had covid19 hit the world and have been in a pandemic for awhile now. Businesses have been closed down, restrictions with what you can and cannot do, how many people can be together at a time, etc. For us, it fell at a time where we had to stay at home anyways and this just gave us more time with you and Z while weddings get postponed and the scheduled things we had opened up. The pandemic continues, little help was given to small businesses and people that have poured their lives into their business have to close down for good. Then people start to protest about opening back up, some states (like Arkansas) have opened back up with some restrictions and some have chosen to stay closed down. It’s a weird world as a small business owner. Next up, murder hornets – honestly, just Google this when you get old enough because if I try to even explain them, you’ll think I’m making it up from a movie or something. Then shortly thereafter, a terrible murder happens to George Floyd, a man that did not deserve to be treated like he was and he died a terrible death. The world hasn’t been the same since and it shouldn’t be. Protests began in every state. Then riots began. People are taking a stand. We are taking a stand. This was another person of color that died unjustly and we have to stand that this stops. You will be taught to treat others better. You will be taught to love. You will be taught not to hate. And you will be taught to stand up for things you believe in. Sweet girl, you and your brother be the change and we vow to pour into you so you don’t witness these same tragedies every single day.

I am sorry this book of our journey for you and your brother has turned into a world of chaos, but it’s apart of your life. We pray you never experience the unjust things that are happening in the world, not because you were born with a privilege or because you are living in a bubble, but because changed has happened.

Zayden in a Pandemic

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I had no intention of posting again til after little sis was born, but this blog started with our infertility journey to Zayden and I want to continue to document our journey for both of them. So, I have to document this chaos happening in today’s world and what it’s like pregnant and for a toddler.

Zayden doesn’t really get what’s going on, I mean he’s 2 ha, but it has affected his every day life (in a very minimal way).  He misses his buddy Hayden and we have been keeping our distance from neighbors and no one has come into the house besides his (also isolated) nanny some days. He doesn’t understand why he can’t see his Gammie and Papaw and he definitely wants to see his Uncle Will, Aunt, B, and Lima but has been content enough with video calls for the time being.  No parks, no swimming at Bentonville Community Center, no shopping at Target (this kid may not love shopping at Target, but LOVES LOVES running the aisles).  In fact, he loves it so much, we used to take him there purely to burn off energy and for no real reason of actually getting anything. Ha. #parentsconfessions  No traveling to the lake or to play with his cousins and no church class. So life in his eyes has been more limited, but it also has given him his momma and daddy time, which is all he’s really concerned with.

This time has been filled with lots of painting, coloring chalk all over the driveway and a little on the garage door.  So many walks around the neighborhood, looking for worms and puddles to splash in, and playing in the backyard with the dogs, etc.  Thankfully, this pandemic has come at a time where we want to be home more with Zayden anyways and I’ve limited my work significantly being in the 9th month of pregnancy.  However, knowing I was going to spend more time at home doesn’t make it less difficult finding ways to keep a toddler entertained easily day in and day out.  When we have a rough morning of meltdowns, we get discouraged about not having enough to do, but quickly reminded all you really need is that love from the parents to get you through the tougher times.  And we are grateful we are able to be there for him.

Of course this has affected our daily activities and chores as well, like never did I think I’d be wiping down our groceries before bringing them into the house or going days upon days without seeing my family (for those than know us, that’s really surprising), nor did I think we wouldn’t be allowing anyone into the house after sis is born for awhile and this has been new adjustment.  And I didn’t think we’d be postponing weddings/sessions left and right due to restrictions.  Yet, my mind is set to be thankful.  Thankful for this pandemic and more time to spend with Zayden.  Of course, I’m not thankful for how the economy is being affected, lives are being lost, people starting to turn on each other over TP or more hate crimes because they think another race is purposefully trying to spread the virus, or parents and individuals are experiencing firsts in a way they never thought they’d have to.  But this has given us time to step back and really embrace being in the moments and not being caught up in the hustle and bustle of being here or there.  And just taking the moments to breathe in (cautiously and within a safe distance from everyone else) and being present.

Continuing prayers for everyone, especially all the soon to be parents are healthy and those sweet babes are being born healthy, the immunocompromised, and those on the front lines during this difficult time.  And lifting up those that have lost loved ones.  I never imagined experiencing something like this, but we are in it and hoping for an end soon.  Til then, enjoying our sweet baby boy and last few days before we become a family of four.

Also – if you’re interested in following Zayden’s journey during this quarantined lifestyle – here’s a few images or follow his Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zaydengray/

 

Count down & the new norm

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Where do I start?  Every day I think about being pregnant and “quarantined” I think about how weird of a time it is to be pregnant. I mean, it’s a weird time for everyone right now but I’m going to just speak as a pregnant mama during this Covid19 world.  Did you know some states aren’t allowing spouses or a support system to be in the same room during delivery?  Did you know most or maybe all states by now are ONLY letting 1 spouse/support system in the room? Or that no visitors whatsoever are allowed in?  No siblings, grandparents, friends or family are allowed to visit the baby in the hospital. It’s a change to keep us all safe, obviously, so I have no qualms about it, but it’s a little sad too.  In addition, we are limiting grandparents or anyone in the house to no one, unless they’ve been self-quarantined for 14 days themselves.

Daily, I go through a range of emotions from worried, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, baffled, and the emotions go on and on.  Of those emotions I experience regularly, very minimal times do my emotions reflect excited, happy, upbeat, and peaceful. Blessed, absolutely, I feel that every single day.  However, this current environment is stripping my excitement and peace as each day goes by.  We’ve gone through what we believe is every possible scenario of how this delivery could play out that we can think of.  I know we don’t know what’s to come but we can attempt to be as prepared as possible.

Scenario 1: We have baby girl easily and without a hitch! Jason is in the room, baby and mom are healthy and get sent home quickly.  Zayden is taken care of by my sis while we’re gone.  This is the scenario we are praying for!

Scenario 2: Jason isn’t allowed in the hospital room and misses the birth of his 2nd child. I labor/deliver on my own.  Jason takes care of Zayden, mom and baby girl are healthy and released home quickly.

Scenario 3: One of  us tests positive for Covid-19.  We are isolated from baby until she tests negative/positive. If negative, we isolate positive person at home, while the negative person(s) isolate elsewhere.

Scenario 4: Z gets sick & tests positive, none of the rest of us do.  We quarantine baby sis and me elsewhere while Jason quarantines with Z at home.

Scenario 5: All of us get it besides baby sis.  My mom and sister will hopefully be healthy and take turns caring for sis til we are allowed to see her.  This is the scenario I am fearing the most.  Not that my mom and sister aren’t fully capable of loving and handling baby sis on their own, but it’s more germs to be exposed to and to be forced away from your newborn child is a very unnerving thought.

Scenario 6: We all get sick and test positive for Covid-19 and we all quarantined at home.  Honestly, if we are all healthy enough to not have huge issues with the virus, I would prefer this over isolating any of us from another.  So I guess surprisingly this is the most ideal scenario after 1 & 2.

Scenario 7: Our hospitals become overwhelmed and I’ll not be able to birth in hospital.  Let’s not even go into this one because it’s so far out of my head at the moment.  A possibility, yes, but not something I want to think about at the moment.

Scenario 8: We have labor & delivery complications with me or baby sis.  I’m not allowing myself to go down this road mentally, so we’ll leave it at that.

I truly despise that my mind even goes to any of this….but in this world, we have to go through these scenarios and create plans and back up plans.  We simply do not know what to expect and it’s way beyond what we had to think about last time around.  With Zayden, the only thing we planned for is making sure our dogs were taken care of while we were in the hospital.  I’m sure some may think this is all extreme, honestly I don’t care what they may think, because we’re just doing what’s best for our kiddos and until you’re in this situation then I don’t know you’ve fully grasp it.

These scenarios continue to weigh heavily on me day and night.  Being isolated from Zayden or baby sis will be one of the toughest things we’ve ever had to do, and let’ me remind you we went through 6+ years of infertility, multiple surgeries, miscarriages after miscarriages and IVF twice, so that’s kind of saying something lol  To be isolated from either of them is what scares us the most..

To end this, I’ll give you a little update on where we are baby wise.  Baby sis still doesn’t have a name yet, but we are considering Zayden’s latest suggestion of Princess Sissy. She seems to be doing good with a healthy heartbeat and moving a ton still.  Dilated to a 3 (whoa – we never got this far with Zayden without being induced), and we have an induction date scheduled for 04/06 unless she comes before.  🙂 Finding this out earlier today brought tears to my eyes because it makes this all just a little more real.

Here’s to this new norm that we’re adjusting to and hopefully just a little more than  a week before little sis arrives!  And while we wait, we continue to soak up every minute possible with Zayden.  Jason has been thankfully capturing photos every single day and sharing them on our facebook in case you want a cute little pick me up. 🙂

Praying for all those expecting mamas out there that are experiencing the ups and downs of their pregnancies.  Hoping for peace and safe & healthy deliveries!

8.5 Months in a Pandemic

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What a weird world we’re living in right now… Weird as in eery and questionable.  Being 37 weeks pregnant is interesting.  I generally am not a germaphobe. We wash our hands, hand sanitize regularly and try not to lick walls, but some of us in the family can’t always abide by these general common sense rules. Zayden finds it hard to work within these rules when he is playing pretend kitty cat. Anyways, when the CDC and my Dr. recommend isolating yourself and you find out you’ll be separated from baby girl if you get COVID-19, things start to hit the nerves a little more than I wanted.

I went in for 37 week check up this morning, greeted at the door to answer questions and have my temperature taken.  All precautions I appreciate being done to keep me as well as others safe, but my fear was slightly heightened after walking by the closed offices with health warning signs on the doors. Thankfully, my Dr office is taking every precaution and limiting the number of people in the office, delaying appointments that aren’t absolutely necessary and encouraging patients to come by themselves and not to mention getting people in and out as quickly as possible. That all said, I’m dilated to a 1, which doesn’t mean a ton to me because with Zayden I was dilated at a 1 for 3 weeks maybe?  Ha. Little sis is always extremely comfy and hasn’t dropped yet, so she may be content for a bit!  Likely, around end of 39 weeks we may induce, like we did with Zayden!

Although, it’s not how I envisioned the end of this pregnancy going.  I planned on nesting yes but being able to get last minute items for baby sis like most procrastinators like myself need time for.  We planned for Zayden coming to the hospital, meeting her and actually picking her name.  And we also didn’t stress about getting sick or not.  Now, we are isolated in the home, Zayden (or anyone besides Jason) doesn’t get to visit in the hospital, and unfortunately, if either of us gets sick with COVID, we have to stay away from baby until better.  THIS IS NOT WHAT WE PLANNED.  Which is laughable to an extent, because I know planning never happens as we aren’t in control, but my heart breaks a little with these extra precautions and fears that come up every day.  What you can do – pray just for this virus to slow down and we all stay healthy and away from it, not just me, all of us.  Of course, I know that if it does happen and I or Jason have to be isolated from baby, we will survive (physically, mentally is a different story) and we know that there are much bigger cases and issues going on in the world that us, but the first moments with our sweet baby girl we don’t want to see her being wheeled away to be isolated from us.

Hopefully, my next update is baby sis will be here and healthy!  But in the meantime, I’ll leave you with these sweet maternity photos by none other than, Vinson Images

Ps. Zayden still can’t decide between the names Brexton, Becklee, Ryken or Baby Box.

30 weeks & toddler life

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I feel a little guilty, which is exactly what most of this pregnancy has felt like. From what I hear, that’s just what mom life is all about, trying to find balance and dealing with the guilt that comes with unbalanced lifestyle. You’re either too tired to play with your very excited toddler or you’re busy trying to do things and can’t take a second to just breathe for yourself.  It’s a continuous battle with yourself, but I’d rather do this battle every day than what we were doing for 6+ years prior to having Z. Here’s how life has been going so far!

I’m 30 weeks.  Baby girl is measuring on time, appears to be healthy and has a good healthy heart rate, so we are praying she continues to.  She’s ACTIVE.  I’m talking about the good Lord has combined my energy (pre-pregnancy) and Jason’s ridiculousness and created this little being that kicks and punches all day and all night long. Zayden was a very chill little boy in the womb and she’s the opposite.  Ha, as I typed this I got a good jab, as if she knows I’m talking about her.  Thankful for those little (and big) jabs every day though.

Zayden is finally over the thought of us having a baby shark vs an actual baby.  He also gives baby sissy kisses almost daily but REFUSES to feel her kick.  When I try to pull my shirt up over the belly and show him kicks, he covers my belly back up and says, “No Mama.” Maybe he’s not quite ready for sissy to get here yet.  Speaking of “Sissy” we have yet to decide on a name.  Feel free to give your input with the ones we have picked out or new suggestions! 🙂  So far, we’ve narrowed it down to Ryken, Becklee, Becklenn or Brexton and we have a middle name of Spree already picked out (thanks Aunt B for sharing your middle name with us).  Ryken is Zayden’s favorite or he’s open to the name “Sissy Beck” but that’s about as much as he’s willing to compromise on the name, so we shall see!  Like I said, feel free to throw your suggestions out there as we’re just not sold on anything yet.

As far as our little Zman – he’s still as awesome as he’s ever been.  He’s a little smarty pants for sure.  Since he’s mastered his ABCs awhile ago, he now likes to just say them as fast as possible before someone chimes in and if we interrupt him, he likes to start all over.  He also can count to 50, which Jason is not the happiest about as he does push ups with Zayden and when Zayden decided one day to go over 30, Jason just wasn’t fully prepared to keep doing the pushups lol. I fully plan to get him to 100 by age 3, but we have plenty of time for this.
*Puzzles & Books he still loves.  That kid can seriously race us with puzzles and likely win every time.
*PJ Masks (Catboy, Owlet, and Gecko), Ninja Turtles, Spiderman & most recently Daniel the Tiger are some of his favorite shows to watch.  And I’m going to be honest, I don’t even have any shows anymore because when we are watching shows, it’s usually something he enjoys.
*He still loves Wall-E, Frozen and Polar Express movies.
Jumping, running, crashing, building, running, jumping and hide & seek are some of his favorite things to do.
*He has moved from calling me Mom-Mom to Mommy and occasionally when he’s trying to be funny, he calls us Mom & Dad.  It’s too grown up for me to take seriously.
*Lima (aka Liam, his cousin) is his bff. We recently went on vacation with them for a week and he started calling him Lima which likely will stick with him for life and he now asks to hang out with him every day. 🙂 Love that sweet cousin love.
*Speaking of vacation, we’ve added Bahamas to his list of places he’s visited and knocked off another stamp on his passport, making that 2 out of the country travels in 2 years!
*He’s really interested in this Kid Bible app on my phone – I only let him play on it once a day for 2 Bible stories and I honestly thought he wasn’t retaining any of the stories at all, but after you listen to the stories so many times, he surprisingly knows them and that just warms my heart to know he’s willing to listen and take those stories in.  His favorites at the moment are Daniel in the Lion’s Den, Samson, Noah’s Ark (aka the “rainbone” story) and the house being built on the rock vs the sand.  I’m pretty sure the last story he only likes because he likes that the wave crashes and destroys the house on the sand  – ha, but it’s pretty great to watch him listen to those!
*His daddy is starting to win the favorite award every day.  He used to be all mommy, but mom’s a bit more tired than normal and can’t put him on my back all the time, so dad’s been winning the favorite award more than I have recently.
*Zayden got a big boy bed, that he seems to be loving.  I do sleep in it half the time with him, but it’s much more room than sharing King bed with Jason, baby girl and Charlie lol.  So we will get what we can take.
*His favorite pup has changed from Della to Ollie, because Ollie actually likes to play with him and Della is just not as fast as she used to be.
*Water guns & Rawrs (aka dinosaurs) in the bathtubs are still our go to every bath.
*Food is still a toss up. He loves things one day and doesn’t the next – this is a constant struggle, but we’re rolling with it.  I’ve attempted every tip, but I just have to remind myself it’s a phase and this too shall pass.
*He still loves to cook with his mommy, especially if it’s something he can taste as we go.  He loves to ask me, “Momma, I like it?” lick his lips then looks at me like can I try it yet. Brownies, muffins, and waffles have been some of our favorites to make..or anything that he can mix basically.
*We have nightmares and I think that’s something that we just will be dealing with for awhile. He wakes up at least once a night scared of something that he’ll try to tell me about – it usually has something to do with a toy or someone he knows but never can get a full story from him before I get him to calm down and fall back asleep.  We have active imaginations in our family, so I can only imagine it’ll stick around for awhile.

We are loving every minute we can soak in with little man.  He’s really pretty chill and calm mostly, but has his moments but they are pretty few and far between and usually because he’s hangry or tired. Yet, I take these moments over anything we’ve had pre-Zayden.  Life is different, much different but so so good.  We are going to embrace all we can in the next 10 weeks before sissy gets here. Thankful for prayers for healthy babies and thankful for this place we are in life.

Leaving with you with a few favorites from vacation:

TWO. |Zayden

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My little man, I don’t know how time has gone so quickly and you turned two today. I write this as you sleep on my left arm, as you do every night. Yup, that’s right we break all the rules in this house apparently and he’s sleeping in our bed. Welcome to the world of two at the Vinsons. I remember telling myself we wouldn’t do that as parents and now I laugh bc it’s literally one of the highlights of us parenting is having your child roll over, hold you close and say, “Oh Momma” and slowly fall asleep. I want to remember these moments & phrases before they fade away, so I’ve compiled a list of my fave things Z says.

Oney = eleven

Sesen = seven (it’s cuter when he says it)

Mom Mom = instead of Momma or Mommie

Owwie = Ollie

Deaa = Della

Char-No = Charlie 😂 because I think he rarely says Charlie’s name without yelling no, generally bc he’s usually trying to steal his food.

Ohpp – like opp, oops and whoops all combined.

Oh Momma & Oh Dadda = cuddles

Fly bite = any type of scratch or bug bite, and he’s a little dramatic about those. A mosquito bite from 6 months ago he still talks about.

ABCDEs = letters

1,2,3,10 = numbers

Oof = orange

Rrrrrr (with a growl, and occassionally followed by ‘for Rachel’) = R

Brrrrue = blue (apparently, your quarter Hispanic blood allows you to roll those rs way better than me!

Tapzoy = trapzoid (but you like to say it in a rough, scary voice)

Q = qune

Cak = cake

Foot shnacks = fruit snacks

Snow = but said through your wrinkled up nose like you smell as you say it. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s my favorite ,😂

Rayannah & Hayden (which are two different people but always together) = Rain-ya

Dis = what’s this, which I hear all day long, even when he knows what “dis” is.

When we pray at night I always ask what God is doing and you say, “wating” which means watching over us!

You have some favorite things yourself, like your lizard toy named Lizard & your white stuffed dog named White Dog. 🤷‍♀️ We are working on your lack of creativity at the moment lol. Your mom & dad are still your favorites but your best friend Hayden & sitter Rayannah are coming in close!

You still want to eat mac-n-cheese or fruit snacks for every meal🙄 and oranges, blueberries, eggs, yogurt & waffles you’ll get by with. Still refusing alot if foods but will keep trying!

You know your letters, numbers to 20, all the shapes, and currently learning opposites which has been hysterical.

Your bike, playset & bouncy house are probably your favorite things to do, and throwing the ball to Charlie.

We’ve experienced so many firsts together in the past two years…

Travel to New York & Hawaii, somewhere none of us have gone until you came along!

2 different hospital stays & 1 surgery, which is not something Jason or myself are unfamiliar with, but it was a first having a child go through this. Croup & tonsillectomy were a terrible experience for us but thankfully the good Lord kept watch over the Drs and strong little man was better after a couple of weeks each time.

Trick-or-Treating was new to us this year as last time it was wet & cold and I definitely wasn’t letting you ear candy last year😂 anyways, last night was so fun. – you were so polite whispering trick or treat and thank you and would only take one piece of candy every time. It made me so happy to watch you do that and run from the house with excitement. I hate to tell you – it’s not likely you’re getting many pieces of that candy as I passed out most of it lol but I saved a handful for you. Because, I mean, sugar. 😬😂 I am a bit concerned you now think it’s acceptable to wander up to houses & trick or treat any random day but you’ll learn.

We got to experience seeing baby sissy (yes, I said sissy) on an ultrasound this week, something we’ve never been able to say in all the years of infertility and you were right there to see her kicking with us. I don’t know if you’re thrilled or not but you will be, because you are already the best big brother.

Here’s to many more firsts, adventures and so many hugs & kisses with us. We love you little man and so proud of who you are! ❤️

Never as planned..

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This week things didn’t go as planned. I imagined a call Tuesday or Wednesday to find out the gender and (hopefully) good news on genetic testing. Tuesday & Wednesday went by with no news as I patiently impatiently waited. In the meantime, since this is very likely our last pregnancy, we thought we would do a special ultrasound at the end of our first trimester to just see little one and let Jason & Zayden see it’s not actually a baby shark 🤦🏼‍♀️. Let’s just say Zayden is still not fully convinced. I did share a little photo at the bottom of the post because the way a child is formed at just 12 weeks truly is a miracle. ***If you’re at a place in your life a bitty baby picture could trigger something for you, just stop reading this post early. I’ve been there, I get it and speaking from personal experience, don’t do it to yourself.***

Little one appeared healthy but he/she is also 12 weeks, so of course it’s early. It also is hard to determine the gender and the sweet woman doing the ultrasound made 2 guesses and there is 100% chance she is right on one of the guesses. 😂

Thursday rolled around and we got that Dr. call… I was on the phone with Jason and quickly hung up, because I didn’t want to miss this call. I could tell our sweet nurse wasn’t as bubbly as normal, so my mind circled with hundreds of thoughts while silently screaming in my head, “Just tell me.” Due to the twin we lost (what they call a vanishing twin), the results came back messy. The test read as high risk for several things. My heart dropped. Soooooo, it isn’t necessarily bad news because it’s likely just from the vanishing twin, right? Right?? An answer I don’t really have at the moment. We pray the high risk things are just coming from the vanishing twin, but I’d be lying if I said my confidence about this pregnancy wasn’t quickly deflated as my mind filled with thoughts of fear and worry. I no longer care the gender (not that I did before but I was looking forward to knowing), but now all we want to know is that Baby V is healthy.

I’ve been told by the very few people we’ve told that “God has this.” And He absolutely does, but my confidence is just shaken. Due to the vanishing twin, there may not be a genetic test we can do to determine if all things are in the clear, and if not we can wait but that peace of mind is worth something to this mama. I always thought – we’ve gone through the struggle. He knows we can’t handle more, that’s why Zayden pregnancy and birth were pretty darn easy, but maybe He isn’t quite done with our struggle yet. Who knows. We’d be guessing and left without answers so just continuing to pray for healthy baby and trying my hardest to enjoy this pregnancy. God knows that little one needs all the love no matter what and that’s what we are here for.

Of course, all the negative thoughts or comments are strictly coming from the things I’ve created in my head and none of it is fact but just assumptions. So do not take this as a sad post, just one that is leaving us with questions. For all we know little one is healthy but having that confirmation is always nice to have…but until then, here’s a sweet picture of our bitty baby! ❤️

For those following the past few posts and keeping C & B in your prayers – their transfer days are quickly approaching and they need a few more for good, successful transfers with no stress & worries! ❤️

22 Months

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Where has time gone, I’m completely blown away that Zayden is 22 months old.  In 2 months, he will be 2! AH!  The past few days, he’s really starting to grow into a little boy instead of a baby.

The talking has not slowed down at all….and has almost gotten a little more demanding (especially with the dogs and when he wants a snack).

When we prayed for a healthy, intelligent child, I never thought God would smirk and create a child more intelligent than Jason and I but that has happened.  This little boy knows all his ABCD (he likes to add the D on it, instead of the ABC’s). And he can count to 20. What. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t do that til I was like 4, but anyways he’s been working on it the past month and has it mastered.  He knows all his colors and shapes (even trapezoid which Jason didn’t know til I had to tell him what it was called lol)

We LOVE the lake and love to swim when we’re having fun, but he’s really hating swim lessons at the moment.  I think it’s because someone’s making him do it but if it was on his own terms we can’t seem to get him out of the water.

He is strong willed and knows what he wants.  However, he doesn’t always want to tell us what he wants, he would much rather make us guess…which clearly is his ornery side shining through in those moments.

He still loves his dogs, playing outside, his mama (especially this month) and his dadda (most of the time), sleeping in bed with us, his popsicles & fruit snacks and to be scared.  If we can scare him and get him to jump & scream, we consider it a win and he loves it every single time.  Speaking of scaring, something he started doing recently is “hiding from people” when there’s no one around, or at night.  Terror took over my face as I look around the room and ask him exactly how many people we are hiding from.  Then the other day, he took a fruit snack out of his bag and handed it to something in mid air…like he was waiting on “people” to take it.  I’m pretty sure he’s just playing the long game on me and trying to scare me….and not going to lie, it’s a little bit creepy.   So, you win Zayden.

He has started to not be as interested in Curious George and moved onto his new favorite movie, Finding Nemo.  If I have to watch that movie one more time…well, I will and I won’t complain but I may have every line memorized by now (and trust me, I still laugh at some moments). Here’s a video of him watching his favorite part of Finding Nemo!

We have a new nanny that brings her nephew over to play with him regularly and that gives Zayden more interaction with other little ones which we love.  I have always wanted him to have more interaction, and it would happen here and there, but gosh they’re ornery together…so so ornery.  Bless our nanny’s heart!

He says basically whatever he wants to say, but some of our favorite words are:

Snack or fruit snack
Seven (still one of my favorites) – sessen
Snow
Basically anything that starts with the letter S, because he acts as if the S is the sniffing noise.  It’s something you’ll have to experience in person, and trust me it’s worth it lol

So many changes over the past month, but mostly just him looking us in the eye and really speaking to us instead of just saying what he wants/needs.  Its as if he’s trying to hold conversations with us.  My heart isn’t prepared for him to grow up yet, but he definitely is every single day.

On another note, he continues to tell me I’m having a baby boy and he seems more excited about having a baby boy than possibility of a baby girl.  They say kids have a sixth sense about those types of things…so maybe he knows something we don’t just yet.  Either way, we are so thankful for the two littles we have and can’t wait to see what the next month brings!