I mean, what were we thinking? On chaotic days, I think this, but them quickly reminded I wouldn’t have the sweet hugs I get every day if I didn’t have the chaotic ones too!
Today, marks 9 weeks of a healthy heartbeat of one baby. We did lose the other twin, as we had thought after the last appointment but last week, we confirmed the twin had yet to grow for a couple of weeks and was no longer getting blood flow, however still present. So instead of “vanishing” like a vanishing twin should, still there for the moment. I’ve yet to process this fully, and I’m sure that will hit hard when the time comes, but we are thankful for the heartbeat we did get to see. I’m feeling pretty good, besides a little tired and some on and off sickness in the evenings, and so much lack of sleep I’m not sure how my body is surviving but it is happening. Zayden hopes this one is a girl and Ryken goes back and forth between baby boy and baby girl, but I just remind them we’re just hoping for another healthy baby just like them. We also have some names that the kids have come up with. Zayden is holding strong to Obi or Ryken (yes, he thinks it would be funny to name 2 kids Ryken). And Ryken just continues to say Baby, so poor kid will probably be nicknamed Baby for the rest of their life. They both also understand twin did go to heaven to hang out with Della.
19 months. Oh girl, Ryken is such a little wild child, but then is the sweetest all at the same time. She gives the best hugs. She whispers, sometimes yells “HUG” whenever she wants one and you’ll get about 15 in a matter of 30 seconds. She likes to do everything her Bub does and she is a wee bit demanding some days. We are still working on telling her that “RIGHT NOW” is not something you add to every sentence. Like “HUG RIGHT NOW” or “YOGURT RIGHT NOW PLEASE” is not how we talk lol, kind of cute, but I foresee this developing into more things as she gets older. Ha. Lord, help us. She adores her brother and her puppy Ollie, and most days she likes Charlie but only when he’s not trying to steal her food from her. If she could live outside and only eat popsicles, I’m pretty sure she would. And she still despises her hair being brushed. Yes, we’re one of those families that brushes their kids hair, no matter how strong the fight is in the child, but I’m not going to make her wear a bow or headband of pony because she just doesn’t want to this stage. Maybe one day she will change it up, for now she will be the brushed, straggly hair kiddo. 🙂 I can’t wait to see how her personality develops even more over the next few months.
4 years. I’m STILL in shock that we have a 4-year old. I’m not sure how that happened so quickly, and some days I don’t actually remember what life was like pre-Zayden, but I can tell you it is way better now. He is too smart. Remembers way more than I think he would, which makes it very difficult to get things past him. He loves to interrupt a friendly spouse spat with a “CAN YOU GUYS JUST GET ON THE SAME PAGE?” lol and he likes to make sure his sister follows the rules. He’s been put on phone duty. If someone accidentally leaves their phone out and sister goes for it, he knows to tell us right away so we don’t have any more accidental 911 calls. He also likes to make sure she doesn’t eat anything she’s not supposed to or share a cup that’s clearly his. Ha. He still loves his school and his favorite thing is playing with his friends and singing songs at school, to everyone, and everywhere. It’s my favorite thing he does at the moment. He’s really into playing board games and just recently, Jason introduced Mario Kart to him. I can confidently say that I can easily beat him in this game, but I’m sure that won’t last for long, but I will hold to my mom-win for the week! He’s such a fantastic big brother and he’s growing so fast, I can’t take it all in fast enough.
Continuing to be grateful for this chaotic journey. There’s your little update for the day from this family of 5. 🙂
Tag: Parenting
16 months vs 44 months
HOW? How is it possible that Ryken is turning 16 months? She’s getting so old I had to count out the months to figure out how old she is turning. I generally stop keeping track of “months” around 1.5 years old, but I thought it was interesting to show their differences and how old they are.
These two littles are so similar but SO different when comparing what they were like at the same age. Zayden (at Ryken’s age now) was so chill, quiet, content most of the time and a little ornery but not much! Now, with the other littles, cue the Led Zeppelin music “a-ah-ahh-ah,” and enter Ryken as she makes herself known with the orneriest smile you could ask for. Don’t get me wrong, she is also the sweetest and for the most part very happy little girl, but there is nothing that is going to stop or scare her. She’s a force to be reckoned with and I am so proud of her stubbornness she’s gotten from her mama. lol Maybe this is her personality, maybe she’s picked up on Zayden’s personality and takes it as the norm. You see, my chill little man has also stepped into this world of 3s where emotions some days are higher than others, and it’s hard to figure those out. He also, knows what he wants and will either attempt to convince you he should have it or negotiate his way to get he “needs.” You may think I’m complaining, but trust me I’m not. In this world, I want these two babies to be strong-willed, know what they want, but also be God-fearing individuals, respectful and courtesy of others. And I think we’re on the right track…it may be exhausting some days, but it. is. worth. it. IT IS WORTH IT.
The fun things….
Ryken says everything….she’s talking up a storm (when she’s not being reserved around others) and she repeats whatever you tell her. There is good and bad to this ha, but she takes after her brother and speaks very well for her age. She’s loudest when you’re laying in bed trying to sleep or pretend sleep to get her to nap. MOMMA. MOMMA. MOMMA – as I lay 2 cm from her, and do my best to pretend to be asleep as she yells my name. Some days this will work, other days, cue the Led Zeppelin music, as she stands up, looks down on me and slaps her foot on my face to wake me up.
She’s also a daredevil. But when she knows she’s doing something a little questionable, she at least looks at you and smiles. Not just your every day sweet smile, but the smile that says – “Hey you need to watch what I’m doing here, and be prepared to catch me…mmmk?” Yes, one of those smiles. I about laugh and have a heart attack every time.
Ryken & Zayden both are pretty picky eaters. With Zayden, he ate everything under the sun when he was little and now eats minimal things, where I’m hiding vegetables in smoothies and other forms (along with attempting the veggies every day on his plate, but let’s get real that little bugger knows and the battle of cleaning your plate is not one that I choose to go down). Ryken on the other hand, we didn’t necessarily give her everything under the sun. CLEARLY the having Zayden eat whatever we ate didn’t make him less picky, so we changed it up with Ryken and give her the basics and let her try things from our plates. ALL THIS to say, they’re both picky and one day I have hopes they’ll be little foodies like we are, but for now, cheese will probably be on most things we eat.
Zayden finished up his first “cool” aka school and is on summer break for a month before he goes into another “cool.” We haven’t fully decided what school he’s going into, but as a parent trying to find the balance of letting your 3.5 year live a fun-filled life of a child and not pushing them too quickly into this routine-filled school life. Don’t get me wrong, Zayden thrives in it, learns so much in school but how do you decide what’s too much for a child, when you know the real life isn’t always fun and you want them to enjoy their time so much right now. Anyways, that’s something Jason and I go back and forth on, what place is the right fit for him, what is too much mentally or physically or socially, and are we overthinking it? Ha. Either way, he will start something in the next month. Something he has to be potty-trained for – you’re welcome to send your potty-training tips, but pretty sure it boils down to it’s something he can do, he wants to do occasionally, but he just doesn’t want to. I’ve explained to him recently, that pottying is just taking out the trash (as a good friend told me) and I also have told him, he has a new job. Once these set of diapers run out, he’s been promoted to have a new job, and that’s going the bathroom on his own, when he wants, and he can decide what time of day that will be, so I’m leaving it on his shoulders to make the decisions. If it’s his idea, it’s likely to work more than if it’s someone else’s idea telling him to do it. Cross your fingers, say a prayer, we’d much rather go this route then forcing the potty training thing before end of next month.
Zayden continues to just eat up learning things. His teacher said, this is the age they are little sponges, and he tells me things I have to google because I first don’t know where he heard it but second have to see if he’s right and most of the time he is.
SLEEP – Zayden pretty much sleeps through the night, which I haven’t said in awhile. He does sleep with us 99% of the nights, the occassional 1% is just flukes here and there. I don’t mind it, Jason doesn’t mind it, Ryken loves it..it works for us. Ryken is currently being weaned and does pretty good sleeping through the night with the random nursing session, but she’s a bit of a bed hog. She also kind of seems to enjoy her space, so she will sleep in her bed more often than Zayden will. Now that she’s being weaned, I think it’s likely she will even more.
Speaking of weaning, prayers for this mama. Nursing takes a toll on your body, mind, emotions, etc, etc, etc I read yesterday, “The amount of energy it takes your body to produce enough breast milk for your baby for one day is the equivalent of walking 7 miles.” @moomysmilk – So theoretically, I’ve walked in comparison to over 3,000 miles in the past 16 months, but the body doesn’t always reflect that as a workout. It’s a full time job and when you have other full time jobs, it is exhausting and takes it’s toll. And I’ll be the first to tell you I’m not really ready to wean, but I think she is. She thinks she isn’t because it’s a comfort, but she also isn’t efficient like she used to be and only nurses to comfort. So, she’s ready – but this sweet girl and this mama heart need some extra love during the weekend so we can fully wean. We would likely nurse more, but we have other plans that we can share later on and it requires me to end this nursing journey.
Some things we experienced since my last post:
-Hand-foot-mouth – 1000/10 do not recommend
-Quick trip to Mississippi for a wedding, we found a fantastic sitter for the kids and were so happy they got to journey down with us. Making a couple of stops, one to see friend in TN and visit the zoo!
-Traveled to Arizona! Yay, this was our first flights for Ryken, first big trip since the pandemic, and first trip where mama was along most of the days while Jason was working! A little bit exhausting, a little bit of stress, and alot of fun. We miss adventuring outside of the state with Zayden and we feel for Ryken not getting to experience the things we could with Zayden, but this gave us a little taste and we can’t wait til next trip.
-Ryken got to play with her first sparklers (because apparently a 3 month old holding a sparkler is frowned upon). And Zayden got to shoot off his first ever firework – like an actual firework, which he liked and was a little nervous.
-Visit some friends in Kansas that I consider family. The kids got to spend the day with two of my favorite people in the world. They were a HUGE part of me growing up and growing in the church, and I may have been a little jealous I didn’t get to spend all the time with them too, but we had a wedding and I was so grateful Zayden and Ryken got to spend time with the Graves family this month!
-Celebrated Ryken’s 1st birthday! My heart can’t take it either and it’s already been 4 months since!
-Zayden fished for the first time and caught his first fish – WHO catches a fish the first time they go? He was in love and wanted his own fishing pole for next time.
-We camped for the 2nd time with our Community Group (so many kids I don’t recall how many but it was a blast)
-We laid to rest one of the sweetest men and the kids great-grandpa (they only great-grandpa they had the pleasure of meeting) But we know he’s in heaven hanging out with Aslan & Della.
Continuing to love every day with them, as tired as we may be and as much coffee as our bodies need. We wouldn’t change it! Til the next time….Jason did a 50 days of Spring project if you’re interested in some more photos from this year!
**School, potty-training, sleeping, nursing vs formula are different for every child, I firmly believe parents choose what’s best for them, and the paths we’ve chosen with our kiddos is what works best for us, and honestly they’re different that we choose different paths for each of them based on how they react to things. So don’t take anything I say as we think we’re doing it better – ha, because we’re not. We’re winging it and we’re changing things up if it doesn’t work for us. They’re not this small forever, so we’re embracing these exhausting years.**
4 Months | Ryken Spree
Sweet, happy girl turned 4 months yesterday and I’m clueless how that happened so quickly. How is it possible?
Ryken is as happy as can be (besides the teething) most days. She is just now starting to roll over and holds her head up so well. Not one day has passed that she isn’t happy! ❤️ Her personality is starting to come out and she’s a little combination of sweet, ornery and sass. She’s been sleeping like a champ until recently but no complaints – we’ll sleep someday 😂
Zayden still isn’t 110% sure about sissy but he’s warming up to her. He’s very excited about when she’s big enough to play with him! Some fun things about Zayden:
Continuing to love to learn, swim and be his curious little self. He knows more random facts about things that I can keep track up (most of these “facts” he tells me are spot on but occasionally he gets his info mixed up. One of the more questionable facts is turtles can jump up to 10x their length and they can jump 10 miles. 😂 Another cute thing he does, is wonders what color the car will be after we come out of the car wash. He’s always a little disappointed when my car comes out to be white after every wash lol.
Pandemic is still the pandemic, life is still limited, but we’ve adapted and are lucky enough to see all of our immediate family and enjoy the lake most weekends. Life is different but thankful for these two sweeties.
2 Months in THIS World
Sweet girl, you are 2 months (yesterday) and you are full of smiles, despite the world chaos you have come into. Generally, my posts of you and Zayden are just about you and where you have traveled to and things you have done, but things are much bigger than just you or us.
You were born into a pandemic & now protests & riots everywhere. Let me explain so you know just how different this life is than what we expected you to come into. We have been isolated for quite some time until more recently. We didn’t have visitors, we didn’t see family or friends (and still haven’t seen most friends) and we haven’t been out in the world since you were born. Until recently, this week we traveled to see your Grandma & Grandpa Vinson. And while in isolation, we have done a handful of fun things like ride your first boat on the lake, your first pool time, traveling 11 hours in the car, and you & your brother’s first camping trip which you loved every single thing and smiled through it all! We have experienced quite a bit of happiness in our little bubble, and yet there is so much sadness here and in our world that my heart hurts you’ve come at this time. It hurts that we haven’t done better as a society. We shouldn’t be seeing the hate we are seeing now, things that should have never ever happened have. But I’m going to tell you about it because this is reality. We should be living in a world where hate shouldn’t be present, racism should be non-existent, rights for people of color should be just as equal to anyone else’s. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. You my sweet girl are privileged, there is no doubt about that. We are not judged by our skin color. It unfortunately happens in this world and has caused so many unruly deaths, and produced so much hate that I can’t even explain it fully to you. But I will try. We are already trying to teach your bubs and you about racism, and love and hate in this world. We are trying to teach you both about white privilege and will continue so hopefully you don’t have to live through the same things that we are witnessing. You and your brother are the future. You are the change.
Prior to your birth, we had covid19 hit the world and have been in a pandemic for awhile now. Businesses have been closed down, restrictions with what you can and cannot do, how many people can be together at a time, etc. For us, it fell at a time where we had to stay at home anyways and this just gave us more time with you and Z while weddings get postponed and the scheduled things we had opened up. The pandemic continues, little help was given to small businesses and people that have poured their lives into their business have to close down for good. Then people start to protest about opening back up, some states (like Arkansas) have opened back up with some restrictions and some have chosen to stay closed down. It’s a weird world as a small business owner. Next up, murder hornets – honestly, just Google this when you get old enough because if I try to even explain them, you’ll think I’m making it up from a movie or something. Then shortly thereafter, a terrible murder happens to George Floyd, a man that did not deserve to be treated like he was and he died a terrible death. The world hasn’t been the same since and it shouldn’t be. Protests began in every state. Then riots began. People are taking a stand. We are taking a stand. This was another person of color that died unjustly and we have to stand that this stops. You will be taught to treat others better. You will be taught to love. You will be taught not to hate. And you will be taught to stand up for things you believe in. Sweet girl, you and your brother be the change and we vow to pour into you so you don’t witness these same tragedies every single day.
I am sorry this book of our journey for you and your brother has turned into a world of chaos, but it’s apart of your life. We pray you never experience the unjust things that are happening in the world, not because you were born with a privilege or because you are living in a bubble, but because changed has happened.
Zayden in a Pandemic
I had no intention of posting again til after little sis was born, but this blog started with our infertility journey to Zayden and I want to continue to document our journey for both of them. So, I have to document this chaos happening in today’s world and what it’s like pregnant and for a toddler.
Zayden doesn’t really get what’s going on, I mean he’s 2 ha, but it has affected his every day life (in a very minimal way). He misses his buddy Hayden and we have been keeping our distance from neighbors and no one has come into the house besides his (also isolated) nanny some days. He doesn’t understand why he can’t see his Gammie and Papaw and he definitely wants to see his Uncle Will, Aunt, B, and Lima but has been content enough with video calls for the time being. No parks, no swimming at Bentonville Community Center, no shopping at Target (this kid may not love shopping at Target, but LOVES LOVES running the aisles). In fact, he loves it so much, we used to take him there purely to burn off energy and for no real reason of actually getting anything. Ha. #parentsconfessions No traveling to the lake or to play with his cousins and no church class. So life in his eyes has been more limited, but it also has given him his momma and daddy time, which is all he’s really concerned with.
This time has been filled with lots of painting, coloring chalk all over the driveway and a little on the garage door. So many walks around the neighborhood, looking for worms and puddles to splash in, and playing in the backyard with the dogs, etc. Thankfully, this pandemic has come at a time where we want to be home more with Zayden anyways and I’ve limited my work significantly being in the 9th month of pregnancy. However, knowing I was going to spend more time at home doesn’t make it less difficult finding ways to keep a toddler entertained easily day in and day out. When we have a rough morning of meltdowns, we get discouraged about not having enough to do, but quickly reminded all you really need is that love from the parents to get you through the tougher times. And we are grateful we are able to be there for him.
Of course this has affected our daily activities and chores as well, like never did I think I’d be wiping down our groceries before bringing them into the house or going days upon days without seeing my family (for those than know us, that’s really surprising), nor did I think we wouldn’t be allowing anyone into the house after sis is born for awhile and this has been new adjustment. And I didn’t think we’d be postponing weddings/sessions left and right due to restrictions. Yet, my mind is set to be thankful. Thankful for this pandemic and more time to spend with Zayden. Of course, I’m not thankful for how the economy is being affected, lives are being lost, people starting to turn on each other over TP or more hate crimes because they think another race is purposefully trying to spread the virus, or parents and individuals are experiencing firsts in a way they never thought they’d have to. But this has given us time to step back and really embrace being in the moments and not being caught up in the hustle and bustle of being here or there. And just taking the moments to breathe in (cautiously and within a safe distance from everyone else) and being present.
Continuing prayers for everyone, especially all the soon to be parents are healthy and those sweet babes are being born healthy, the immunocompromised, and those on the front lines during this difficult time. And lifting up those that have lost loved ones. I never imagined experiencing something like this, but we are in it and hoping for an end soon. Til then, enjoying our sweet baby boy and last few days before we become a family of four.
Also – if you’re interested in following Zayden’s journey during this quarantined lifestyle – here’s a few images or follow his Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zaydengray/
8.5 Months in a Pandemic
What a weird world we’re living in right now… Weird as in eery and questionable. Being 37 weeks pregnant is interesting. I generally am not a germaphobe. We wash our hands, hand sanitize regularly and try not to lick walls, but some of us in the family can’t always abide by these general common sense rules. Zayden finds it hard to work within these rules when he is playing pretend kitty cat. Anyways, when the CDC and my Dr. recommend isolating yourself and you find out you’ll be separated from baby girl if you get COVID-19, things start to hit the nerves a little more than I wanted.
I went in for 37 week check up this morning, greeted at the door to answer questions and have my temperature taken. All precautions I appreciate being done to keep me as well as others safe, but my fear was slightly heightened after walking by the closed offices with health warning signs on the doors. Thankfully, my Dr office is taking every precaution and limiting the number of people in the office, delaying appointments that aren’t absolutely necessary and encouraging patients to come by themselves and not to mention getting people in and out as quickly as possible. That all said, I’m dilated to a 1, which doesn’t mean a ton to me because with Zayden I was dilated at a 1 for 3 weeks maybe? Ha. Little sis is always extremely comfy and hasn’t dropped yet, so she may be content for a bit! Likely, around end of 39 weeks we may induce, like we did with Zayden!
Although, it’s not how I envisioned the end of this pregnancy going. I planned on nesting yes but being able to get last minute items for baby sis like most procrastinators like myself need time for. We planned for Zayden coming to the hospital, meeting her and actually picking her name. And we also didn’t stress about getting sick or not. Now, we are isolated in the home, Zayden (or anyone besides Jason) doesn’t get to visit in the hospital, and unfortunately, if either of us gets sick with COVID, we have to stay away from baby until better. THIS IS NOT WHAT WE PLANNED. Which is laughable to an extent, because I know planning never happens as we aren’t in control, but my heart breaks a little with these extra precautions and fears that come up every day. What you can do – pray just for this virus to slow down and we all stay healthy and away from it, not just me, all of us. Of course, I know that if it does happen and I or Jason have to be isolated from baby, we will survive (physically, mentally is a different story) and we know that there are much bigger cases and issues going on in the world that us, but the first moments with our sweet baby girl we don’t want to see her being wheeled away to be isolated from us.
Hopefully, my next update is baby sis will be here and healthy! But in the meantime, I’ll leave you with these sweet maternity photos by none other than, Vinson Images
Ps. Zayden still can’t decide between the names Brexton, Becklee, Ryken or Baby Box.
30 weeks & toddler life
I feel a little guilty, which is exactly what most of this pregnancy has felt like. From what I hear, that’s just what mom life is all about, trying to find balance and dealing with the guilt that comes with unbalanced lifestyle. You’re either too tired to play with your very excited toddler or you’re busy trying to do things and can’t take a second to just breathe for yourself. It’s a continuous battle with yourself, but I’d rather do this battle every day than what we were doing for 6+ years prior to having Z. Here’s how life has been going so far!
I’m 30 weeks. Baby girl is measuring on time, appears to be healthy and has a good healthy heart rate, so we are praying she continues to. She’s ACTIVE. I’m talking about the good Lord has combined my energy (pre-pregnancy) and Jason’s ridiculousness and created this little being that kicks and punches all day and all night long. Zayden was a very chill little boy in the womb and she’s the opposite. Ha, as I typed this I got a good jab, as if she knows I’m talking about her. Thankful for those little (and big) jabs every day though.
Zayden is finally over the thought of us having a baby shark vs an actual baby. He also gives baby sissy kisses almost daily but REFUSES to feel her kick. When I try to pull my shirt up over the belly and show him kicks, he covers my belly back up and says, “No Mama.” Maybe he’s not quite ready for sissy to get here yet. Speaking of “Sissy” we have yet to decide on a name. Feel free to give your input with the ones we have picked out or new suggestions! 🙂 So far, we’ve narrowed it down to Ryken, Becklee, Becklenn or Brexton and we have a middle name of Spree already picked out (thanks Aunt B for sharing your middle name with us). Ryken is Zayden’s favorite or he’s open to the name “Sissy Beck” but that’s about as much as he’s willing to compromise on the name, so we shall see! Like I said, feel free to throw your suggestions out there as we’re just not sold on anything yet.
As far as our little Zman – he’s still as awesome as he’s ever been. He’s a little smarty pants for sure. Since he’s mastered his ABCs awhile ago, he now likes to just say them as fast as possible before someone chimes in and if we interrupt him, he likes to start all over. He also can count to 50, which Jason is not the happiest about as he does push ups with Zayden and when Zayden decided one day to go over 30, Jason just wasn’t fully prepared to keep doing the pushups lol. I fully plan to get him to 100 by age 3, but we have plenty of time for this.
*Puzzles & Books he still loves. That kid can seriously race us with puzzles and likely win every time.
*PJ Masks (Catboy, Owlet, and Gecko), Ninja Turtles, Spiderman & most recently Daniel the Tiger are some of his favorite shows to watch. And I’m going to be honest, I don’t even have any shows anymore because when we are watching shows, it’s usually something he enjoys.
*He still loves Wall-E, Frozen and Polar Express movies.
Jumping, running, crashing, building, running, jumping and hide & seek are some of his favorite things to do.
*He has moved from calling me Mom-Mom to Mommy and occasionally when he’s trying to be funny, he calls us Mom & Dad. It’s too grown up for me to take seriously.
*Lima (aka Liam, his cousin) is his bff. We recently went on vacation with them for a week and he started calling him Lima which likely will stick with him for life and he now asks to hang out with him every day. 🙂 Love that sweet cousin love.
*Speaking of vacation, we’ve added Bahamas to his list of places he’s visited and knocked off another stamp on his passport, making that 2 out of the country travels in 2 years!
*He’s really interested in this Kid Bible app on my phone – I only let him play on it once a day for 2 Bible stories and I honestly thought he wasn’t retaining any of the stories at all, but after you listen to the stories so many times, he surprisingly knows them and that just warms my heart to know he’s willing to listen and take those stories in. His favorites at the moment are Daniel in the Lion’s Den, Samson, Noah’s Ark (aka the “rainbone” story) and the house being built on the rock vs the sand. I’m pretty sure the last story he only likes because he likes that the wave crashes and destroys the house on the sand – ha, but it’s pretty great to watch him listen to those!
*His daddy is starting to win the favorite award every day. He used to be all mommy, but mom’s a bit more tired than normal and can’t put him on my back all the time, so dad’s been winning the favorite award more than I have recently.
*Zayden got a big boy bed, that he seems to be loving. I do sleep in it half the time with him, but it’s much more room than sharing King bed with Jason, baby girl and Charlie lol. So we will get what we can take.
*His favorite pup has changed from Della to Ollie, because Ollie actually likes to play with him and Della is just not as fast as she used to be.
*Water guns & Rawrs (aka dinosaurs) in the bathtubs are still our go to every bath.
*Food is still a toss up. He loves things one day and doesn’t the next – this is a constant struggle, but we’re rolling with it. I’ve attempted every tip, but I just have to remind myself it’s a phase and this too shall pass.
*He still loves to cook with his mommy, especially if it’s something he can taste as we go. He loves to ask me, “Momma, I like it?” lick his lips then looks at me like can I try it yet. Brownies, muffins, and waffles have been some of our favorites to make..or anything that he can mix basically.
*We have nightmares and I think that’s something that we just will be dealing with for awhile. He wakes up at least once a night scared of something that he’ll try to tell me about – it usually has something to do with a toy or someone he knows but never can get a full story from him before I get him to calm down and fall back asleep. We have active imaginations in our family, so I can only imagine it’ll stick around for awhile.
We are loving every minute we can soak in with little man. He’s really pretty chill and calm mostly, but has his moments but they are pretty few and far between and usually because he’s hangry or tired. Yet, I take these moments over anything we’ve had pre-Zayden. Life is different, much different but so so good. We are going to embrace all we can in the next 10 weeks before sissy gets here. Thankful for prayers for healthy babies and thankful for this place we are in life.
Leaving with you with a few favorites from vacation:
TWO. |Zayden
My little man, I don’t know how time has gone so quickly and you turned two today. I write this as you sleep on my left arm, as you do every night. Yup, that’s right we break all the rules in this house apparently and he’s sleeping in our bed. Welcome to the world of two at the Vinsons. I remember telling myself we wouldn’t do that as parents and now I laugh bc it’s literally one of the highlights of us parenting is having your child roll over, hold you close and say, “Oh Momma” and slowly fall asleep. I want to remember these moments & phrases before they fade away, so I’ve compiled a list of my fave things Z says.
Oney = eleven
Sesen = seven (it’s cuter when he says it)
Mom Mom = instead of Momma or Mommie
Owwie = Ollie
Deaa = Della
Char-No = Charlie 😂 because I think he rarely says Charlie’s name without yelling no, generally bc he’s usually trying to steal his food.
Ohpp – like opp, oops and whoops all combined.
Oh Momma & Oh Dadda = cuddles
Fly bite = any type of scratch or bug bite, and he’s a little dramatic about those. A mosquito bite from 6 months ago he still talks about.
ABCDEs = letters
1,2,3,10 = numbers
Oof = orange
Rrrrrr (with a growl, and occassionally followed by ‘for Rachel’) = R
Brrrrue = blue (apparently, your quarter Hispanic blood allows you to roll those rs way better than me!
Tapzoy = trapzoid (but you like to say it in a rough, scary voice)
Q = qune
Cak = cake
Foot shnacks = fruit snacks
Snow = but said through your wrinkled up nose like you smell as you say it. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s my favorite ,😂
Rayannah & Hayden (which are two different people but always together) = Rain-ya
Dis = what’s this, which I hear all day long, even when he knows what “dis” is.
When we pray at night I always ask what God is doing and you say, “wating” which means watching over us!
You have some favorite things yourself, like your lizard toy named Lizard & your white stuffed dog named White Dog. 🤷♀️ We are working on your lack of creativity at the moment lol. Your mom & dad are still your favorites but your best friend Hayden & sitter Rayannah are coming in close!
You still want to eat mac-n-cheese or fruit snacks for every meal🙄 and oranges, blueberries, eggs, yogurt & waffles you’ll get by with. Still refusing alot if foods but will keep trying!
You know your letters, numbers to 20, all the shapes, and currently learning opposites which has been hysterical.
Your bike, playset & bouncy house are probably your favorite things to do, and throwing the ball to Charlie.
We’ve experienced so many firsts together in the past two years…
Travel to New York & Hawaii, somewhere none of us have gone until you came along!
2 different hospital stays & 1 surgery, which is not something Jason or myself are unfamiliar with, but it was a first having a child go through this. Croup & tonsillectomy were a terrible experience for us but thankfully the good Lord kept watch over the Drs and strong little man was better after a couple of weeks each time.
Trick-or-Treating was new to us this year as last time it was wet & cold and I definitely wasn’t letting you ear candy last year😂 anyways, last night was so fun. – you were so polite whispering trick or treat and thank you and would only take one piece of candy every time. It made me so happy to watch you do that and run from the house with excitement. I hate to tell you – it’s not likely you’re getting many pieces of that candy as I passed out most of it lol but I saved a handful for you. Because, I mean, sugar. 😬😂 I am a bit concerned you now think it’s acceptable to wander up to houses & trick or treat any random day but you’ll learn.
We got to experience seeing baby sissy (yes, I said sissy) on an ultrasound this week, something we’ve never been able to say in all the years of infertility and you were right there to see her kicking with us. I don’t know if you’re thrilled or not but you will be, because you are already the best big brother.
Here’s to many more firsts, adventures and so many hugs & kisses with us. We love you little man and so proud of who you are! ❤️
22 Months
Where has time gone, I’m completely blown away that Zayden is 22 months old. In 2 months, he will be 2! AH! The past few days, he’s really starting to grow into a little boy instead of a baby.
The talking has not slowed down at all….and has almost gotten a little more demanding (especially with the dogs and when he wants a snack).
When we prayed for a healthy, intelligent child, I never thought God would smirk and create a child more intelligent than Jason and I but that has happened. This little boy knows all his ABCD (he likes to add the D on it, instead of the ABC’s). And he can count to 20. What. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t do that til I was like 4, but anyways he’s been working on it the past month and has it mastered. He knows all his colors and shapes (even trapezoid which Jason didn’t know til I had to tell him what it was called lol)
We LOVE the lake and love to swim when we’re having fun, but he’s really hating swim lessons at the moment. I think it’s because someone’s making him do it but if it was on his own terms we can’t seem to get him out of the water.
He is strong willed and knows what he wants. However, he doesn’t always want to tell us what he wants, he would much rather make us guess…which clearly is his ornery side shining through in those moments.
He still loves his dogs, playing outside, his mama (especially this month) and his dadda (most of the time), sleeping in bed with us, his popsicles & fruit snacks and to be scared. If we can scare him and get him to jump & scream, we consider it a win and he loves it every single time. Speaking of scaring, something he started doing recently is “hiding from people” when there’s no one around, or at night. Terror took over my face as I look around the room and ask him exactly how many people we are hiding from. Then the other day, he took a fruit snack out of his bag and handed it to something in mid air…like he was waiting on “people” to take it. I’m pretty sure he’s just playing the long game on me and trying to scare me….and not going to lie, it’s a little bit creepy. So, you win Zayden.
He has started to not be as interested in Curious George and moved onto his new favorite movie, Finding Nemo. If I have to watch that movie one more time…well, I will and I won’t complain but I may have every line memorized by now (and trust me, I still laugh at some moments). Here’s a video of him watching his favorite part of Finding Nemo!
We have a new nanny that brings her nephew over to play with him regularly and that gives Zayden more interaction with other little ones which we love. I have always wanted him to have more interaction, and it would happen here and there, but gosh they’re ornery together…so so ornery. Bless our nanny’s heart!
He says basically whatever he wants to say, but some of our favorite words are:
Snack or fruit snack
Seven (still one of my favorites) – sessen
Snow
Basically anything that starts with the letter S, because he acts as if the S is the sniffing noise. It’s something you’ll have to experience in person, and trust me it’s worth it lol
So many changes over the past month, but mostly just him looking us in the eye and really speaking to us instead of just saying what he wants/needs. Its as if he’s trying to hold conversations with us. My heart isn’t prepared for him to grow up yet, but he definitely is every single day.
On another note, he continues to tell me I’m having a baby boy and he seems more excited about having a baby boy than possibility of a baby girl. They say kids have a sixth sense about those types of things…so maybe he knows something we don’t just yet. Either way, we are so thankful for the two littles we have and can’t wait to see what the next month brings!
Hello 8 weeks.
This week marks 8 weeks & the last injection I plan to take on this (or any) IVF journey. Maybe the future will hold another IVF journey, but at this moment in our life, this time around was exhausting and brutal enough that I think we’d like this week to be our last injection ever.
This last injection marks a significant amount of anxiety and an abundance of letting go of control. Progesterone (the only injection I’m currently on) is like a safety net in my mind. It’s what keeps my pregnancy viable (whether that’s partly true or not true at all, that’s how I think). Every time we’ve done IVF it’s been successful, every time we haven’t it hasn’t been successful…do you get my thought process? I know that there’s way more to this than daily injections, there’s a Maker that has a bigger plan than what a silly injection can do every day. So, this last injection marks my letting go of control. Not that I have any control, but it’s the one thing I can consciously do that I know is healthy for baby. Like I know that that ice cream Sundae I had for lunch may not have been the best option, but I also know that progesterone shot every night is just an added pick up for that sweet baby growing. So this week I’ve been working on these anxieties and letting go.
I thought when I started writing this, that I would be saying this whole experience has been bittersweet, but really I’m just grateful. I’m grateful for the experience and being able to share with people. Grateful that both times we’ve done IVF we were successful (this isn’t very common and to say we’re grateful it has worked is an vast understatement). Grateful for the sickness, it reminds me that little one is growing. Grateful we had the small glimpse that we had 2 babies this time around but 1 littles didn’t make it. Don’t read that wrong, we are sad that we lost 1 and honestly I don’t think I’ve fully processed it yet, but grateful we even had the opportunity to have 2 is pretty freaking amazing. Grateful my body isn’t too old yet to get through this (and I’m pretty sure I’m pushing the limits here! ha). Grateful for the support of so many people checking on us, getting us through the days, or just knowing they are there! Grateful to a total stranger for giving me her extra bottle of progesterone because I forgot to order mine in time. I mean…they say it takes a village to raise children. It takes a whole state to get someone through an IVF journey (a successful one), it takes more like a damn country to get someone through an unsuccessful IVF journey. To say we’re grateful doesn’t truly describe how we feel.
Even half way through, I’m still a little hesitant to write this blog because it’s still so early. We’ve been at this exact stage in multiple pregnancies before and I regretted telling people our good news, just to turnaround and tell them that we lost a little ones. So I am a little reserved to tell my mom how many weeks we are (almost every time I see her she asks lol), and I’m a little unsure on publishing this blog, and when people ask how things are going, I’m just now feeling comfortable enough to smile and tell them it’s going good. But here’s the thing. I started this whole blog over 2 years ago because I was trying to be open and honest about infertility journey. For myself, it’s almost therapeutic, but also for others. I can’t count the number of people who have reached out to me (from all over the world) that read my blog or our story and had questions, gave support, and/or asked for prayers for their journey. So sharing this great news too early is part of the journey. I’m not saying it isn’t scary…it’s scary and it’s exciting all at the same time. But I need to do it. Jason, probably more so than me, doesn’t feel like it’s “real” yet and I have my moments on whether it is real or not. But it is…it’s real if it’s successful or not. We have a little one growing right now and we are hoping to bring this little one into the world and be the best sibling possible for Zayden. Speaking of Mr. Zayden….we’ve asked him a few times over the past few weeks if he wants another baby. He doesn’t want me to have a baby most days, some days he wants to have a baby just for himself, and this week he decided he wants a “Bubba” instead of a “Sissy.” He also thinks there’s a baby hiding inside of my belly button and tries to find it….he’ll figure it out eventually (I hope).
Anyways, I guess I don’t know exactly where I was going with this post, besides giving a nonchalant way of telling people our good news. Yes, IVF did work but also sharing it doesn’t mean we will end up with a happy ending. We are praying everything goes so well, and we are thankful for where we are at this point and we are hoping that we don’t have to come back and tell everyone we lost a little one, but we are putting trust in God and knowing “He has this.”
Friends (or strangers) – if you’re going through this or something similar and you don’t want to share with the world….I’m here for ya. Don’t hesitate to reach out. Talking it out will go such a long ways. Whatever you do, don’t let those anxieties and fears creep in over you. And if you do feel comfortable, share with others…you’d be amazed by the number of people watching you through your journey.
Momhood or lack there of 